


Loose Threads

by orphan_account



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Hide and Kaneki never met, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:47:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 70,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25519771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: With the formation of the TSC, ghouls and humans are beginning to live together in peace.Kaneki resumes a life he once thought lost. At a club, he meets a fellow university student named Hide. However, their budding relationship is challenged when Kaneki notices they are being stalked on their dates.
Relationships: Kaneki Ken | Sasaki Haise/Nagachika Hideyoshi
Comments: 173
Kudos: 240





	1. A New Start

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This is the first chapter of the longer fic I've been teasing. This will be updated weekly on Wednesdays starting on July 29th. I'll be updating weekly until I've finished the fic, then will be posting chapters much more frequently. 
> 
> This will be my last fandom work, so I hope you all enjoy!

Hide wasn’t the type to drown his sorrows, even after a hellish week of finals.  
  
He curled his fingers absently around his half-finished beer and watched one of his two friends toss back another shot, drunk off his ass.

“Nagachika!” He cried, throwing an arm around his shoulders. Hide let him lean against him. If he didn’t, his friend surely would have fallen over. “You need to have more fun!” He started swaying dangerously, and gagged.

His other friend, their designated driver, steered him out of his seat and to the bathroom. Thankfully, away from Hide, where he couldn’t get thrown up on.  
  
Hide met the two at an LGBT+ group off of campus, and they quickly became friends, all of them being university students at Kamii. They often got together and hit a gay club on a Friday or Saturday night every other week. But this night was special, as the gay bar had officially transitioned to a bar for not only humans, but ghouls as well.  
  
Their trips to bars were normally nothing more than a night out, with some music and dancing, but occasionally one of them would meet someone and take off for the rest of the night. Hide only did it twice, finding both experiences thrilling at first, and disappointing later. He wanted more than one-night stands, frantic kissing, being shooed out of bed after fucking, or being called the wrong name in the morning. He was slightly jealous of his two friends, which while single currently, had much better experiences in the past.  
  
“Come on baby.” Hide turned in his seat and his eyebrows rose, the voice close and loud enough that he almost thought he was the one being spoken to. There was a man with his dark hair greased back standing close to a man with unusual white hair. Hide’s lip curled as he recognized the greasy guy. He was a creep - someone the bouncers kicked out more than once.  
  
“No. Sorry.” The white-haired man had a placating expression as he tried to step around him and towards the bar.  
  
“One drink.” Greasy shifted closer to him, running a hand up his thigh and to - oh hell no.  
  
Hide pushed to his feet just as Greasy stumbled away from the white-haired man, falling on his ass. He hadn’t moved an inch, but he was winking, his one visible eye black and red.  
  
Kakugan.  
  
“I said no.” The ghoul glared down at Greasy, smirking. “Besides I don’t think you’d like what I’m drinking.”

Ghouls used to be hunted down by an organization known as the CCG. But after an organized rebellion three years earlier, as well as ever-advancing technology synthesizing human-like meat they could consume, they started integrating into society.

But that didn’t mean they integrated easily. Humans opposed them every step of the way – driven by fear, mostly. But it was also fear that made them relent. Ghouls were powerful – dangerous – and humans stood a better chance playing nice, rather than fighting with a stronger enemy.

While the CCG still existed to a degree, ghouls were mostly self-policed, taking down any ghoul that harmed humans. The two worked together nowadays as the TSC, rather than against each other. They both wanted peace, despite the animosity between them. But that didn’t mean every ghoul wanted peace, or every human either.

  
Finally, the bouncers arrived due to the commotion, glancing warily between the two. They shifted slightly away from the ghoul. Greasy was still on the floor, sputtering. Then his expression twisted and he lifted a finger - pointing it at the ghoul.  
  
“That freak attacked me.” He hissed.  
  
Hide snorted and stood. He really didn’t like where this was going. The last thing the ghoul needed was being accused of something he didn’t do. It would only breed more fear and hatred. “The only freak here is you.” He spoke loudly so he could be heard over the music. He then turned to the bouncers. He frequented the club enough that they knew him. “He picked the wrong guy to feel up. I saw the whole thing. This guy - “ Hide gestured to the ghoul. “Didn’t lay a hand on him. It’s not a crime to display kakugan in public.”  
  
Thankfully there wasn’t much fuss after that - just Greasy complaining as the bouncers threw him out. Hide smirked a little. Hopefully the bastard would learn his lesson, but he doubted it.  
  
“Thank you.” The ghoul had a nice smile, and pretty grey eyes when he let his kakugan fade. “Can I buy you a drink?”

Well, the night was turning out a little better than Hide expected. “Sure.”

“You want another beer, or something else?”

“Another beer is good.”

The ghoul ordered a beer for Hide, and some blood wine for himself. “I’m Kaneki Ken, by the way.”

“Nagachika Hideyoshi. Call me Hide.”

The crowd that had gathered was dispersing. Only a few people around the room kept glancing in their direction, like they were worried Kaneki was going to eat Hide whole or something.

“Hide, then.” The bartender passed Kaneki his drink. He sipped it, settling onto a barstool. “Tell me about yourself.”

“I’m twenty-two. Fourth-year student at Kamii University in International Studies, considering going for a Master’s Degree. I speak three languages. Japanese, English and Mandarin. And a touch of Korean. As for interests…” Hide hummed. “Comics. Video games. Anything to do with spy tech.”

Kaneki’s eyebrows rose at the last one. “You said you were a student at Kamii?”

“Yeah.” Hide squinted and tilted his head. He didn’t recognize him. “You a student there too?”

“I was one. Four years ago.” Kaneki’s expression darkened slightly, but he wiped it clean almost immediately. “I’m starting again, this coming term. I’m studying literature. I like to read…” Kaneki swirled the blood wine in his glass. “I also like to study martial arts. I haven’t played video games since I was a teenager.” He squinted his eyes and wrinkled his nose a bit. “But I think I have some infuriating memories of Mario Kart.”

Hide snorted. “Sounds about right.” Kaneki used to be a student? Hide wondered what happened to make him drop out. Was he outed as a ghoul and forced into hiding, or did something else happen to him? “You remember the campus at Kamii?”

“I remember it enough. I wonder if some of my old professors are still teaching… do they still have the coffee shop by the bookstore?”

“They do. But they switched out their freshly-ground blends for this pre-ground crap last year. It tastes like sludge now.” But people still bought it and drank it, since it didn’t always matter what the coffee tasted like if you were up all night studying or writing a paper. Hide was guilty of that on more than one occasion. More than a dozen. Okay, maybe more than he could remember.

“Ugh. Damn.”

“What? You a coffee snob?” The longer Kaneki went without answering, the bigger Hide’s grin got.

“…maybe.” He fixed Hide with a glare, but it held no weight. It wasn’t anything like when he was looking at Greasy earlier. It was almost… playful. Hide swore he was also pouting a little, which was pretty damn adorable. “I used to be a barista, so I have an excuse.”

Hide clearly took the wrong moment to drink, because he almost choked. Oh god, please let Kaneki tell him he had a cute little uniform. He bet it would have looked _great_ on him.

Kaneki rolled his eyes. He scanned the crowd, then lifted his wine glass and gesture to someone across the room. Hide only caught a glimpse of a tall, well-dressed man before the mass of moving bodies swallowed him.

“Friend of yours?”

Kaneki hummed. “He dragged me here tonight. Apparently, I need to loosen up.”

Hide winced, thinking of what happened with Greasy. “Well,” he held up his beer bottle towards Kaneki. “Hopefully your night will be better from here on out.”

Kaneki smiled and raised his glass, clinking their drinks together. “it already is.”

~<3<3<3~

They agreed to meet at the university bookstore later in the week, the day before the new term. Kaneki was waiting for him outside, reading on a picnic table. He put the book away when Hide approached, offering him a smile and a dark-blue thermos.

“You said the coffee here was awful, so I brought some from home. I’m guessing you like cream and sugar?”

“Oh, fuck yeah.” Hide happily took the thermos. He took a sip – and good god. Kaneki really did used to be a barista, didn’t he? “This is really good. Thanks.”

Kaneki hummed. “I got here about half-an-hour ago. He pulled a paper out of his satchel. “I was trying to find some of my classes, but I don’t know where this one is. Do you?”

“Oh? Ugh. Yeah. I had my first-year stats course in that building. It’s a bloody maze and the room numbers make no sense. Let’s go check it out.” He thought he knew the general vicinity, and hoped he could figure it out from there. Thankfully, after only ten minutes of searching, and some colourful cursing on Hide’s part, they found the room, the door number having fallen off at some point.

Hide gave a little flourish and bow, passing Kaneki’s paper back to him. Kaneki huffed a laugh and obliged him with a small applause.

“Well, at least I don’t have to worry about that tomorrow.” Kaneki’s hands tightened on the strap of his satchel, his eyebrows pinched.

“You’re worried?”

Kaneki pursed his lips. “It’s been a long time since I’ve studied. These past few years have been…” He sighed deeply. “It feels odd to go back to doing this. Some part of me wonders if I’ll be able to manage it.”

“I hope it will work out.” Hide brushed their shoulders together. “If you’re having any problems, you can always talk to me. I can listen, even if I can’t help.”

Kaneki paused, considering. “I may take you up on that. Thank you.”

They exchanged numbers, Hide adding numerous emojis next to his name on Kaneki’s phone. They walked around the university a little more, sipping the coffee Kaneki made him.

“It’s not just that I’m worried,” Kaneki spoke suddenly, just as they were passing the administration building. “I’m excited too, and that’s what worries me the most.” He glanced around the campus. “The relationship between ghouls and human is strained. At any moment, it could end, and we could be at war again.” Kaneki gestured to the university. “Then all of this? Is gone for me again. Just like that. So I – don’t want to get my hopes up too much.”

“But you are hopeful?” Hide wondered what Kaneki’s life was like for the past few years, after he was forced into hiding. He thought, that even if he had the faintest idea of what he went through, he still wouldn’t be able to imagine what it was like. The way Kaneki spoke of hope… it was like he never imagined he would have it again.

“I think… going to school, having a somewhat normal life again, would be good for me. And well, my friends agree as well, so…?”

“They want what’s best for you?” At the very least, Kaneki had friends looking out for him. And no matter what happened to him – he wasn’t alone. Or at least, he wasn’t now.

Kaneki nodded. “They do. They gave me the last push I needed to come here.”

“I’m glad they did. One of them is the same one that dragged you to the bar?”

Kaneki smiled. “One of them.”

“Well, I’m thankful to them then. For being able to meet you.” Hide caught his hand, giving it a slight squeeze.

Kaneki slowed to a stop, looking down at their joined hands with a soft expression. He licked his lips, glancing up at Hide with a hopeful expression. “Hide – I was wondering… and let me know if I’m misinterpreting, but… do you wanted to go somewhere. On a date?”

_Holy fuck_. “Yes.” He tried to not sound too enthusiastic. _Failed_. Definitely failed.

“O-oh. Okay.” Kaneki rubbed the back of his head. He was cute, smiling and blushing. “Ah – I didn’t really plan anything beyond that. Do you have somewhere you’d like to go?”

“Hmmm.” Hide thought back to their first meeting, remembering how Kaneki said he liked to read. Oh – Hide definitely had an idea. “I do have something in mind – I like comics. You like books. Let’s go to a bookstore, then we could go out for coffee afterwards?”

“A bookstore, huh?” Kaneki’s lips twitched, his eyes shadowed.

Hide frowned. “Not a good idea?”

“No! No – I mean _yes,_ it is. A good idea.” Kaneki’s expression was complicated – there was something pained, but also wistful. “I think – I think I would like that.”

~<3<3<3~

Sitting in a classroom at Kamii University was something Kaneki didn’t think he would ever get to experience again. He was early to his first morning class by half an hour. Two other students were already there, one studying in the front row, and one napping in the back. Kaneki decided to place himself somewhere in the centre, shifting uncomfortably in the wooden chair. He placed his notebook and the first book they were discussing in class on the small desktop in front of him.

Years ago, after he escaped Aogiri, he couldn’t have imagined things would even remotely go back to the way they used to be. He recreated himself, training until he was powerful enough that almost nobody could stop him. He devoured the strong – to protect those who couldn’t protect themselves. At the expense – he lost himself. Then the CCG went after Anteiku, and Kaneki met the Reaper. Arima Kishou.

His memory of those moments… were foggy at best. His eyes throbbed when he thought of the fight, the back of his neck tingling. He never felt so utterly helpless in his entire life.

But his friends were there for him while he healed – both physically and mentally. Rather than take advantage to the situation to eat him, Tsukiyama gave his all to help him. Kaneki suspected back then that their fake comradery became real, though he couldn’t pinpoint when. And despite their history, they became friends.

Tsukiyama brought him to a safehouse so he could recover without being found, and supplied them with all they would need.

Touka was with them. Although, she distrusted Tsukiyama greatly. It took her a while to trust Tsukiyama in the same room as Kaneki. Albeit reluctantly, they did form a type of friendship, though it was rife with tension.

When recovered, Kaneki spent a year or so staying out of the CCG’s crosshairs. He trained, continued to develop his kakuga, despite Touka and Tsukiyama’s warnings. There were times when he was sure he was going to lose himself again.

They tracked down Kanou, killed him and the rest of his failed experiments. They found Rize, and despite her past transgressions, Kaneki decided he wanted to save her. Tsukiyama put her in safehouse for the time being, where she was put under guard by members of his family.

They ransacked Kanou’s office, madness evident in his notes about creating a better world. Remaking the world – but destroying it first. But most interesting was the evidence of communication between Kanou and someone named Furuta in the CCG.

Eventually, through the effort of his friends, and by no small effort himself, he found stability in his life. And his kakuga stabilized as well. He recruited a group, which he named Goat. Their goal was to force the CCG to negotiate with them – to create a world where ghouls and humans could coexist.

Things went well – until they didn’t. Hinami was captured during one of their operations, and sentenced to death. The broke into Cochlea, saved her, but Kaneki ran into Arima again. Despite all his training, Kaneki was sure their fight would end the same way it did last time. But still, he gave it his all, knowing Touka would never forgive him if he didn’t struggle to survive.

Arima killed himself and –

He confessed.

The CCG was run by ghouls. Conducting experiments like Kanou was.

Kaneki knew it wasn’t a problem they could solve on their own. If they started killing top CCG executives with no apparent reason, it could hurt their negotiations. They needed someone on the inside, and they needed evidence.

So they got themselves a Washuu – an alive one – a _very ghoul_ one.

Kaneki knew who to contact. He remembered his name from all those years ago during the Anteiku raid. When Amon Koutarou and his partner Mado Akira were hunting a B-ranked ghoul in a Tokyo suburb, Kaneki decided to drop by and unapologetically interrupt them.

They were on guard, but clearly not eager to fight him, considering his SS-rank. So they listened, expressed their doubts, but ultimately came with him when he promised evidence and their safety. Akira clearly didn’t trust him, but Amon seemed to – to an extent, at least.

Kaneki showed them the Washuu. He even confessed. Amon was stunned and Akira – _Akira_ was furious. She put numerous holes in the nearby wall.

When they settled, Kaneki shared his dream with them. And his plan. They sat and they talked – for a long while. They went over the plan – modified it – made it better. It was decided to bring more people into their circle of people ‘within the know’. Juuzou Suzuya, Seidou Takizawa, and Marude were the first to join. More after. Systematically, they picked off the Washuu. The man named Furuta was killed one night and mysteriously left by the entrance to Goat’s underground base. Kaneki recognized the kagune markings as belonging to the one-eyed Owl. Eto.

When the Washuu’s were all dead or in custody – held in Cochlea – the newly founded Tokyo Security Committee made their first announcement. The made it public knowledge the Washuu’s were ghouls, and extended a hand to the ghouls in Tokyo. They offered to provide them with enough food and sanctuary. Food was harvested from organ donors whose organs were not viable for transplantation. Synthetic meat easily made up the rest of the supply. Public image of ghouls was still low, but it was helped by Takatsuki Sen, when she publicly revealed herself as a ghoul.

Slowly, ghouls and humans were starting to coexist. What was once a dream was becoming a reality. There was still discrimination towards ghouls, and some ghouls had to be locked away by the TSC for killing, but they were moving forward. They were progressing.

And now, Kaneki could have something of a normal life. He could meet cute people in bars and ask them on dates. He could go to school. Sit in class with his notebook and learn like every other human in the room. When he answered one of the professor’s questions, he smiled.

When class was over, his professor stopped him, having recognized Kaneki from many years ago. He was pleased to have Kaneki back in class, telling him his essays were always a pleasure to read.

With a light heart, Kaneki went to his next class, looking forward to meeting Hide for lunch – and not having to pretend he could eat human food without vomiting.


	2. Interlude - Kaneki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first of four interludes (although Hide's will be cut into two parts, making 5). This is practically a fic within itself. Hope you enjoy!

It was when Arima left Kaneki’s limp body to deal with the Owl, that Tsukiyama and Touka swept in. Tsukiyama, face still tear-stained from their last encounter, and Touka, in all her glorious, vicious rage. They took down the two CCG agents that were recovering Kaneki’s body, and escaped.

Tsukiyama brought them to one of his family’s safehouses, where Kaneki stayed until he was recovered. The recovery… was difficult. The extent of his physical injuries left him confused and in horrible pain for days. But when he finally came to – the pain dulled to a terrible itch, he didn’t know who he was, or who was looking after him. He kept scratching at the wounds, leading to an exhausted Touka wrapping his hands with thick bandages until they resembled mittens. He tried to speak, but the words that tumbled out of his mouth were disjointed and incomprehensible. Good days were calm days – when the itching pain wasn’t too bad, and when Kaneki’s thoughts begun to take shape. Touka or Tsukiyama would sit or lay by his side, speaking to him with a soft voice until he fell asleep again. They took this time to help him eat or wash. Bad days were filled with an inescapable panic that left him gasping in bed, screaming or crying until his voice went hoarse.

Those couple of weeks passed in a blur. Good days became more common, and bad days less so. Kaneki could understand more of what was going on – what was being said to him. When Tsukiyama spoke to him, he was usually reading from a book, his voice soothing. Touka didn’t talk as much, but she sometimes told stories about her experiences in school, or stories about her friend Yoriko.

Tsukiyama was reading to him one day, when Kaneki loosely hooked a bandaged hand around his elbow to get his attention. “I don’t…” Kaneki struggled to get the words out. “…remember. Who…?” _Who are you? Who am I?_ He tried to remember, but was only faced with an endless void.

Tsukiyama paused, then exhaled shakily. He was silent for a few moments, causing Kaneki to worry he had offended him. His voice was achingly gentle when he spoke. “Do you… remember anything?” He placed a hand on Kaneki’s shoulder, giving it a slight squeeze.

Kaneki remembered pain, mostly, which made him shudder. He brought a hand to his face, fingers clawing uselessly under the bandages.

Tsukiyama gently pulled Kaneki’s hand away. “ _Merde._ It’s okay. You were badly hurt, but you’re safe now. I’m Tsukiyama Shuu. I’m… your sword. I fight for you. Protect you, when I can. The other person here is Touka. She’s a dear friend of yours, who cares for you greatly.”

Kaneki licked his lips. “I… am…?”

“You’re Kaneki Ken. You’re an idiot who would do anything to protect the ones he loves.” His voice was fond, but sad. Kaneki heard the pages of the book turn again.

Kaneki had so many more questions. He wanted to know why he was hurt, and how long it would take for him to get better. _If_ he would get better. He wanted to know more about Tsukiyama, and more about Touka. But most importantly, more about himself.

“You should rest.” Tsukiyama squeezed his shoulder again, as if he knew the thoughts that were swirling through Kaneki’s head. “We have plenty of time to talk about all of that.”

Kaneki rested, and when he was awake, he eagerly listened to their stories. But there were certain things that bothered him. He came to understand Touka and Tsukiyama only knew him for a short time. Where were the people that were there before them? Did he have no friends before them? Did he have no family?

After a few days, the bandages over his eyes came off. The light hurt, and he squinted against it. Touka sat beside him, dabbing at the tears from his watery eyes with a towel. But all Kaneki could do was look at her. Even with her skin pale, her hair greasy and bags under her eyes, she was still beautiful.

“What is it?” She pushed some of his fringe back, touching the tender skin under his eyes gently. “How do you feel? Can you see alright?”

“You’re pretty,” he mumbled dumbly.

Touka’s eyebrows rose, then she let out an ugly snort. “Glad to see your eyes work. Do they hurt at all?”

“The light.” Kaneki closed his eyes. “It burns.”

Tsukiyama was standing in the doorway to the room. “Maybe we could turn the bedroom lights off for now, oui?”

Apparently, Kaneki was surrounded by devastatingly beautiful people. Tsukiyama was no less dishevelled than Touka, and just as beautiful. His purple hair fell limply into his eyes, the shadows under them even more pronounced than Touka’s.

“That would probably be a good idea.”

Kaneki sighed with relief as the lights went out. The only light coming in was from the hallway. He blinked his eyes open fully, letting Touka carry out her inspection. She smiled, taking his hands in hers.

“Can I trust you with these off?”

Kaneki hadn’t felt the urge to scratch in a while. When he nodded, Touka started unraveling the bandages. Kaneki wriggled his numb fingers, then cracked them pleasantly. He brought his hands to his face, ignoring the way Touka and Tsukiyama tensed. His skin felt thin under his fingers, tender to the touch.

It was also greasy. As was his hair. Touka and Tsukiyama generally cleaned him with damp, warm towels, but it was nothing like an actual, _real_ shower.

“Do you think I could have a shower?”

Touka pursed her lips and tilted her head. “Do you think you could stand?” She stood and held out her hands for Kaneki to take.

Kaneki frowned and pushed his blankets down. As he moved his legs, he could already feel the weakness in them. Still, he swung them over the edge of the bed, gritting his teeth at the feeling of pins and needles. He gripped Touka’s hands carefully, putting his full weight on his legs. He swayed momentarily, but once he steadied, he took his first step.

And promptly collapsed.

Thankfully, Touka caught him. “Oooookay.” Touka guided him back to sit on the bed. “Maybe a bath would be a better idea?”

Kaneki nodded, but it only made his head spin more. He sputtered when Touka lifted him with ease, his hands flying to her shoulders.

Tsukiyama chuckled at his expression. “The little lady is stronger than she appears.”

He was embarrassed, but didn’t complain when Touka set him on the edge of the tub and helped him undress. The water was pleasantly warm at least, and Tsukiyama added some bubble bath, probably sensing his discomfort and pour attempts to conserve his modesty, even though the two of them had seen his naked plenty of times over the past couple weeks.

They left him with the door cracked open and a towel in his hand. Kaneki trailed his fingers through the water, enjoying the feeling of having them free. Before he even started working on cleaning his body, he doused his hair with water and worked in a good deal of shampoo, scrubbing at his scalp with his fingernails. When he rinsed it out, he felt at least ten times better than he did before.

Yet as he sat in the slowly cooling water, his stomach turned. Who was he? And what the hell happened to him? Touka and Tsukiyama were treating him like he was made of glass, avoiding questions and giving non-answers. His eyes were open, but he felt like he was still left in the dark.

~<3<3<3~

Kaneki didn’t know what triggered them – but occasionally he would get little flashes of memory. They weren’t very detailed – and every time he tried to focus on the details, it felt like he was trying to catch smoke with his bare hands, and it would wisp away before he could close his fist around it.

But there was one such memory – when Kaneki, Touka and Tsukiyama were sitting at the kitchen table, drinking coffee and eating their usual meal – a thick slice of meat (Kaneki didn’t know what it was) – when he felt that something was acutely wrong. Missing. The meat, which tasted undeniably delicious, made his stomach turn. He suddenly had a yearning for – for something else. He knew meals weren’t supposed to be like this – they were supposed to have a variety of ingredients – but their meals were only ever the same thing. The only things they drank were black coffee and water – no tea. No juice. No milk.

Kaneki put down his fork. Tsukiyama and Touka both glanced up, then exchanged a look.

“Is it not to your liking, mon ami?” Tsukiyama put a lot of work into their meals, spending an hour or so in the kitchen before serving them. Kaneki could tell he enjoyed cooking – although Kaneki was generally corralled to his bedroom by Touka, enticing him with television shows based on the books he was reading.

There was something wrong with their meals. That much Kaneki knew from the books, television shows, and his fragmented memories. He just didn’t know how to pose the question – no. He just didn’t want to. He wanted to keep pretending that everything was okay. But… but he couldn’t. Not anymore.

“What exactly are we eating?” His stomach turned at the sight of it. Kaneki stared down at his plate, sauce and little remnants of blood pooled under the meat.

Tsukiyama and Touka exchanged another look.

“Kaneki –“ Tsukiyama began.

“What do you think it is?” Touka cut Tsukiyama off, her eyes boring into Kaneki’s.

Kaneki wet his lips. His hands were starting to tremble. A memory was prickling at the edge of his mind. He heard screams. Blood on his lips. He could taste the copper. He clenched his hands under the table.

Touka folded her arms. “I think you know what it is.”

“Touka…” Tsukiyama’s eyebrows were drawn in, his palms out. “Don’t you think that maybe –“

“He wants to know the truth. Why hide it from him? What good will it do?” Touka jerked her chin in Kaneki’s direction. “Well?”

 _To live is to feed on others_.

Kaneki lurched to his feet. The sudden bile rising in his throat made him clamp his hand over his mouth. He barely managed to stumble to the bathroom and kneel in front of the toilet in time. As he retched, he felt a hand on his back. He shook it off.

“ _Don’t touch me_.” He choked.

Whoever was there behind him backed off. There was a click as the door shut behind them. Kaneki gripped the edge of the toilet, stomach rolling even though there was nothing more to come up. His eyes watered – tears flowing down his cheeks. He didn’t know how long he sat in the bathroom, quietly sobbing. It could have been minutes, maybe even hours.

Eventually he ended up slumped against the floor, his weak body having used the last of its energy during his crying jag. Gentle hands lifted him into a seating position, and a wet washcloth was used to clean his face and hands. Kaneki didn’t have the energy to complain, let alone crack open his eyes.

“Do you think this will set back his progress?” Touka asked quietly.

A deep sigh. “Let’s hope not.”

But when Kaneki awoke the next day, he refused to leave his room, even for a breakfast of coffee and company. Instead, he curled up on his bed under the blankets.  
  
They ate people. It was knowledge that had been brimming to the surface for the past while, but now it was there. Out in the open. And Kaneki didn’t know if he could deal with it.  
  
Somehow, he _knew_ he had to eat people to survive, but it didn’t make him feel less like a monster. When Touka came to his room and disturbed him, that was what he told her. He watched her face twist up with rage that he knew he had seen before, but couldn’t quite remember. Tsukiyama pulled her away while she spit insults at him. She didn’t return to his room to try and coax him out again. Tsukiyama tried a few times, seeming at a loss when Kaneki continually refused to eat for days. After a while, he simply sat on the edge of Kaneki’s bed and took up reading out loud to him again.  
  
More days passed and Kaneki’s stomach was getting harder to ignore. He would doze often, dreaming of the taste of meat in his mouth, the feel of it tearing from flesh. He would wake up horrified - and drooling.  
  
It was getting harder to think – to pay attention to the stories Tsukiyama was telling him. Because even if he was hopelessly upset, he still appreciated the escape from reality that those stories offered. But he was in pain. Slowly, but surely, ever part of him started to hurt. Especially his head. He had a constant throbbing behind his eyes that just wouldn’t go away. He resisted the urge to scratch at them, only pressing his palms against them.  
  
It happened late one afternoon. Tsukiyama was reading to him. Kaneki was lying in bed, turned away from him. He couldn’t hear the words coming out of Tsukiyama’s mouth. The only thing he could hear was his heartbeat - so steady compared to Kaneki’s own. His skin was clammy and pale, his breathes shuddering.  
  
Was this what it was like to starve to death?  
  
His left eye felt strange. Like the skin around it was growing tight. Some desperate, foreign, animal need was growing in him. He needed to eat - to feed - to devour. It didn’t matter much what it was - so long as it provided sustenance. Kaneki curled up tighter on the mattress, trying to banish his thoughts, but it was useless.  
  
He shifted over in bed, drawn by the sound of a heart pumping fresh blood through living veins. Tsukiyama had yet to notice the attention, engrossed in the book he was reading. His sleeves were rolled up, revealing the smooth skin of his forearms. Before Kaneki even knew what he was doing, he frantically grabbed the arm and sunk his teeth into the flesh.  
  
There was a hiss of pain, and an instinctually jerk as Tsukiyama tried to pull his arm out of Kaneki’s grasp. But Kaneki held firm, hardly even chewing the bite he took. It slid down his throat with a taste like rotten meat, but his pain eased considerably and his senses heightened, all focused on the meal in front of him. His stomach rumbled again and he took another bite, chewing that time. Then another. He only paused when he felt a hand on his head, running through his hair.  
  
With a gasp, Kaneki jerked back. Tsukiyama’s arm was mutilated, spilling blood onto the mattress. Blood ran down Kaneki’s chin and throat, sticking his shirt to his chest. Tsukiyama himself was sickly pale, but surprising composed. He hardly paid attention as the muscle and skin of his arm slowly started to knit itself back together. Instead, he focused on Kaneki, who felt like curling up into a ball and crying again.  
  
“Non, non. It’s okay.” Tsukiyama said. “You were starving. Most ghouls know what that feels like. I don’t blame you at all.”  
  
“But I... I hurt you. I’m sorry.” Kaneki’s lips trembled and his eyes watered. It took all his self-control to not burst into tears. He was still staring at Tsukiyama’s arm in horror of what he’d done.  
  
“I forgive you.”  
  
Kaneki shook his head rapidly. No. No. Something like this couldn’t be forgiven.  
  
“Kaneki... I know you do not remember. But -“ Tsukiyama sighed. “Kaneki, please look at me.”  
  
When Kaneki did, Tsukiyama smiled.  
  
“I have done worse to you in the past. So please, do not feel like you have to apologize to me.” Tsukiyama’s eyes were sad.  
  
“You say that...” Kaneki swallowed thickly. “You say that like you deserved it.”  
  
Tsukiyama winced. “Ah well, I haven’t always been the kindest. So I suppose I do.”  
  
Kaneki couldn’t imagine what could’ve happened between them to make Tsukiyama feel so guilty. But from what Kaneki saw, Tsukiyama was a good person - a good friend - at least to Kaneki. He couldn’t have imagined the past few weeks without him or Touka by his side. “I’m glad you’re here. Whatever happened, I forgive you too.”  
  
Tsukiyama blinked, something hopeful in his expression. “We’ll see if you still feel that way when you regain your memories, oui?”  
  
Tsukiyama stood and offered Kaneki his healthy arm, which Kaneki took hesitantly. Tsukiyama pulled him to his feet. At Tsukiyama’s prompting, Kaneki followed him to the bathroom, taking a seat on the edge of the bath.  
  
Tsukiyama washed his then healed arm, rolling his sleeve up more so he could get all the blood. “You should clean up. I’ll bring you a fresh pair of clothes. Once you’re done, meet me in the kitchen.”  
  
It wasn’t like Kaneki could complain after what had happened. He stripped off his bloodied clothes and stepped under the spray of the shower, not waiting for it to heat up. While he was showering, he heard Tsukiyama and Touka speak briefly, then some clattering in the kitchen.  
  
As promised, there were clothes waiting for Kaneki when he got out - a soft pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. Kaneki made his way to the kitchen, freezing when he saw there was plate with meat set in his usual spot. Touka and Tsukiyama were both sat at the table as well, coffee in hand.  
  
Kaneki reluctantly took a seat, swallowing back the bile in his throat when he lifted his fork. His hand shook as he took a bite, but he managed to swallow. It tasted so good - too good. Tears slipped down his cheeks, but he continued to eat until it was all gone.  
  
“Have you learned your lesson now?” Touka asked dully.  
  
Tsukiyama sucked his teeth and kicked her shin under the table. She glared at him as Kaneki nodded numbly.  
  
Touka regarded him again, a little kinder this time. “If it makes you feel any better, this came from a suicide victim. We didn’t kill anyone for this meal. We know how you feel about that.”  
  
Kaneki glanced towards Tsukiyama, who nodded in agreement.  
  
“What - what the hell am I?” To need to eat human food to live... “What are we?”  
  
“Ghouls.”  
  
~<3<3<3~  
  
Dreams were strange. Some were nonsensical, and some were so vivid they left Kaneki reeling, staring at his ceiling in the dead of night covered in sweat. Some he couldn’t tell whether they were memories returning to him or not, but other times he was sure. Wholly, dreadfully sure. Kaneki wiggled his fingers and toes - knowing they were still attached, but having to check anyway. He could still feel the phantom pain of the torture - hear the centipede in his ear - see the corpses of that poor mother and son who were murdered by Yamori.  
  
Kaneki threw himself out of bed and strode to the kitchen, making a beeline for the coffeemaker. More and more he was finding coffee to be grounding. It was a comfort. A small one, but a comfort no less. He must have been louder than he thought, because moments later Touka joined him in the kitchen, pouring herself a cup of coffee from the pot he made.  
  
“Bad dreams?”  
  
“Memories.”  
  
Touka hummed. She was aware that slowly, but surely, he was getting them back. He first confided in her when had a dream about Tsukiyama taking him to a room full of people who wanted to eat him. She confirmed that it had, in fact, happened. No more and no less. She told Kaneki to form his own opinions on the matter, based on what he knew about Tsukiyama then, and what he knows about Tsukiyama now. It was awkward for a few days, talking to him. Kaneki was sure Tsukiyama knew something was wrong, but he treated him no differently and didn’t push any boundaries. But the Tsukiyama he knew was caring and helped look after him, so until he regained all his memories, he decided to look at things from the current perspective. Especially when he didn’t have the whole story.  
  
“Want to talk about it?” Touka leaned against the counter and pushed her bangs out of her face.  
  
Kaneki shook his head. “Not this one.” He didn’t know if he ever could. It made him sick just to think about it. He gritted his teeth and before he knew it, he was cracking a knuckle.  
  
Touka raised her eyebrows. “Ah.”  
  
Kaneki sagged in one of the chairs, setting his coffee down in front of him. He stared at the ceiling. Touka settled across from him, cracking open a Biology textbook. At Tsukiyama and Kaneki’s insistent pushing, she was returning to high school. Kaneki didn’t need a caregiver 24/7 anymore, and besides, Tsukiyama was still around most of the time anyway. Despite Kaneki’s slight unease, he did trust him.

“I need…” Kaneki clenched and unclenched his hands, glaring at the ceiling. “I need to do something. I feel so useless right now.”

“And you’re going to keep on being useless until you’re fully recovered, or I will personally kick your ass.” Touka chewed on the end of her pen before taking some notes. Her writing looked like chicken scratch. “You may be feeling a lot better, but you still sustained significant damage. Take your time to recover.”

Kaneki rolled his eyes. “If I have to go on one more jog in the park in a disguise at midnight with either of you, I think I’m going to lose my mind.”

“I think you’ve already lost it.” 

Kaneki snorted. “You know what I mean.”

“You want a spar.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

Kaneki groaned. “And here I though you would be loving the opportunity to kick my ass.”

“Normally, I would. But I spent too much time helping your dumb ass heal – and you’re not done _healing_ – so I’m not going to risk doing any more damage.” Touka stared him down. “Now let me study. I have a test in three days and I’m so far behind, I’m up to my eyeballs in this shit. And pour me more coffee instead of sulking like that.” She pushed her empty mug in his direction.

Kaneki grumbled, but obliged. Maybe if he asked Tsukiyama, he would spar with him. It was worth a try, once he woke up. Tsukiyama was somewhat of a late-riser, so it would be at least a few hours before he awoke, considering it was only – Kaneki peaked at the clock – five in the morning. Resigning himself to tense and anxiety-ridden morning from his latest memories, he grabbed a book off one of the numerous bookshelves and cracked it open.

He was half-way through it when Tsukiyama arrived in the kitchen, already dressed in fancy pants and a silk shirt. He poured himself a cup of coffee, peering over Touka’s shoulder to see what she was reading.

“Fuck off,” she muttered.

“Moody.” He shook his head, then nodded towards Kaneki. “And good morning to you.”

“Morning.” Kaneki marked his place in the book and set it down, rubbing his eyes. They felt heavy from lack of sleep, but he was still too tightly wound to go take a nap. “Tsukiyama, I was wondering…”

“He wants to spar. I already told him no.” Touka cut in, not glancing up from her book.

Tsukiyama tilted his head. He regarded Kaneki for a long moment, taking in his coiled frame and the slightly unfocused look in his eyes. “While I’m sure a full fight is not a good idea, I’m not sure if a spar would be a bad one.”

Touka looked up, glaring at both of them. Between Tsukiyama’s placid expression and Kaneki’s pleading one, she relented. “Fine. Just be careful.”

Tsukiyama brightened and Kaneki already felt the first little bit of tension drain from his shoulders. He followed Tsukiyama down a set of stairs, hidden behind a secret door behind a shelf in the pantry. Below, there was a large hall that was part of the underground network of tunnels made by ghouls long ago.

“Thank you for backing me.”

Tsukiyama smiled. “I recognized the look in your eyes.”

~<3<3<3~

Kaneki wouldn’t say that he _snuck_ out. But for once, Touka was spending the night elsewhere – with a friend named Yoriko, so she couldn’t mother-hen him. Kaneki regained enough of his memories to have an idea of who he was – and what he did. His training with Tsukiyama was getting more and more intensive – enough that Kaneki was itching to test his skills in a real fight.

Both of them dressed in dark clothing, donned their masks, and set out to the tenth ward. Tsukiyama had been tracking a group of ghouls long before Kaneki even came to him for help. More than Touka, Tsukiyama seemed to understand his darker moods, and how to handle them. For that, Kaneki was thankful.

They took to rooftops, wind whipping through Kaneki’s hair. He was breathless from exertion, but he was enjoying himself. He grinned under his mask and launched himself at the next rooftop, using his kagune to grab it when he fell a little short. Tsukiyama landed elegantly next to him.

“Magnifique, Kaneki.”

Kaneki huffed a laugh and laid down on the roof, looking up at the sky. He could just barely make out a couple stars. “Give me a second.”

Tsukiyama hummed. “If it’s too much, just say the words. I’ll ferry you back home.” He crouched next to him, looking up at the sky as well. “It’s beautiful. I remember looking up at the sky from our country home as a child. It’s much better outside the city.”

“You never told me about your childhood.” Kaneki remembered most of his time with Tsukiyama, Banjou and Hinami, although some things still escaped him. But he knew he didn’t know much about Tsukiyama. He never asked. But now, despite their turbulent past, Kaneki trusted him. He considered him a friend, and he wanted to know more about him.

“My papa spoiled me rotten. Everything I wanted, I could have. He loves me very much. He spoils me even now.” Tsukiyama brushed some dust off his knee. “I was very awkward – not very good with talking with others.”

Kaneki snorted.

“I’m still working on that,” Tsukiyama amended. “I’m glad that nowadays I can have more honest friendships, rather than the playdates my father sent to play with me… and what do you remember of your childhood?”

Kaneki chewed on his lip. “My dad died before I ever knew him. He was the reason I liked to read so much. My mother –“ Kaneki winced, remembering a raised hand above him – _It’s better to be hurt than to hurt others_. “She worked hard. Too hard. She died when I was ten from exhaustion. My aunt took me in afterward.” Kaneki left it at that.

Tsukiyama must have sensed his sour mood, so he let the topic drop as well.

Kaneki pushed to his feet and stretched briefly. “We should get going.”

They traveled for another half hour or so before they came to the section of the ward that was the group’s hunting ground. Eventually they found them in an alley – all four of them based on Tsukiyama’s intel. They were crouch in front of a woman. The man Kaneki guessed was the leader was elbow deep in her abdomen.

Ghouls had to eat to live. There were some who fed on those who already died. There were those who killed humans who hurt others. There were those that just plain killed humans to eat. Then there were those like the ones before them – tearing into the abdomen of a pregnant woman.

_Rotten coffee beans had to be culled._

Kaneki was too late to help this poor woman, but the least he could do was make sure there were none who came after her.

He stepped off the roof, landing right on top of one of them. There was crunching as bones broke – some of his own, but mostly from the ghoul he landed on. They were sprawled out under Kaneki. He stood, feeling his injuries heal as he uncoiled himself. He regarded the ghoul under him. They were choking, spitting up blood from the ribs that most likely punctured their lungs.

He crushed their head under his foot.

“Next.” He glared at the three other ghouls.

Two of them threw themselves at him. Kaneki skewered one with his kagune, pinning them up against a nearby a wall. The other ghoul shot projectiles at him – an ukaku then. They were quick, but Kaneki easily dodged out of the way. As he withdrew his kagune, the ghoul who was skewered dropped limply to the ground. The ukaku released another barrage of blows, forcing Kaneki to the side and closer to the leader of the group. The leader released his kokaku kagune – sending it straight for Kaneki’s face.

In that moment, Kaneki was sent somewhere else – to a field full of corpses. A man with white hair and glasses standing before him – a quinque though his brain – and – and – and

 _Despair_.

With a gasp, Kaneki barely managed to dodge in time – the kagune slicing deeply into his cheek. He responded quickly and violently. He hardly paid the ukaku ghoul any mind – stabbing them through like the last one. He threw himself at the leader. He wasn’t bothered by the kokaku puncturing his stomach. Not when he already had a chuck of the man’s shoulder torn out.

There was a cry of pain as Kaneki knocked him on his stomach and pinned his limbs to the ground with his kagune.

It was time to feed.

Kaneki unzipped his mask and ate until he could no longer – the man’s screams stopping with a simple snap of the neck. Blood covered Kaneki’s face and chest, the foul taste of rotten fish lingering in his mouth. He stood, turning to Tsukiyama.

“Très bien.”

Kaneki had a lot of work to do. He had to get strong. Strong enough that even the Reaper couldn’t threaten him or his friends ever again. He would carve out a space for them in this world – no matter what it took.


	3. A Familiar Horror

There was something about overlooking the city that gave Kaneki peace. The lights from various cars and billboards danced below. People milled about after a long day at work or school, looking no bigger than ants.

Kaneki stood from his crouch and stretched his legs. Ten minutes was a long enough break, even though he was still early to meet with Tsukiyama. He took a running leap to the next rooftop, ducking into a rolling to minimize the impact.

They were meeting at an abandoned house in the twelfth ward. There were unusual disappearances in the area they were monitoring for some time. Recently, a child on their way to school stated they saw a monster in the abandoned building. It wouldn’t have been investigated – if there weren’t numerous other complaints of strange noises and sightings near the area.

When there were no more buildings to run on top, Kaneki took to the streets, staying in the shadows. While ghouls were accepted, people generally didn’t like to see them lurking. It didn’t help that Kaneki was also wearing his mask, protecting his identity.

He arrived just as Tsukiyama pulled up in a limo. Tsukiyama stepped out, adjusting his suit. He eyed Kaneki’s ruffled appearance with an exasperated sigh. “I offered a ride. It would have been a pleasure, non?”

“I prefer the run.” Kaneki stretched again. He felt plenty limbered up for a fight if there was one.

The house was desolate and quiet. Nothing seemed to be amiss. Just an old family home that was left for too long and began to fall into disrepair. The home used to belong to a human baker, who had passed suddenly, leaving all the property and belongings to his son, who was studying abroad in England. That was twenty years ago, and they guessed the son hadn’t come back home in all that time.

Maybe it would turn out to be nothing.

They walked through the house, disturbing the dust on the floor. There were muddy footprints littered across the floor, and what looked to be a makeshift bed in one of the corners of the living room, likely left by a vagrant. It looked like it hadn’t been touched in quite some time.

They were going to continue further into the house when Tsukiyama stepped on the large carpet in front of a rotting sofa. The floor creaked suspiciously. Tsukiyama and Kaneki paused, exchanging a glance. Tsukiyama stepped off the carpet and knelt to inspect it. The dirt around it was disturbed, like the carpet had been moved multiple times.

Tsukiyama rolled it aside and whistled. “My. What _do_ we have here?”

There was a wooden trapdoor, with the edges worn. Tsukiyama opened it with ease, revealing a metal shaft with a ladder heading down. There was a light at the bottom of the ladder, revealing another metal passageway.

“Some type of doomsday shelter maybe?”

They went down the ladder, finding a thick metal door. There was a pad for a code to be punched in beside it. Kaneki frowned, trying to think what this place reminded him of.

“Kaneki, dear. If you would be so kind?”

Kaneki lifted his sweater and let his kagune slither out. It a single strike, he knocked the door off its hinges. When they stepped into the room, Kaneki’s stomach dropped. At the center of the room was an operating table. And lining the walls – dozens of tanks filled with bodies. On the far side of the room was a computer and filing system. Kaneki kept his footsteps light, watching the bodies in the tanks suspiciously.

There was some paperwork on the table, dated and signed two years earlier by Doctor Kanou. Bile rose in Kaneki’s throat as he read the notes, all pertaining to the creation of half-ghouls. There were newer notes too, written by hand and unsigned, though they were dated. The latest entry was only two days prior.

Kanou may have been dead, but it was apparent Kaneki hadn’t succeeded in destroying all his research. Someone, somewhere, had copies. And they were trying to recreate his experiments. He should have known Kanou would have kept a backup somewhere. He should have questioned him, interrogated him, before he jammed his kagune through his stomach. He should have paused to think, but was too driven by anger and righteousness. If he had, would all these people have died? Was Kaneki’s lack of thoroughness the cause of this?

Tsukiyama put a hand on his shoulder. “I think we should contact Akira and Amon.”

Kaneki hated to agree, but he did. Judging by the notes, this wasn’t the only facility. He had no idea how many people were involved, or how big this operation was. Akira and Amon would be able to help, even though the thought of digressing more secrets made him feel sick. His past with Kanou felt deeply personal to him. He didn’t want to share it, and the trauma that came with it. He wondered how long it would take for Amon and Akira to find out the truth, and who they would share that truth with.

“Could you call them?” Kaneki eyed the bodies in the tanks, his stomach rolling. Dead. All of them dead. All of them failed experiments. “I think I need some time.”

“Oui. Take as much as you need.” Tsukiyama pulled out his phone and dialed, then cursed. “No service down here. I’m going to head on up.”

“I’ll stay down here and wait.” Kaneki placed his hands on the glass of one of the tanks.

Akira and Amon arrived soon after. Akira’s lips were pursed, and Amon’s eyebrows were drawn as they took in the sight of the lab. They too must have remembered the lab of Kanou’s they raided many years earlier.

Together they went over the information in the files, but found nothing to help them find the other facilities, or the people who were involved. They were only left with unease, knowing that somewhere in Tokyo, countless horrors were lurking. And that at the moment, there was absolutely nothing they could do about it.

~<3<3<3~

Kaneki continued to pour over photocopies of the notes for the lab for the following days. He hardly got any sleep, his school work lying forgotten on the kitchen table. It was early Saturday morning when Kaneki was sitting on the couch in his coffee-stained shirt, with baggy eyes, when he received a text from Hide.

“ _Shit_.” Kaneki’s lack of sleep made him wobble as he stood. But he quickly made his way to his room and pulled together an outfit that was clean, and wasn’t too crinkled. He took the quickest shower of his life, then hurried out, almost forgetting to put his shoes on.

_He was late for his date with Hide._

Kaneki arrived at the bookstore fifteen minutes later, his hair still wet and uncombed. Hide was waiting for him with two cups of coffee. He grinned as soon as he saw Kaneki, who gratefully took the coffee that was offered to him.

“I’m _so_ sorry.” Kaneki stammered. “I was up late and –“ Kaneki ran his hand through his hair, trying to tame the mess. “I lost track of time. _Sorry_.” He was terribly embarrassed. He was the one who suggested the date in the first place, and he _really_ wanted it to go well. But here he was, already fucking it up.

“It’s okay,” Hide placated easily. “I get it.”

Kaneki relaxed immediately, offering a soft smile in return.

Hide touched his cheek, thumb tracing under Kaneki’s eyes. _God_ , Kaneki would never get over how easily Hide touched him. “By staying up late, did you mean not getting any sleep at all?”

“Uh…” Kaneki bit his lip. “I may have dozed off at some point?” He wasn’t really sure. The only thing he could remember was going over the notes until he memorized them and the words started to blur.

“Do you need to postpone this? We could –“

“No! No, it’s okay.” Kaneki drank some of the coffee Hide got him. “So long as I have my coffee, I’m good. Thank you, by the way.”

“You’re very, _very_ welcome.” Hide offered Kaneki his hand, who after a moment, took it. He hoped Hide wouldn’t mind how cold Kaneki’s always were. One hand warmed by his coffee cup, and the other by Hide’s hand, they walked into the small bookstore.

Hide immediately dragged him over to the section with manga and imported comics, spouting seemingly unlimited information about various stories and their characters. Kaneki noted he was mostly into stories with superheroes, or superpowers. Hide picked up a couple of issues he was particularly interested in.

When Kaneki started talking about the types of stories he was into, Hide all but shoved him towards the horror section, hovering over his shoulder eagerly as he browsed various titles.

“You like Takatsuki Sen?” Hide was holding up a copy of one of her later novels. “She’s the author that came out as a ghoul just after the TSC was formed, right?”

“She is.” Kaneki plucked the book from Hide’s fingers. “She was one of my favourite authors before I even knew she was a ghoul. But knowing what we do now, it certainly paints her books in a different light. I reread all of them once I found out.” For the fifth or sixth time.

“You are _such_ a nerd,” Hide said as he shelved the book. “It’s kind of cute.”

Kaneki flushed. “You don’t get to tease me for being a nerd, Mr. Comic Book Extraordinaire.”

“Pfft. As if that will stop me.” Hide curled an arm around Kaneki’s waist. When he didn’t lean or shift away, hie tightened his hold, his palm pressed firmly against Kaneki’s hip. “Besides, you’re adorable when you blush.”

_Fuck_. “You’re embarrassing,” Kaneki mumbled. He enjoyed Hide’s warmth though, so he leaned against him. The bookshop was empty save for the clerk and someone browsing a few aisles over, so he placed a gentle kiss on Hide’s jaw before slipping out of his grasp.

Hide squawked and followed after him to the register. Hide insisted on paying for the one book Kaneki picked out, despite already paying for the coffee he got them that morning. Kaneki relented. Kaneki was a little sad the date was coming to an end, but he had to get back home and look over the notes again, and maybe get a little bit of schoolwork done.

“There’s no way I’m letting you walk home alone.” Hide elbowed Kaneki in the ribs. “You look like you might fall over at any moment.”

Kaneki rolled his eyes. “I’m used to it. Not gonna fall over. I promise.”

“Still.” Hide hooked their arms together. “Let me walk you home, please?” And then he batted those beautiful, honey-brown eyes at him.

Kaneki couldn’t refuse. He let Hide walk him all the way to door of his apartment.

He turned and faced Hide, smiling expectantly. “This was nice.” Hide was nice. Kind and gentle. He really hoped Hide thought the same – that he would want to do it again. “I had fun.”

“I’m glad.” Hide curled an arm around his waist again. When Kaneki leaned into his touch, he curled his other arm around him as well, his bag from the bookstore settling against Kaneki’s hip. He leaned in, close enough Kaneki could feel his breath on his lips. “Yes?”

“Yes.” Kaneki’s eyes slid shut when Hide pressed his lips against his gently. His heart hammered in his chest, and he wasn’t quite sure what to do with his hands, but Hide didn’t seem to mind his inexperience.

When he pulled back, he was smiling gently. He ran his thumb over Kaneki’s bottom lip, making his breath hitch slightly. “I’ll message you later.” He pressed another kiss to Kaneki’s cheek. “Get some sleep, okay?”

He left with a grin, and Kaneki couldn’t help but smile too as he unlocked the door to his apartment. He touched his lips, feeling a little giddy. He wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to sleep, but if he could, he was sure he would dream of Hide, his sunshine smile, and his lips against his.

~<3<3<3~

After the Aogiri Raid, Kaneki and Touka went their separate ways. As much as he missed her, he was glad with his decision to keep her away from his anti-Aogiri group. He occasionally dropped by Anteiku after-hours to pay her a visit, but was more often than not met with cold glares and silence. After the Anteiku Raid, she studied hard, graduated high school with flying colours and was awarded numerous scholarships that allowed her to attend Kamii University’s Biology Faculty with almost a full-ride.

While Kaneki recovered from fighting Arima, they reconciled. And when Kaneki formed Goat and Touka demanded Kaneki let her into his circle… he didn’t have any reason to refuse her anymore. She was an adult – driven towards her goals. She wouldn’t have to throw away her dreams to help him – not like she would have if she joined him after Aogiri. If she wanted to help – that was her decision. She was powerful. When the TSC was formed, she more often than not hunting down rogue and violent ghouls for some extra money.

At the same time Kaneki was going to start back up at university, Touka started apartment hunting so she wouldn’t have to travel so far to get to campus. It was an odd – and initially awkward arrangement – but they ended up moving in together. They had a small two-bedroom apartment with a living room, kitchen and bathroom. They made it work.

“I thought you were going to _help_ me with my essay.”

“I said I would help. Not write it for you.” Kaneki leaned over his notes discussing the novel he was currently reading for his class. He neglected working on it while he poured over the notes on Kanou’s research. Two weeks, and they still had nothing to go on. “I’ll proofread and offer criticism after you actually write something down. Besides, sciences aren’t my strength. If you need more help, you should ask Nishiki.”

Touka scoffed. “That jackass would probably just make fun of me. Kimi would be a better bet. Besides, then I could talk to her about some of her research on ghoul physiology.” She had a slightly dreamy expression. Touka wanted answers – answers for what they were and how they came to be. When she set her mind to something – she was tenacious.

“You enjoy that. It would go over my head.” Kaneki much preferred his area of study, where he could lose himself in a fictional world. “Every time I go in for Kimi’s tests, I have no clue what she’s talking about.” He could sit there for hours and be poked and prodded. He hoped it would further their research on ghouls, and could improve the lives of them – but he didn’t need to know how it was done. It was enough for him to know he was helping.

“Maybe you would understand if you paid attention.” Touka pushed her laptop away from her with a groan and closed the lid. “This is going nowhere – I don’t even have two sentences down.”

“I, myself, am having a rather productive study session.”

Touka stood and leaned over his notes. “Is that why you have doodles of your human boyfriend in the margins?”

Kaneki slapped his notebook shut and frowned at her. “He’s not my boyfriend. We went on one date.”

“Technically. But you hang out at the university all the time – _make him coffee_ , and you always have this dreamy look on your face nowadays.” Touka gestured to Kaneki’s notebook. “And now you’re doodling little chibi versions of him, surrounded by flowers.”

“Touka…” God, she took too much fun in teasing him.

“What? It’s cute.” Touka smirked. “Kaneki Ken has a crush. On a fragile human.”

“You’re not one to talk.” Touka had her own crush on her friend Yoriko, who was also human. And based on the pots of food in Touka’s fridge, Yoriko didn’t even know Touka was a ghoul yet.

“True.” Touka conceded. “But he _is_ human.”

“Hide knows I’m a ghoul. Nowadays, that’s not as dangerous as it used to be. Besides, I’m already registered as one with the TSC.”

“As Kaneki Ken. Not as Centipede.” Not as the One-Eyed King. Not as the leader of the rebellion, the founder of Goat, and a member of the United Front working with the Tokyo Security Committee. Hardly any ghouls – only his close friends – knew his true identity. No humans did.

Kaneki sighed.

“All I’m saying, is be careful with what information you give him. You hardly know him, and well – you don’t need him to hurt you.”

“I’m not going to go up to him on our next date and go ‘hey, did you know I used to be an SS ranked ghoul?’”

Touka laughed and did a very bad imitation of his voice. “ _Oh Hide, did you know the CCG used to piss themselves in their beds at night when they thought of me?_ ”

Kaneki rolled his eyes. “But it all seriousness… I _will_ be careful. I’m not as naïve as I used to be. But still, thank you for the concern.”

“Oh, please. You’re still plenty naïve.”

Kaneki had a sinking feeling that maybe she was right. He was naïve, in many ways. Sure, he had grown stronger over the years. He did his best to protect his friends, but would they ever be truly safe? Was it foolish to try and start a romantic relationship? To expect it to turn out well? Especially with a human? Like Touka said: a fragile, weak human, who could so easily be taken from him?

Touka slid beside him on the couch and collided their shoulders none too gently. “You can always count on me to give you the honest truth. No matter how harsh. That being said… there something bothering you lover-boy? You haven’t looked this constipated in a while.”

Touka always knew how to put things eloquently. But there _was_ something bothering him. He couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was following them while they were at school. It worried him, in addition to his other anxieties.

“Well? Spit it out?”

“I’m sure it’s nothing…”

“That always means it’s _something.”_

Kaneki glared, but his stomach twisted uncomfortably. “We’re being followed. I’m sure of it.” He could feel eyes on him sometimes, but when he looked about, he couldn’t find anyone suspicious. Hide himself didn’t seem to notice anything, other than Kaneki’s strange behaviour.

Touka’s teasing expression faded. She tapped her fingers against the arm of the sofa thoughtfully. “It could just be Tsukiyama being nosy, or even an ex-lover of Hide’s… but… I can look into it if you want? Keep my ears and eyes open. Are you worried he’s going to be attacked?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. If something happens and it’s my fault…” Kaneki clenched his trembling hands. “I don’t know what I would do.”

“Well, then we’ll just have to make sure nothing happens to him.”

In that moment, Kaneki was so incredibly grateful to her he could have cried. “Thank you.”

“Ugh, just don’t get sappy with me.” She pushed to her feet. “Want coffee?”


	4. A Different Normal

Kaneki was starting to get back into the rhythm of going to classes. He was starting to feel more and more like he belonged there. It was slowly becoming his new normal. Or maybe like his old normal, back before he was a ghoul.

But something – or rather _someone_ – that was new and very welcome, was Hide.

There were fifteen minutes left in class – given to work on an essay that was due the following week. Kaneki already finished, and only had to proofread what was on his laptop in his bag. He spent the time doodling in his notebook. And so what if they were little doodles of flowers and Hide? Touka could go suck a lemon.

They were meeting after class and going to Hide’s place to study. When he told Touka earlier that morning, she wiggled her eyebrows and made some very suggestive movements with her hips. He didn’t think they would… _no_. Surely, they wouldn’t. It was way too early in their relationship for that, wasn’t it? They were hardly dating.

There were only a couple minutes left of class, and Kaneki felt a blush rising to his cheeks. Not that the idea of _doing that_ with Hide was _bad_ , it was just… he just… was nowhere _near_ ready for that... Kaneki stopped doodling and closed his notebook, shoving it into his bag. He had to get himself together before he met with Hide. It wouldn’t do him any good to be too nervous to form a coherent thought.

Class was over, and people were slowly, but steadily, filing out of the classroom. Kaneki followed suit, eager despite his nervousness to see Hide. He was waiting on a bench under a tree outside of the building, waving enthusiastically when he saw Kaneki.

And just like that, he felt his unease melt away. He jogged over to meet him, smiling slightly in response to Hide’s wide grin. Hide curled an arm around his waist and kissed his cheek gently, not minding they were in public. Kaneki squirmed and placed his hands on his hips to move him away, but he couldn’t deny he loved the attention. Hide kissed his cheek a few more times before moving even an inch.

“Ugh, okay, okay.” He wriggled out of Hide’s grasp. All the time he spent composing himself was useless apparently, because his face was bright red again.

“You ready to go?” Hide trailed his hand along Kaneki’s back, then down his arm, where he grasped Kaneki’s hand. He swung their arms lightly, offering a squeeze of encouragement.

“Lead the way.”

It was Kaneki’s first time going to Hide’s apartment. He was excited to see Hide’s place. Did he have comic books lining the shelves like Kaneki had his books? Did he keep his place messy or clean? Did he have pictures lining the walls, or were they bare? What did his kitchen look like? His bathroom?

“There’s this one woman in my sociology course. Tsuki? Tsume? Ugh I don’t remember. But her name isn’t important. And my one friend Reiji –“ Hide called almost everyone his friend – even after they just met him. It was one thing Kaneki liked about him – his capacity to open his arms to so many people. “Well. He keeps trying to set me up with her. Which is terribly annoying, considering he knows I’m already with someone. And to be honest, I think she is too. But noooo. He thinks we would look so good together. Just because we both bleach our hair.” Hide rolled his eyes. He bumped shoulders with Kaneki. “Personally, I think no one looks better than us.”

He ruffled his hair with his free hand, grinning. The sunlight made it appear gold, and when the sun hit Hide’s gorgeous brown eyes, it showed all the flecks of gold in them too, like crystalized honey droplets. With his angular jaw and cheekbones, and the happy, contagious smile on his face, Kaneki couldn’t help but agree.

“I can see it now.” Hide swept an arm out wide. He certainly loved his dramatics. “We win a ‘The Hottest Couple’ contest. The crowd cheers. Throws roses.”

They reached Hide’s apartment building, only a couple minutes away from campus. Hide unlocked the exterior door, but they paused in the stairwell.

“I catch rose.” Hide grabbed a pen from his bag and held it high like a prize. “Do a spin.” He demonstrated – poorly. “Take your hand –“ Kaneki hesitantly offered it to him. “Spin you.” Kaneki followed along, his lips twitching up into a smile. “Tilt you over – and kiss you.” Hide stuck the pen between his teeth as he tipped Kaneki over – supporting his weight with his arms. He waggled his eyebrows, face a mere inch away from Kaneki’s – definitely trying too look suave and sexy, even though his arms were trembling from the effort. Kaneki took pity on his and pulled the pen out of his mouth, pressing their lips firmly together.

Hide groaned as he righted them. “Okay, that was a little harder than I thought it would be.”

“Good thing you practiced before the performance then.”

Hide pouted, so Kaneki leaned forward and kissed his again. He brought both hands to Hide’s cheeks, thumbs tracing his cheekbones. He pulled back an inch, their foreheads still touching. This close, he could see the tiny freckles that spread across Hide’s nose, cheeks and forehead.

He was gorgeous. Especially with red creeping up his cheeks and down his neck.

“Come on.” Hide grabbed Kaneki’s hand again, pulling him up two flights of stairs. He fumbled with his keys at his door. “I cleaned up a bit – but it’s an organized mess! I swear.”

So, he was messy then?

The apartment smelled like mint, and something faintly floral. He glanced around at all the bright-coloured posters on the wall, and the bookshelves filled with university textbooks, comic books and random knickknacks. His couch was covered in blankets, a thick rug underneath it, stained with spills from numerous drinks. It looked lived in – comfortable – like a _home_.

“Sit, sit, sit.” Hide waved to the couch, then pushed Kaneki towards it. Kaneki fell into the cushions, feeling like he was being swallowed by them. “I’ll put on some coffee. Meanwhile, do you mind plugging my laptop in for me? I forgot to charge it at lunch and it ran out of juice ten minutes before class was over.”

Kaneki dug into Hide’s laptop for his computer and charger, locating a wall outlet just to the left of the couch. There was some clanging about in the kitchen, and Kaneki wondered how much of a mess Hide could make while attempting to make coffee, but he decided to wait it out and see. He plugged in his laptop and started proofreading his essay – or well, trying to. His gaze kept drifting towards the kitchen every couple of sentences.

Hide came back soon enough, precariously carrying two too-full mugs full of coffee. Kaneki now knew why the carpet was so stained. “Okay, so I’m far from a barista, but I don’t think these are too bad. I watched some youtube videos and got some decent appliances. The grinder doesn’t grind everything evenly, and I think my pouring technique could use some work and uh –“ Hide laughed. “Well, I hope I did okay.”

Kaneki’s chest felt almost uncomfortably warm. Hide learned all of that just for him. Just so he could make him a half-decent cup of coffee when he came over. He understood how important coffee was for Kaneki – and he made a genuine effort for him.

Hide set the mugs on the coffee table, careful not to spill any. Kaneki could clearly see which one was his, since Hide’s was loaded with cream and sugar. As soon as they were set down safely, Kaneki caught Hide’s hand and pulled lightly.

“Thank you.” He didn’t know how to convey with words how thankful he was, but it seemed Hide understood. He lifted Kaneki’s hand and kissed his knuckles. His smiled was smaller and softer than usual.

Kaneki picked up his mug of coffee, somehow managing to not spill it all over himself, and took a sip. It was far from the best tasting coffee he ever had – but it was good. And even better, Hide made it just for him. Kaneki could happily drink it for the rest of his life.

“It’s good,” he hummed.

Hide’s expression brightened. He pulled his laptop into his lap, smiling to himself, then got to work. Kaneki turned back to his own essay, leaning back against the couch so their shoulders brushed.

It seemed that Touka was wrong, and Hide really did just want to study – and spend time with him. Kaneki found his presence calming, if somewhat distracting at times, but he did manage to get a far amount of work done. He could feel Hide’s steady breath as his shoulders rose and fell, and hear the quiet tapping of his fingers on his keyboard as he worked. Before Kaneki knew it, an hour had passed in silence, and Kaneki was finishing touching up his references and moving onto his final proofread and edit.

Hide stretched and yawned. He popped his neck a few times, then went to take a sip from his coffee, which had gone cold a while ago. Kaneki had finished his own, but was too comfortable and productive to bother getting up to get another cup.

Hide rose and took both their mugs, going for a refill. Kaneki stayed focused, hardly even noticing when Hide returned. Only when he finished the essay and saved it onto a USB drive for printing, he glanced away from his computer.

Hide’s laptop was resting on the table and he was cradling his mug in both hands, staring at Kaneki. “You get really into it, huh?” He reached forward and brushed a few pieces of Kaneki’s hair away his forehead. Kaneki automatically tilted his head into Hide’s hand, making him smile as he took to opportunity to card his fingers through his hair. “Time for a break?”

Kaneki hummed in agreement, letting his eyes slid shut.

Hide huffed a laugh, then kissed the tip of his nose. “I have just the thing.” Hide pulled out his phone and started scrolling through his music. Kaneki’s eyebrows rose when Hide put on a rather upbeat song and turned up the volume. Understanding dawned on him when Hide grabbed both his hands and started pulling him up.

“Oh good god. _Why_.”

“Activity is good to wake up your body and mind. It also improves mood. So come on!” Hide pulled at Kaneki’s hands, starting to move his hips out of rhythm with the music. “It’ll be fun!”

Kaneki wasn’t much of a dancer, but he let Hide pull him to his feet, though he didn’t do much dancing. That didn’t seem to bother Hide much, who continued moving out of rhythm and jerking his hips about. His arms joined, moving in a way Kaneki could only describe as a wild flail. It was incredibly silly and ridiculous looking, so Kaneki couldn’t help but smile.

Hide grinned in response and put his hands on Kaneki’s hips, urging him to move them. Kaneki did hesitantly. Hide’s wild dancing and terrible moves made it impossible to feel self-conscious. Hide gave a quiet cheer when Kaneki started dancing with him. Hide wrapped an arm around his waist and Kaneki responded by draping an arm over Hide’s shoulder. They danced in the living room for a couple minutes, grinning like idiots until the song was over.

The song changed to something that surely came from an anime or video game, Hide rushing to shut it off. Kaneki collapsed onto the couch, still laughing quietly. Hide sat next to him, pulling him into his arms. Kaneki leaned into him. The way Hide slanted his lips against his felt natural and _right_. Kaneki melted into his embrace with a happy sigh.

After a minute, Hide brushed his lips lightly against Kaneki’s one last time before pulling back. “Time to get to work?”

Kaneki groaned. He felt like he could spend a good couple hours kissing Hide, but he had to agree. He had more than one essay due next week. He settled back against Hide’s side and went to work, sipping his freshly poured coffee. Hide kept his mug full, pausing occasionally to play with Kaneki’s hair – plus their dance breaks at hourly intervals, which Kaneki was growing to like.

It was ten in the afternoon when they finally stopped their study session. Kaneki liked spending time with Hide, and could have stayed in his embrace for much longer, but he also wanted to head home and see if Touka had any new information for him. Hide said goodbye to him at the door, holding onto him a little while longer with seemingly endless goodbye kisses, which Kaneki was more than happy to accept.

~<3<3<3~

Touka was just finishing one of her essays when there was a knock on the door. She wasn’t expecting any visitors, so she was surprised when she opened the it to see Ayato standing there with a scowl, holding a manilla envelope.

“Touka!” Hinami pushed Ayato to the side and tackle-hugged her around the waist. Touka grunting and rocked back on her heels. Hinami had grown a lot over the past couple years, and was now just a little shorter than Touka herself.

Ayato rolled his eyes and stepped past them into the apartment, sweeping a critical eye over everything. “I spoke to some old contacts.” Ayato tossed the envelope onto the table. “There’s the information Kaneki was looking for on Kanou’s old facilities.” He glanced at Hinami. “Can we go now?”

Hinami grinned. “Not a chance.”

Ayato adopted a sour expression and sat in Touka’s favourite seat.

“I guess I’ll make some coffee then.” She put her textbooks away and settled into her regular routine when making coffee. Behind her, Ayato and Hinami spoke quietly to each other, as if Touka couldn’t hear them.

It was no secret to her that they were getting closer – had been for many years. Hinami and Ayato were living with Yomo since the founding of the TSC – since they could live without being hunted. Ayato continued to his work with the TSC, while Hinami decided to go to school.

Glancing out of the corner of her eye, she could see hesitant and soft touches between then, and gently spoken words. And while she was sure Ayato wasn’t aware of it, his expression softened considerable when he was looking at her. And he looked at her. A lot.

She supposed they had finally taken their relationship to the next level. Ah, young love. How adorable.

“Hinami, Kaneki will probably be back soon. Why don’t you go raid his room for books? I’m sure he’ll let you borrow them.” Hinami disappeared with delight.

Touka turned and leaned against the counter, looking down at her little brother. The more and more she stared without saying anything, the more his shoulders hunched and the more he scowled.

“What,” he snapped.

“Oh nothing.” Touka smirked. “it’s just cute seeing you all lovey-dovey.”

It was amusing, watching him try to maintain a blank expression and utterly failing. Eventually he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Is it really that obvious?”

“Painfully. How long have you been together?”

“A few weeks.” Ayato’s lips pursed. “Why is it any of your business?”

Touka scoffed. “Please. You’re my baby brother.” Touka pinched Ayato’s cheek, his eyes promising death. “And Hinami was like a little sister to me for many years. I’m deeply invested in this new development. Look at you two, growing up.”

Touka went back to the counter and finished making the coffee. She set a cup down in front of Ayato, he was still glowering.

“What do you want?” He hissed.

“Oh nothing.” Touka sipped her coffee. “Just want to make sure you’re doing okay. Getting everything you need. You know. Food. Condoms.”

Ayato’s hackles rose. “Could you not –“

“What you getting so embarrassed for?” Touka cocked her hip and smirked. “You don’t need the safe sex talk, do you?” She patted his head condescendingly.

Ayato flushed indignantly and swatted her hand away. “No – ugh. Just shut up.” He sputtered a bit more, then resigned himself to angerly drinking his coffee.

“In all seriousness now.” Touka settled across from him. “If you’re happy, and Hinami’s happy, then I’m happy.”

Ayato regarded her for a long moment, judging her sincerity. He relaxed setting his mug down. He crossed his arms on the table, a little smile adjourning his face. “Yeah, we’re happy.”

“Good.”

So long ago, living on the streets of Tokyo and killing to survive, Touka couldn’t have imagined their lives would turned out like this. She didn’t think she would be able to go to school, let along university. And then, after Ayato joined Aogiri, she wasn’t sure if they would ever be able to sit across from each other and have a conversation like brother and sister.

“Really though, if you _do_ need anything –“

“Touka, _please –_ “

She laughed. She was happy she could still tease him. She was happy he was part of his life, even if he was a brat.

Hinami came back from Kaneki’s room with an armful of books. She set them on the counter, taking in Ayato’s reddened face and Touka’s smug smile.

“What’d I miss?”


	5. A Troublesome Situation

Hide curled up miserably on the couch, sniffling. He ended up skipping classes that day, having woken up with a clogged nose and sore throat. Upon trying to stand, the room spun around him, so he took some medication and resigned himself to staying home for the rest of the day. The television played some drama, though he could hardly focus on it, too sick to find a comfortable position, and too tired to get up and do something about it.

Hide’s phone buzzed on the table, and he groaned. He already responded to everyone he had to, and cancelled plans with Kaneki that afternoon. Hide pulled the blankets over his head and licked his dry lips, feeling sorry for himself.

There was a knock on the door.

Hide ignored it. Hoping he had just imagined it. When there was another knock, he kicked his blankets off with a scowl and a sigh. He swore when he almost tripped. He took a second to get his bearings and waited for the room to stop spinning before he unsteadily wobbled to the door.

Kaneki was standing on the other side, carrying a couple bags.

“Wha –“

“A delivery guy let me in.” Kaneki smiled, looking Hide up and down. “I brough some soup. Medication. Tissues.” He looked Hide up and down again. “And I wanted to make sure you were doing alright.”

Warmth filled Hide’s chest and he had to fight to keep his already watery eyes from tearing. He couldn’t remember the last time someone came to look after him.

“Let’s get you back in bed.” Kaneki’s expression was pinched as he pressed the back of his hand to Hide’s forehead. He placed his hand on Hide’s shoulder and guided him back to the nest of blankets he made on the couch.

He put his bags on the table and helped Hide wrap the blankets around himself until he was nice and cocooned. Hide rested his head against the pillows and listened to the drama playing in the background, as well as the faint noises Kaneki made in his kitchen as he heated up whatever soup he brought for Hide.

Maybe he was drifting in and out of sleep, but before he knew it, there was a steaming bowl of miso soup placed in front of him, as well as mug of tea which smelled of ginger and honey. Kaneki combed his fingers through Hide’s gross, sweaty hair.

“Have you taken any medicine?”

“I ran out.” Hide mumbled. He got sick fairly often, and he was usually stocked up on medicine, but he ran out a few weeks ago and hadn’t replenished his stock.

“Here.” Kaneki held out a few pills and the tea, which Hide took thankfully. He let Kaneki maneuver him into a sitting position and took the bowl of miso soup with tofu offered to him. He only realized how hungry he was when he smelled the soup, his stomach grumbling. As he ate, Kaneki continued to fuss over him.

“I’m okay,” Hide hummed. He leaned against Kaneki, resting his head against his shoulder. “I get sick all the time. I’m used to it.”

“You haven’t been drinking enough fluids.” Kaneki’s thumb traced his bottom lip. “Your lips are cracked.” He took Hide’s empty bowl from his hands and replaced it with the tea.

Hide finished half his tea and set it on the table. It made his sore throat feel better, and he was getting tired. Hide shivered, since his blankets partially slid off when he leaned forward. When he settled back on the couch and shivered again, Kaneki pulled him towards him. Hide ended up almost on his lap, turned slightly so he could press his face against Kaneki’s chest.  
  
“You shouldn’t be here,” Hide mumbled. Even so, when Kaneki pulled a blanket around his shoulders and held him close, he practically melted against him. “I don’t wanna get you sick.” He punctuated the sentence with a loud sniffle.  
  
“I’m a ghoul.” Kaneki’s breath rustled Hide’s hair. “I don’t get sick. And I’d rather be with you.”  
  
“My nose is going to leak all over your shirt.”  
  
Kaneki huffed a laugh. “It’s okay. I like you way more than this shirt anyway.” He kissed the top of Hide’s head.  
  
Hide felt warm and content - comfortable in a way he hadn’t been before. Hide gripped the front of Kaneki’s shirt and in response, he held him tighter. Hide’s eyes watered just a bit, but his voice came out even, if a bit nasally because of his stuffed nose. “I knew you were growing sweet on me. My master plan worked. Be warned. You have now been claimed for cuddles and can’t escape.”  
  
“I wouldn’t even if I could.” Kaneki’s hand ran up Hide’s back, tracing idle circles through the blanket.  
  
Hide enjoyed the contact. It wasn’t long before his eyelids started to feel heavy, lulled by Kaneki’s slow and steady breathing. “Thanks for coming. It means...” There was so much Hide wanted to say. “A lot.”  
  
None of Hide’s past boyfriends looked after him like Kaneki did. They didn’t even try. They only seemed to care about what Hide could do for them. Hide was happy to finally have found someone to take care of him, but it also made his heart ache. How many times had people taken advantage of him? How many times had he let people use him? He knew what was happening. Many people throughout his life pointed out his perceptiveness, and it was something he prided himself on. And yet, over and over he let people hurt him.  
  
It made him feel lonely. And it was because he was lonely that he was letting people in - taking that chance - giving them one more time to redeem themselves - and always getting fucked over in the end. Maybe he was unlucky, or maybe he was just drawn to people he knew would hurt him.  
  
Either way, he was glad to finally find himself in Kaneki’s arms, wrapped up all safe and content. Kaneki was strong, gentle and caring. He was sweet, easy to tease and easy to please. He offered comfort when Hide needed it, and Hide knew, he would offer his support when Hide needed it too.  
  
Hide’s drift off into sleep was only interrupted when Kaneki gently untangled from Hide. Hide made a displeased noise, only earning a quiet chuckle. Kaneki maneuvered him into laying down, using Kaneki’s lap as a pillow. Hide curled his arms around Kaneki again, pressing his face against Kaneki’s hip. One of Kaneki’s hands dropped to Hide’s hair and started carding through it.  
  
“Goodnight, Hide.”  
  
With the drama playing faintly in the background, Hide slept. He woke up frequently through the night, coughing himself awake, or even worse, having to roll over to blow his leaking nose. One of the times, Kaneki offered him another pill and some more water, urging Hide to take both before going back to sleep. Hide must have, though he didn’t remember doing so. The next time he awoke was a strange buzzing noise. Cracking his eyes open, he saw Kaneki frowning with his phone pressed to his ear. Hide felt Kaneki tense around him, then carefully slip out from under Hide, placing one of the couch pillows under his head. He went to the next room over, where Hide could only hear the faint whisper of his voice. He returned a minute or so later. His tense expression softened when he saw that Hide was awake.

“I’ll be back,” Kaneki promised, his lips brushing Hide’s forehead.

Hide grumbled in response. “Take my keys.” But by the time Kaneki got back, it was hours later. And by the time Hide woke up, the circles under Kaneki’s eyes made it look like he hadn’t slept at all during the night.

~<3<3<3~

Amon Koutarou much preferred working with the TSC than the CCG. There were times in the past when he doubted the CCG as an organization and doubted the propaganda they spouted about how all ghouls were evil. His suspicions were only proven when Eyepatch revealed the truth, and his plan to him. He was glad that he was able to put his skills towards what he believed to be a good cause. He helped the TSC put away murderers. Some ghouls were good. Some ghouls were evil. Amon was sure about that. His father was one of the evil ones.

But humans could be evil too. Amon saw true evil in the depths of Kanou’s lab many years ago. An evil that was tied to the Washuu’s and in extension, the CCG. Experiments were conducted on innocent humans, condemning them to death, or a short, painfully life before death. Amon hoped he would never have to see an evil like that again.

Yet there he was, blocking another strike from a misshapen kagune, from an opponent who seemed to hardly be able to stand, yet kept attacking him in a desperate frenzy. Their eyes were dull and lifeless, struggling to follow Amon’s movements as he dodged their attacks. Their face was contorted in pain, tendrils from their kagune rising over their back and shoulders, reaching around their face. The tendrils wriggled about aimlessly, digging into the skin. The mouth. The nose. The eyes.

Amon wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. He wanted to help, but he doubted he would be able to do that either.

“Please. We’re not here to hurt you. Please let us help.” Amon’s pleading fell on deaf ears. The ghoul’s kagune writhed, seemingly out of control before it crumbled in on itself. The ghoul collapsed to the ground abruptly, blood leaking everywhere. Cautiously, Amon moved close and felt for a pulse.

There wasn’t one. He expected that, but his chest still ached.

He sighed and grabbed his radio. “Amon calling in. Encountered one... hostile. My side is now clear. Over.”

“Understood.” Akira answered him. “No hostiles on my side. But you should come see this.”

Amon made his way through the twisting halls of the facility. Hours earlier, Tsukiyama Shuu called to inform them of the first lead on the copycat Kanou experiments in weeks. They were investigating an abandoned Aogiri hideout in the thirteenth ward when they found the lower level, which was still very much in use. They updated Tsukiyama immediately, and continued their investigation while they were waiting for him to arrive.

When Amon finally arrived at Akira’s location, she was sitting at a computer, phone in hand. She was scanning the files at a rapid rate, but had one pulled up on the left side of the screen. There was a photo of a young man with dark hair and large grey eyes. He looked oddly familiar, though Amon couldn’t place where he saw him. He looked young. It bothered him how much young teenagers and barely-adults were dragged into horrors like these.

“You’re not going to believe this.” Akira said, then she muttered into the phone. “No, I was not talking to you. Thanks for your help. I’ll fill you in later.” She hung up on who Amon presumed to be Seidou, who had long ago taken up analytics and hacking rather than combat.

“Who is this?” Amon leaned on the desk trying to get a better look at the file. “Kaneki Ken?”

“ _Apparently_ , Kanou had a successful experiment. According to this, he succeeded in creating a half-ghoul.” Akira swore and turned back to the monitor, shaking her head. “I didn’t know it was possible. Even Kanou didn’t know why this operation seemed to take. But it did. And whoever these people are who are recreating these experiments now know it can be done. And if they figure out _how_ …?” Akira shook her head again. “God knows what they’ll do.”

“We need to stop them.” Amon peered over her shoulder. His eyes were transfixed on the picture of the young man smiling shyly at the camera, his hair neat and clothing slightly rumpled. There was a Kamii University logo stamped in the bottom corner – it was a student ID then? He looked every bit the part of a promising student.

Amon wondered what happened to him – after his life was upturned by Kanou. He wondered how he was coping. And what he thought about all of this.

Amon spun at the sudden sound of footsteps, but relaxed as soon as he saw one of the bright and gaudy suits Tsukiyama Shuu favoured. He was surprised to see Eyepatch trailing behind him, his one visible kakugan eye scanning the room.

“It seems the trail is no longer cold.” Tsukiyama came to hover over Amon’s shoulder. Some time ago, Amon would have been bothered to have a ghoul so close. “What have we found out so far?” He stiffened when he saw the screen. He glanced towards Eyepatch, who came over to look and also stiffened.

“Kanou had a successful experiment.” Akira stated, scrolling through some more files. “It seems they’re trying to recreate it.” She crossed her arms. “I talked with Seidou. This Kaneki Ken guy is in the TSC database, receiving synthesized meals on a regular basis. Maybe it would be a good idea to pay him a visit. Find out what he knows. He could be in danger as well, if this group decides to go after him.”

“We are aware of Kaneki Ken…” Eyepatch spoke tentatively, “and his unique circumstances.”

Amon whipped around to face him. “You _knew_ Kanou had a successful experiment.” And he told them nothing about this? Kept them in the dark?

“Four, actually.” Eyepatch pinched the bridge of his nose. “Furuta Nimura was another successful experiment of Kanou’s. We thought we destroyed all the data years ago, but we seemed to be proven more and more wrong.”

“You _knew._ ” Amon couldn’t believe it wasn’t something that was shared with them immediately after they knew new experiments were taking place.

“It was highly sensitive information, which only a few people are privy to. We wanted to keep people from trying to attempt the same experiments.”

“And that worked out wonderfully, didn’t it?” Amon frowned thunderously. “Besides, I believe we have proven ourselves plenty trustworthy over the past couple years.” Amon felt unexpectedly hurt. They could have at least filled Amon, Akira, and the rest of the original team in. Then they could have been prepared – they could have known that _this_ was a possibility – that Kanou’s horrors were far from over – even though he was dead.

Akira sighed harshly. “Yes. Well then. At least we know now. So, what do you know about Kaneki Ken?” She gestured to the screen. “And what does he know about all of this?”

Eyepatch’s eye crinkled like he was smiling. “Nothing more than I do, I assure you.”

“And as for Kaneki Ken,” Tsukiyama chipped in. “He was a victim of Kanou’s. I would advise leaving him be. He’s under our protection. If you have any questions, please pass them through us. We don’t want him to feel like he’s being interrogated.”

Amon’s brow furrowed. They wanted to keep them away from Kaneki Ken? He couldn’t help but wonder why, and what they were hiding from them?

“And as for the threat towards him?” Amon narrowed his eyes at Eyepatch, who was looking more and more uncomfortable. “Should he not be assigned a security detail?”

Eyepatch crossed his arms. “Like Tsukiyama said, he’s under our protection.”

Eyepatch met his glare head on, raising an eyebrow in challenge. Amon ground his teeth and backed down. For now. He wouldn’t be leaving the issue alone. They were meant to be partners in all of this – and if Amon couldn’t trust them… he would just have to trust his own judgement.

He would get to the bottom of it.


	6. Interlude - Amon

During his years as an investigator with the CCG, there were many terrible instances Amon bore witness to. One such instance was the moment Arima Kishou dragged Eyepatch by his hair to the CCG vans deigned to transit ghouls, dead or alive, to Cochlea, and the research faculty held within.  
  
Amon had just arrived, having passed out after his battle with Kaneki. He awoke alone, excruciating pain radiating from his mangled arm. He managed to get to his feet and make his way towards where he thought there would be help, only to find Seidou bleeding out from the stump that used to be his arm.  
  
He only had one good arm himself, but he managed to tie a tourniquet to help stop the bleeding and wrapped the wound. He dragged Seidou along with him, hoping he could find someone to help. He was weak, and disoriented from the blood loss and pain, but eventually he made it to the vans he saw in the distance. There were two lower-ranking CCG investigators securing and loading bodies into the van.  
  
That was when Amon noticed Arima, dragging a body behind him, leaving a blood trail. The body still had the gouging hole Amon made, in addition to two holes in the head, right where the eyes should be. The white hair was stained red and blood covered his face instead of a mask, but Amon recognized him immediately. It made his stomach turn to see him treated so disrespectfully. Arima dropped him to the ground with a dull thump, looking down with dispassionate eyes. Then he simply spun on his heel and left. The moment he did, and the two CCG investigators bent to collect the body, two figures dropped from a nearby roof.  
  
One of the investigators was swiftly dispatched from the ghoul Amon identified as the Gourmet, and the other was taken out by Rabbit. Gourmet crouched in front of Eyepatch. Even though it felt like Amon ears were filled with cotton, he heard the sob that tore out of his throat. Rabbit’s hands were shaking as they cupped Eyepatch’s cheeks.  
  
Seidou groaned, low and in pain, eyelids fluttering, but he didn’t awake.  
  
The two ghouls whipped around to face him. Rabbit took an aggressive stance, while the Gourmet hovered protectively over Eyepatch. Amon carefully, slowly, set Seidou to the ground and raised his hands.  
  
“I don’t -“ Amon wet his dry, cracked lips. “I won’t say anything.” His eyes were still trained on Eyepatch’s limp body, something like grief settling low in his stomach. “He spared my life once. I owe him at least this.” Eyepatch didn’t deserve to go the Cochlea and be experimented on. He deserved to be respected even in death, and among friends. Besides, it wasn’t like Amon could call for help even if he wanted to. He didn’t have his radio. The only ones that were there were on the two CCG Investigators they just knocked out. Maybe he could try to get one, but he would surely die. And even if he did succeed, then Seidou would die too.  
  
Rabbit cocked her head at him, then nodded. Gourmet lifted Eyepatch, and Amon was horrified to see him twitch in response. Good god... even in that state, he was still alive? Amon didn’t think that was possible.

Gourmet and Rabbit left quickly, not even sparing him another glance.   
  
Amon could do nothing more than drag himself and Seidou to the vans, where he grabbed a radio from one of the knocked out investigators and called in for medical assistance.  
  
~<3<3<3~  
  
It felt like many things changed after the Anteiku raid, but in reality, hardly anything changed at all. Instead, it was Amon who had changed. His wounds healed, and around him, the world carried on as it once was. Injured CCG operatives went back to work, and the same was expected of him. Even Seidou, with his amputation, decided to give up his combative role and take one in Tactics and Intelligence. Akira was the same as ever, tackling work with a passion Amon wish he could have.

He went back to work, and though even though he was technically Akira’s superior, he let her take the lead on investigations. They hunted down ghouls. Killed them, or sometimes took them to Cochlea. Amon went through the motions, but he couldn’t find the drive he used to have.

He couldn’t get rid of the thought of Eyepatch laying on the ground, mangled and treated like nothing more than an insect. Or Rabbit, who he thought was a cold-blooded killer, with her trembling hands as she cried over who must have been her friend. And the Gourmet, openly sobbing over him.

They were taught to believe ghouls were a plague to society, that they existed to hunt and kill humans. And that humans shouldn’t feel guilty for killing them. But with every ghoul he killed, he imagined Eyepatch watching him. He remembered the tears in his eyes when he begged Amon to not make him a killer.

And what was Amon, other than a killer?

Just over a year later, Amon’s suspicions were confirmed. Eyepatch _was_ alive.

The CCG captured a ghoul Amon hadn’t seen in years. The daughter ghoul was now SS rated and the member of an unknown organization with unknown goals. They couldn’t manage to get any information out of her before the formerly unknown organization GOAT raided Cochlea, managing to rescue her. Eyepatch himself dispatched Arima. The CCG mourned the loss, but Amon himself found he couldn’t.  
  
Two weeks later, a member of the Washuu family disappeared, and the very next day, Amon finally met Eyepatch again. Although, they were under circumstances he couldn’t imagine.  
  
Akira and him were hunting a B-ranked ghoul, suspecting a high school girl by the name of Yukino. She was sixteen, and in no way seemed like anything other than a regular human girl. Except she could be put at the locations of five murders of businessmen by eyewitnesses. They had been tracking her for the past couple days, and were looking to approach her on her way home from school. She lived alone, rent and necessities paid for by relatives outside of the city. No immediate family, which was suspicious in of itself.  
  
They met her on the doorstep to her apartment when she got home from her extra-curricular activities. She was on the defensive immediately, backing into the apartment behind her. The curtains were drawn, and it was dark. But Amon still managed to catch a glimpse of her kakugan activating before her kokaku shot towards him.  
  
He ducked out of the way. Akira dropped low and charged forward, suitcase in hand. She pressed the switch and her quinque came to life. The ghoul blocked it, her eyes narrowing. Amon numbly reached for the button on his suitcase, but a hand grasped his wrist from behind with an iron grip.  
  
“Hello, Amon.” Eyepatch’s voice sent chills down his spine. “I think it’s about time we had a talk.” His kagune shot towards Akira and the ghoul. But instead of attacking them, he simply forced them apart.  
  
Both of them glanced towards Eyepatch. Akira’s eyes widened, then her expression hardened.  
  
“Yukino, right?” Eyepatch said lightly. “Why don’t you go outside and wait with my associate?” He jerked his head towards the still-open door.   
  
Eyepatch hadn’t come alone. Whatever he had planned... Amon didn’t have a good feeling about. He saw Akira reaching for her radio, but he silently shook his head at her. Eyepatch said he wanted to talk. Akira didn’t bring her Fueguchi quinque and Amon certainly wasn’t equipped with his Arata armour. They were in no way prepared for a fight with him. If Eyepatch wanted to have a peaceful meeting, they wouldn’t be the ones instigating a fight.   
  
Eyepatch withdrew his kagune and stepped away from Amon as soon as Yukino left. He sighed heavily.  
  
“It’s been a long time.” His gaze trailed to the arm he mangled a year earlier. Under Amon’s shirt, his skin was a patchwork of scar tissue, both from the actual injury and from the subsequent surgeries. It worked well enough, though it often ached. “I’m glad to see you’re in good health.”  
  
Amon thought the same, especially considering how injured Eyepatch was the last time he saw him.  
  
“What do you want?” Although Eyepatch put away his kagune, Akira still brandished her quinque.  
  
“To talk.” Eyepatch held up his hands placatingly. “There’s some information you should know and... I would like your help. For us to be allies.” Except he was still standing in front of the open door, trapping them in the room.   
  
Akira stared at him like he lost his mind. “Why would we ever be allies with you? You’re a ghoul.” She tightened her grip on her quinque.

“ _Akira.”_ Amon motioned for her to stand down.   
  
Eyepatch snorted. “Actually, you’ve been working for ghouls for a while.” His voice cut through the room.  
  
“Do you think we’re stupid?” Akira sneered. But with another glance at Amon, she put away her quinque. Although, she kept a hand on her suitcase, ready to draw it again at any moment.   
  
Amon felt equal levels of disbelief. He could believe it - he didn’t want to - but Eyepatch was standing there calmly, patiently. He didn’t expect them to just believe it. Which meant he had something else - he had -  
  
“I have evidence.” Eyepatch’s voice was even. He didn’t seem like he was lying. “The Washuu family are ghouls. The Washuu that disappeared? That was our doing. We have him at a secure location. If you could, I would like you to come with me.”  
  
Akira started. “As if we would -“  
  
“I’ll come.” The words were out of Amon’s mouth before he could even think of them. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized he trusted Eyepatch. He spared Amon’s life more than once. He really didn’t think he was going to try to hurt him now. “I’ll come,” Amon repeated.  
  
Akira glanced between his and Eyepatch, disbelieving. “You have got to be kidding.” Her voice shook. “You can’t trust him!”  
  
“Yet I do.” Amon frowned. He knew it wasn’t a good plan if it turned out Eyepatch was lying. But, if Eyepatch wanted them dead, he could have done it by himself. There was no need for an elaborate scheme. “I want answers, Akira.”  
  
Akira grimaced, but after another moment of consideration, she relented. She sighed, jaw clenching. “I’m coming with you.” She turned to Eyepatch. “If this goes sideways, I’m calling in reinforcements.”  
  
Eyepatch caught Amon’s gaze and nodded. “I assure you, no harm will come to you. Please follow me.”  
  
He led them to a dark van with tinted windows, the license plates covered from their view. Akira froze just before climbing in after Amon, muttering curses and complaining about how she still didn’t think it was a good idea. He closed the door behind them, then climbed in the passenger seat, next to none other than Tsukiyama Shuu.  
  
“It’s exciting to be driving people around for a change,” he said.   
  
The Tsukiyama family were recently ousted as ghouls, forcing them and many of their staff to go into hiding. But looking at the son and heir in person for the first time, he was surprised to find he already knew him.  
  
The Gourmet.  
  
Akira didn’t recognize him. She cast him a glance, frowned, then went to staring out the window, likely trying to find out where they were going. Although, she did peek out of the corner of her eye to make sure the two ghouls in the front seats weren’t about to attack them.  
  
It was a silent and awkward twenty-minute drive. They were on the edge of an industrialized part of the city, the houses in the suburbs old and worn. There was an old warehouse they stopped in front of. Akira glanced around, trying to discreetly memorize their destination. Eyepatch lead Akira and Amon inside, then down a secret staircase hidden behind a bookshelf in an old office.

There was a man in a cell in the basement, hands chained with CCG-grade quinque handcuffs. Amon recognized them from Cochlea. He was sitting on the bed, his back against the wall. When he lifted his head, Amon confirmed it was Washuu Daichi, a member of the family who hadn’t made it high into the CCG ranks, and instead worked in tactics.

He looked relatively well, considering the situation. He didn’t have bruises, or look like he’d been hurt in any way, but he did have dark circles under his eyes. And his hair was greasy, like he hadn’t showered since he’d been locked up.

When he saw Akira and Amon, he looked resigned, and maybe a little afraid.

“Hello, Daichi.” Eyepatch crouched outside the cell. “I’ve brought two people here to see you, if you could tell them what you told us?”

“Do I have a choice?” Daichi muttered. He stared at the ground between his feet.

Eyepatch cocked his head. “As I’ve said, we won’t harm you. But I know it’s been a week since you’ve eaten. Now, we can bring down something for you to eat, and let these investigators see for themselves what you are, or you can show them yourself. Either way, they will be getting the truth, and you will be getting a meal. How this happens is your choice.” Eyepatch waited a few moments for a response. “Well?”

Daichi revealed his kakugan eyes, Akira drawing in a sharp gasp behind him. Amon felt dread settle heavy in his stomach. What Kaneki said was true. This whole time, the _entirety_ of the CCG was run by a ghoul family?

Akira swore. She spun away from the cage and gave the wall harsh kick, swearing some more when she stubbed her toe. A well aimed punch followed, punching a hole through the wall.

Amon just kept staring at the Washuu. He dedicated and risked his life for the CCG to hunt down ghouls. He thought he was doing the right thing, and he had the feeling that maybe they were wrong – that they weren’t always doing their best, but…

This world was wrong. More than Amon ever knew before. What the hell were they supposed to with that information?

“And your _plan_?” Amon hissed. He knew Eyepatch would have one. He hadn’t formed GOAT for no reason, and he had a reason for revealing the truth to them as well.

Eyepatch cocked his head. “We intend to dethrone the Washuu’s, and reform the CCG. The second part, we would need your help for. If you’re interested in creating a better world, we can discuss logistics.”

“You can’t expect us to reform the CCG on our own,” Akira cut in. Her eyes were glued on Daichi, jaw clenched. “We’d have to bring more people into the loop.”

“And I trust you will know who is reliable.” Eyepatch said. “And I believe you already have some people in mind, correct?”

Amon and Akira shared a glance. They both nodded. “Seidou,” Akira said. “And Suzuya.”

“Marude.” Amon added. “To start off with anyway.”

They gathered their people. Seidou thought they were joking at first, but after a couple days of disbelief, followed by a few weeks of reluctant acceptance, he decided to help them. During that time, they also recruited Suzuya, who was happy to go along with whatever plot they had so long as he could fight. And then there was Marude, who didn’t need much convincing at all. He already noticed discrepancies with the RC detectors, and how they would give false negatives to members of the Washuu family. He was thinking about acting on his suspicions when Akira approached him with their information.

With the later assistance from the former Arima squad, they managed to take down the head of the CCG, who was only replaced by Washuu Kichimura, a man who seemingly did not care for his subordinates. His rule was short lived. After the arrest and subsequent escape of the author Takatsuki Sen, his mutilated body and attached kagune was left on the doorstep to one of GOAT’s bases. With that proof, it was easy to gain support to arrest the rest of the Washuu’s, take testimonials from those who grew up in the ‘Garden’, and reveal the truth to the public.

It was the start to what Amon could only hope was a better world.


	7. An Uncomfortable Conversation

Takatsuki Sen lived on the third floor of a small apartment complex. It was a different apartment than the one the CCG raided when she was captured. It was slightly larger, having a balcony with potted plants, which also invaded the living room, the small ledges not having enough space for her growing collection. Much like Kaneki expected, the walls were lined with books, similar to his own apartment.

She was lounging on her small couch in dark blue silk pajamas, laptop opened on the coffee table. She drank from her coffee mug, not bothering offering Kaneki any, even though there was a full pot brewing in the kitchen.

Kaneki would’ve rather be anywhere but there, but while Ayato used to be a high-ranking Aogiri executive, he didn’t know all of their hideouts. And there was only one person that did. If there was anyone who knew of the hidden locations where Dr. Kanou conducted his experiments, it was Eto.

“I have reasons to believe you aren’t here to pay me a social visit, Ken.” Eto smiled knowingly. “What a shame.”

“I want information.” It felt like Kaneki was walking into a predator’s den. He forced his shoulders back and down, keeping his expression relaxed.

Eto sucked her teeth. “And I do hope you have something to offer in return?” Her eyes sharpened as she regarded Kaneki.

Kaneki met her gaze head on. It was best for both to remember they were on relatively equal footing. If they were to fight – Kaneki honestly couldn’t expect what the outcome could be. “I want to know all the locations of Kanou’s hideouts – no matter how trivial. What do you want in return? What _more_ do you want from me?”

Kaneki didn’t know what else he could offer her. He’d already unwillingly given her so much – when she decided with Arima to mould him into the one-eyed king. She guided him along like a puppet on a string.

“Are you saying that _I_ owe you?” Eto tapped his fingers against the table, her teeth slightly bared. “Do you not agree that the world is better now?”

Kaneki couldn’t argue. The world was better now – and getting better still. “Yet you forced sacrifices on me – you took my entire life as I knew it.”

Eto put her coffee on the table and settled back onto the couch, crossing her legs. She smiled slowly. “But – if you were able to do it all again – if you were given a choice?” She held out one hand. “This path?” She held out her other. “Or the one you were on before you became a ghoul? Which would you choose?”

Kaneki knew the answer. And based on Eto’s smirk, so did she. Kaneki shook his head and frowned. “Irrelevant, considering you _never_ gave me a choice in the first place.”

Eto rolled her eyes. “Very well – I won’t _require_ anything in return for this information – though I will ask a small favour.” She held up a finger. “Your next visit. Do make it a social one.”

Kaneki really didn’t think that was all there was to it – with Eto, there was always an ulterior motive. She wanted something from him, and he wasn’t going to agree until he had some idea what that was.

He raised his eyebrows. “Really? A social visit?”

She waved a hand. “Yes. A social visit. You come by. Tell me how things are going – in your life. At work. That way I don’t need to go through the trouble of having my spies report back to me – useless, the lot of them these days. Not even good enough to eat.”

“You’ve been spying on me?” Kaneki glared at her. Was that who had been following him for the past couple months?

“Rather unsuccessfully I will admit.” Eto grimaced. She waved a hand at Kaneki’s pinched expression. “I need to make sure the heroic one-eyed king isn’t shirking his duties – the duties he has to all ghouls – to make sure the world we’re creating is one where ghouls aren’t persecuted for existing.”

“I wouldn’t let that happen.”

“Then you should have no issue dropping by next month and filing me in on our next steps for cohabitation.” Eto twirled a finger. “I could be… an advisor of sorts. I do have many connections in the ghoul underground. Many unique insights.” Eto grinned. “Well, what do you say?”

“Deal.” Kaneki hoped he wouldn’t regret it. By extending a line of contact with her, he would only be giving her more opportunities to control his actions. “What do you know about the hideouts?”

“I have a list.” She reached for a manilla folder under the couch. She waved it in his direction. “This has all the locations and all the information you should need.”

Kaneki took it, opening it to see the neatly printed lines detailing the locations of Kanou’s hideouts, when he used them, and for what purpose. He glanced up in surprise.

“I heard Ayato was digging around. It was only a matter of time before you came to me yourself.” Eto picked her laptop off the table and started typing away. “I’ll message you a few dates and times that you can drop by.”

Kaneki didn’t even bother asking how she knew his phone number. He turned to head out the door.

“Oh, Kaneki. A little extra tidbit of information – on the house.” Kaneki glanced back, but Eto didn’t look up from her laptop. “My spies weren’t the only ones following you.”

~<3<3<3~

Kaneki stomach hadn’t stopped turning all night. By the time he woke up in the morning, he only got two hours of sleep, and only managed another two when he got home from university. He was heading to Hide’s apartment that afternoon for a movie night, where he was promised plenty of blankets and cuddles.

But instead of being excited about curling around Hide and kissing him until he was out of breath, he was stressed out of his mind. There was an organization of people who were trying to copy Kanou’s experiments. _And_ Kaneki knew he had been watched by an unknown someone or _someones_ periodically over the past few weeks.

Was Hide in danger being with him?

While Kaneki walked to Hide’s place, there was no one watching him. But still, the hairs on the back of his neck prickled. Both Touka and Tsukiyama found _nothing_. No proof he was being followed. But he _knew_. Eto confirmed it.

He knocked on Hide’s door and was greeted with open arms, loosening the knot in his chest a little. Hide always had a comforting presence. Instead of hugging Hide, he held out the chocolate cake he picked up from a bakery, tips of icing decorated with cherries on top. Hide’s expression brightened even more (if that was even possible). Hide brought the cake up to eye level, eyes sparkling.

“Oh my god. It’s so pretty. I have the best boyfriend ever!” He hurried over to the kitchen, putting the cake on the counter.

He smiled to himself and took his coat off as Hide hurried about in the kitchen, trying to simultaneously brew some coffee and pop some popcorn.

“Okay, I know I said we were going to watch movies, but there’s this _really_ good show that I just bought and it’s kind of creepy and horror-filled, so I think you’ll like it! Is that okay?” Hide was carrying a bowl of popcorn for himself and a large mug of coffee for Kaneki in the other.

“It’s okay.” It wasn’t really about what they were watching anyway.

He set the popcorn and coffee down on the table in front of the couch, then hurried to the kitchen to get himself a few cans of exceedingly sugary pop.

“Sit, sit, sit.” Hide grabbed Kaneki by elbow and pulled him over. “Make yourself at home.”

Kaneki sat on the couch right beside Hide, huffing softly as Hide pulled the blankets around them. Hide turned on the show, then leaned back, curling his arms around one of Kaneki’s.

Kaneki was sure neither of them were really watching the opening of the show. Kaneki was too busy trying get his heart to calm, distracted by Hide’s warm presence at his side. Sure, they had hugged before. Kissed. Held each other. They’d even been in this exact position on this exact couch, Hide sick and curled around him. But this was different. With the blankets wrapped around them, in a dark room, with the only illumination being the television? It felt like they were in their own world. It definitely didn’t help that Hide was feeling up the muscles in Kaneki’s arm.

He flexed and cocked an eyebrow at Hide, who smiled unabashedly. Kaneki flushed in response, glancing away.

“Awe, come on. Don’t be shy.” Hide squeezed his arm. “Flex for me some more.”

“Oh my god.” Kaneki buried his face in the blankets. He shook his head, smiling as Hide reached down and held his hand.

Hide pulled the blankets away from his face, kissing him softly. Kaneki leaned towards Hide, fisting a hand in his t-shirt. Hide pushed back, deepening the kiss and placing a hand on Kaneki’s chest.

Before Kaneki knew it, he was lying on his back with Hide on top of him. Hide tangled their legs together, running his hands over Kaneki’s chest as he ran his tongue along Kaneki’s bottom lip. Kaneki opened his mouth, curious and eager. Hide tasted like honey and mint. Kaneki couldn’t get enough of him. Kaneki curled his arms around Hide and pulled him closer.

Hide nipped his lips, and Kaneki couldn’t help but gasp. Hide’s hands trailed down, down, down, then slipped under his shirt. Hide hummed with appreciation as he felt the ridges of Kaneki’s abs. He scrapped his nails against them, then continued his way up, pushing Kaneki’s shirt up.

“Oh _god_.” Kaneki gasped. He wanted nothing more than to let Hide continue. To lose himself to Hide’s touch and his lips against his. But was it fair to Hide? He didn’t know a whole lot about Kaneki, or that there could be people after him. Before they went any further –

“Too far, too soon?” Hide pulled back the moment Kaneki paused and stopped reciprocating.

Kaneki laughed nervously, pushing up on his elbows. Hide sat back, still practically on his lap, which didn’t exactly let him form coherent thoughts. Kaneki scooted out from under Hide, doing away with the blankets since it was starting to feel too hot for them.

“I – I guess.” Kaneki pulled his shirt back down, feeling entirely too flustered to be having this conversation. “It’s not you. It’s – there’s some stuff. We should probably talk about. About me.”

“Hey.” Hide settled beside him, wrapping an arm around his waist. “It’s okay. Let’s talk then.” He reached for the remote and muted the television, focusing his attention on Kaneki.

He didn’t really know what to start, or exactly what to share. He didn’t know how to keep the rest of it from spilling out when he started talking. He tried to start numerous times, but always seemed to choke on the words trying to come out. He looked helplessly to Hide, who gave him a reassuring squeeze.

“Okay. Let’s start small. I’ve talked a _lot_ about myself the past few weeks.” Kaneki couldn’t help but smile in response because _yes_ , he most certainly did. “For instance, you know that when I was fifteen, I had this unhealthy obsession with anything Hello Kitty, and when I was eight, I was a chronic nose-picker with chronic nosebleeds.”

“I also know that you broke your arm when you were ten, and hated getting rid of the cast because you loved all the signatures. And that when you were a teenager, you got so engrossed in music by the Backstreet Boys that you started to study English, and discovered your interest in International Studies.”

“What you don’t know about me…” Hide’s expression fell, but he still smiled, albeit sadly. “I lost my parents when I was ten.” Kaneki glanced over at him sharply. “They were ghoul investigators. I’m still kind of coming to terms with the types of things they did.”

“Hide…” Kaneki wrapped his up in his arms. He ran his fingers through Hide’s hair, letting Hide rest his head against his shoulder.

“Thanks.” Hide patted his shoulder. “But this is about you. Your time to share.”

Kaneki swallowed thickly. “Well…” He supposed… “I’m a member of the TSC.”

“Well, that explains why you’re always running about after getting phone calls.” Hide didn’t sound surprised. It gave Kaneki some confidence to continue.

“I’m… there’s people who might come after me. I’ve been followed lately, and I’m worried they might come after the people I’m close to. Like you.” Kaneki shifted uncomfortably. “I just…”

“Whoa, whoa. We’ve been followed?”

“A couple of times. There’re a few people looking into it… And believe me, I wouldn’t let _anything_ happen to you, but…”

“There’s always a risk, huh?” Hide ran a hand up and down Kaneki’s back. “Do you know why they’re following you?”

“We have some ideas. We’re looking into it.” Kaneki sighed and let his eyes close when Hide started massaging a tense muscle in his shoulder. “But even if we resolve it. Find the people responsible. This could always happen again. If you stay with me… there could always be something else, someone else. I have enemies. For now… I was thinking – wondering – hoping.” Kaneki sighed, glancing up at Hide’s open expression. “I – I think it would be best to assign you a security detail. Someone to at least make sure you get to university and back okay. It’s temporary – just for the time being – until we can find out more information and put an end to this. We would need your schedule – so your security could follow you easier.” He peeked up again, worried at what Hide’s expression would be. He worried what he would think of this – he wondered if he would refuse.

“Okay.”

Kaneki exhaled shakily. “Okay?”

“Kaneki, I grew up having ghoul investigators as parents. I know how it is. It’s nothing new to me.” Hide grinned. “It’s not going to scare me off, if that’s what you’re worried about. Now, is there anything else I should know about?”

“I mean. I’m kind of…” How exactly did he even begin tell his new boyfriend the amounts of trauma he went through? About how, even now, it came and made itself known in various ways. “There’s been some things that happened in my past that were kind of fucked up. That left me kind of fucked up.” He felt like crying.

Hide cupped Kaneki’s cheeks with his palms. “Kaneki.” He wiped the tears that were starting to gather in his eyes. “I _want_ to be with you. I _like_ you. A lot. I want to make this relationship work. And you don’t have to explain what’s happened to you if you’re not comfortable. I’ll be there for you in any way I can, okay? And you’d do the same for me, right?”

Kaneki nodded. He sunk into the embrace Hide offered. Hide ran his fingers through his hair, nails scratching lightly against his scalp. He felt tingles go all the way down to his toes. He felt incredibly cherished.

He curled up against Hide and let his eyes close. Hide pulled the blankets around them again. “You can stay here for the night if you want. We could share the bed, or if you’re not comfortable, I’ll take the couch.”

Kaneki shook his head. He didn’t want to fall asleep there and chance having a nightmare. Despite how understanding and caring Hide was, Kaneki didn’t want him to know he had them – not yet. “Coffee,” he grumbled, too comfortable to move.

Hide laughed, but grabbed the mug for him and passed it into his awaiting hands. “Do you want me to turn the show up again?”

At Kaneki’s mumbled ‘yes’, he turned the volume up and grabbed his popcorn, happily munching away as characters moved about and talked onscreen. They watched for an hour or so before Hide finished his popcorn and got up to get himself a slice of cake – and Kaneki a coffee refill.

Another hour and Kaneki was very much in danger of actually falling asleep, so he sadly had to call it a night. He wished he could curl up in Hide’s embrace forever, as embarrassing as it was to admit. He stayed for a few long minutes at the entrance to Hide apartment, tangled up with him. Neither of them wanted their goodbye kiss to end.


	8. A New Friend

Hide groaned, head deliciously foggy as Kaneki’s tongue traced a line up his neck. He grasped at Kaneki’s hair with one hand, his other fisted around the hem of Kaneki’s shirt. Kaneki found a spot that Hide really liked, continuing to suck and nibble the skin. With a groan, Hide trailed his hand under Kaneki’s shirt, feeling his back muscles ripple as he moved over Hide – kissing down, down, down, until both of Hide’s hands were buried in his hair and – wait. When did his clothes go missing?

Well, he supposed it wasn’t important when Kaneki was kissing his stomach, gazing up at Hide with kakugan eyes that he found a lot more attractive than he probably should have.

“I love you,” he whispered, then put his lips on Hide again. Hide arched his back, moaning. Pleasure was building, and Kaneki’s lips were getting closer and closer to where Hide really, _really_ wanted them to be. He pulled on Kaneki’s hair lightly, rewarded with a low chuckle.

“Yes – please, please, please.”

Kaneki’s lips closed around him and –

Hide woke up with sunlight in his eyes. And a raging boner.

“Fuck.” Hide sat up in bed, rubbing a hand over his face. Sunlight streamed through his window, hitting him in the eyes. He turned his head away, sliding his hand down – hoping to deal with his problem before he went and made himself breakfast. He wished he could just let himself fall back into the dream, but the best he could do was let it replay in his mind and imagine how it could have continued. He lazily eyed his bedside table, and on it, his clock.

Double fuck.

He forgot to set him alarm and his first morning class was starting – well, _now_. He threw his blankets off, almost getting tangled in them. He kicked them away in annoyance and scrambled to find some clean clothes. He pulled on a pair of jeans to find his problem had very, very obviously not gone away, despite his panic.

“Oh my god, could you work with me here?” The last thing he wanted to do was look like a weirdo running down the street sporting a major hard-on.

He hurried to pack his bag, his laptop thankfully fully charged – at least he remembered to do that. By the time he was pulling on a sweater, his cock finally got with the program and went thankfully flaccid. He hurried out the door, cursed, then paused to tie his shoelaces after almost falling down the stairs. He ran through the streets, only pausing at crosswalks so he wouldn’t be hit by a car.

Hide first noticed her halfway to the university campus. She was following roughly ten paces behind him, steps light on the concrete. He kept an eye on her reflection in the passing shop windows, her eyes firmly trained on his back. He quickened his pace, she matched it.  
  
Hide guessed whoever was following him was about to make their move. He got onto the campus, hurrying into a large throng of students gathered around one of the on-campus restaurants. After his years of study, Hide knew the campus inside and out. He knew there was a back exit where deliveries were received and the employee went out to smoke. He ducked into the restaurant, earning a few odd looks for the employees as he confidently strode into an “employees only” section. A few twists and turns down narrow halls led him to the door. He scurried out, glancing around.  
  
He hoped he lost his tail, but he couldn’t be sure. Even though it was a back exit, there were plenty of students about, taking shortcuts to get to their classes quicker. So long as there were people to be witnesses, he was less likely to be in grave danger. Nonetheless, his heart pounded. He was only human and he had no weapon that could defend him against a ghoul - if that was who was following him.  
  
He hurried through campus, cursing his love of bright and unique clothes that made him stand out. He joined another group of students, hoping he could hide among them. He pulled off his sweater and shoved it in his backpack, leaving him in a green t-shift. His hair was still distinctive, but he would do anything to help.  
  
He pulled out his phone and dialled Kaneki, his heart sinking when the phone rang a few times with no answer.  
  
“Come on.” Hide muttered. “Pick up.”  
  
“Hello?”  
  
The relief Hide felt was imminent. “Kaneki! Someone’s following me on campus.” Hide swallowed, trying to keep his voice from shaking. The adrenaline was still running through him, making his breath come quick and his legs shake.  
  
“Where are you now?” There was some clattering on the other line, Kaneki’s voice clearly worried. “Shit. Shit. I’m across town, but I’ll send someone to get there before I do. I won’t let anything happen to you, okay?”  
  
“I’m outside the back of the University cafe. But I might have to move.” The students he was using to Hide could leave at any time.  
  
“Okay. I sent a friend a message, they should be heading towards you.” There was a pause. “Oh. Ummm... can you describe the person following you?”  
  
Hide’s brow furrowed. “A young woman. Dark hair? Covering one eye. Dark blue jacket.”  
  
There was a short laugh. “Thank god.” Kaneki sighed softly. “You just shook your security detail. Sorry, it’s my fault. I wanted to let you know who she was, but she wanted to remain anonymous.” Kaneki sighed again. “Sorry, really. I should have guessed that’s what happened right away - but I was worried, and I wasn’t thinking.”  
  
Hide grumbled. “She scared the shit outta me.”  
  
“Sorry. Again. You’re okay now?”  
  
“Yeah. You can let her know I’m heading into the cafe to get a coffee, okay?” Hide’s hands still trembled slightly. Coffee wouldn’t really help, but he could really use some comfort food - and he knew he would be hungry as soon as the adrenaline wore off - he was not about to sit through a full morning of classes without something to eat.  
  
The line was thankfully small, since it was the middle of period of classes, so he didn’t have to wait long to get his coffees and his sweet bun filled with bean paste.  
  
He stepped out the front of the shop, scanning the area until he spotted a familiar figure. He lifted one of his two coffee cups in greeting, then headed over to where the woman was glaring at him.  
  
She scoffed as he held out the coffee to her, but she took it anyway. She took a long sip, adjusting the bag on her shoulder.  
  
“Can’t believe you made me miss my morning class. Asshole.”  
  
Hide rubbed the back of his head. “Sorry?”  
  
“Maybe try to leave home on time tomorrow.” She looked down at Hide’s coffee, lip curling in disgust. “Are you really going to drink that? It’s mostly whipping cream.”  
  
“Yep.” Hide started walking, smiling slightly when she fell into step with him. His second class for the day was starting soon, so he headed in that direction. He absently sipped his coffee - just for something to do. The silence was killing him.  
  
“So...” He began.  
  
“No.”  
  
“...what?”  
  
“We’re not going to do the whole introduction thing. The only thing you need to know about me, is the fact that I don’t like you.” She glared at him. “The only reason I’m here is because Kaneki asked me to be.”  
  
“Is this the part where you threaten me with death if I ever hurt him?” Hide asked dryly.  
  
“Good to see we’re on the same page.”  
  
She left once Hide was waiting outside his classroom. Hide sat in class, mind wandering as he tried to take notes. About halfway through, he opened up his sweet bun and started munching on it quietly.  
  
The young woman who was guarding him was Kaneki’s friend - and she really didn’t like Hide. She wasn’t lying about that. But since she was Kaneki’s friend, Hide really wanted her to like him. It was important that Kaneki’s important people liked him. He wasn’t sure why his friend didn’t like him, but he would figure it out. That was the first step. Next was actually making her like him.  
  
When he switched classes throughout the day, he would occasionally notice her about - checking in to make sure he wasn’t kidnapped or killed. It was only at the end of Hide’s last class just past two in the afternoon that she approached him again.  
  
“Let’s get you home. I’ve got some work to do in the library, so chop chop.”  
  
Well, Hide did have his laptop on him. “I could actually use the time to look for some scholarly articles for an essay in my sociology course. Why don’t we head there together?”  
  
She glared at him, but all he did was arch an eyebrow.  
  
“Fine. Just don’t bother me.”  
  
They got some more coffee on the way and found a quiet corner on one of the upper floors to sit. She put on some headphones, determined to ignore everything except the screen in front of her.  
  
Well, fine. Silences were only awkward if you made them out to be.

They were working for about half an hour when she started making faces and cursing under her breath. Hide ignored it for some time, but eventually looked at her, eyebrows raised. “What is it?”

She wrinkled her nose at him. “I’m writing a research paper. Most of the information is from America, and it’s untranslated. I can’t find enough sources in Japanese.”

Oh, it was Hide’s time to shine. “You know, I am bilingual. Well – trilingual.” Hide grinned at her stunned expression. He made a grabby motion. “What’re you writing the essay on?”

“Theories of Ghoul Evolution.” She spun her computer around. She cocked her head as Hide scanned the summary and introduction. “Well?”

“I could translate some of these for you if you want. I am certified to do so.” Hide translated a lot of documents like this in the past for the CCG, though they were a lot more experimental than theoretical. “Here’s my email. You can send the articles to me. Is it alright if I work on it this weekend?”

She copied down his email, befuddled. “ _Why_?”

She was Kaneki’s friend. “I wanted to, that’s all. Besides, this stuff is interesting and unfortunately ill-researched.”

She hummed. She pulled her laptop back to her, but her eyes were on Hide more than anything else. Hide pretended to ignore her and went back to his own essay. Eventually, she plain stopped working and closed her laptop, folding her arms over it. She stared at Hide hard.

“Yes?”

“My name’s Touka.” She frowned. “My laptop is about to die and I forgot my charger at home.” She packed her things and stood. “You coming? I at least owe you coffee or food.”

Hide hastily followed packed up, as she was already walking away. He followed her out of the library, then down the busy streets until they reached a small apartment. Touka didn’t say anything as they headed up the steps, but she at least held the door open for him.

The living room was lined with bookshelves, the kitchen neat and tidy. Touka placed her bag on the kitchen table and opened the fridge. “I don’t know about you, but I’m starved.”

That was almost a threat. Hide felt a chill automatically go down his spine and had to remind himself that Touka was Kaneki friend – and that she was _guarding_ him. So, she wouldn’t eat him. Probably.

Hopefully.

She pulled out what looked like a stew from the fridge. Hide tilted his head. “You still keep human food in your home?” Maybe she had a human roommate or something?

“My friend made it for me, so you better appreciate it.” She dished some out in a bowl and shoved it in the microwave. She went back to the fridge and pulled out a couple strips of dried meat. She turned to face Hide, kakugan active as she chewed, staring him down.

Hide thought he was beginning to understand what was going on. Touka was testing him. Well, Hide supposed it was a step up from ignoring him.

Hide eyed the strip of meat. “Is that one of the synthetic products from the TSC?”

She made a face at his light tone. “Yeah, the real thing always tastes better though.”

“Better now than how they used to be, I heard?” When the CCG fed the ghouls in Cochlea, they didn’t care much how their concoction looked or tasted – only that it kept the ghouls alive and sane enough to answer their questions. But with the rise of the TSC, more effort was put into making the meals enjoyable – and a legitimate substitute to human meat. There were numerous teams of both humans and ghouls who worked on that specifically.

“Oh god, don’t remind me. That shit made me gag.” She shook her head. “I wanted to smack Kaneki for making me try it. It was almost as bad as human food.”

“What have they have nowadays?” Kaneki never ate around Hide, so he didn’t know what types of meals the TSC were putting out – or how good they were.

Touka hummed. “They recently came out with this rice alternative – it looks pretty real. Kaneki swears by it, but I think its too mushy.” She gestured to the last strip of meat she was eating. “The people jerky is my favourite.”

Hide thought he misheard at first. “People jerky.”

Touka’s lips twitched, her expression smug. “I only call it that because Kaneki _hates_ it.”

Hide stored that information away for later. He opened up his laptop, intent to pick up where he left off, but that all went down the gutter when Touka shoved the bowl of stew in front of him and he took the first bite.

“Good god,” Hide moaned. “Is your friend a chef or something?”

“She wants to be.” Touka spoke tentatively. “She works in a bakery and is studying culinary right now. What does it taste like?” She longed to take a bit and be able to taste it. Hide couldn’t imagine what it was like to be a ghoul – to see all this amazing human food and never be able to taste or appreciate it.

“The vegetables are cooked really nice. They’re still crisp and not too soft. And the meat is soft and only a little chewy. It’s got a lot of spices, so its flavourful. Its salty, but still has a little bit of sweetness to it. It’s spicy too. Just enough to hurt a little.” Hide personally loved spicy dishes, so this was nothing for him.

“I’ll let her know how good it was.” And that? That was a smile.

Hide dug in, enjoying his meal as Touka plugged in her laptop and brewed some coffee. Hide noticed she did it almost exactly like Kaneki did. After a few minutes, they were settled across from each other, working again, though the atmosphere was a lot more peaceful than it was in the library.

Hide was just finished eating when he heard a key turn in the lock on the door. He was surprised to see Kaneki walk in. Kaneki froze in the doorway, looking towards them with confusion.

“Welcome back.” Touka didn’t even glance up from her laptop.

Hide stood up and went to him. Kaneki’s arms automatically circled his waist when Hide pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek. “Touka’s laptop died at the library, so we came here.” Hide glanced around the apartment with a new appreciation. “You live here?”

“We’re roommates,” Touka helpfully supplied from the table.

Kaneki glanced between them. “You’re… getting along?”

“He’s alright.” Touka muttered. “A little annoying though.”

“It’s part of my charm.” Hide gave Kaneki a hug. “How was your day?”

“Busy.” Kaneki looked tired, but happy. Hide had been seeing less of him lately. “We got a lead on a case, but it just seems to be going in circles.”

Hide frowned, tracing Kaneki’s cheek. He leaned in for a kiss and –

“Uh. While I don’t envy you, if you’re gonna get all mushy, do it somewhere else.”

Kaneki laughed. “Okay, okay.” He gave Hide a quick kiss. “Give me a minute to get a change of clothes and we’ll head to your place?”

“Sounds good.”

Kaneki was all smiles as he went to get his things. Hide went to wash his dishes, but Touka waved him off. “Go make him happy. Away from me.”

Hide grinned. He wanted to tease her, but Kaneki was back and ready to go. He wrapped an arm around Hide again, prompting Touka to roll her eyes. Hide was more than happy to lean into the embrace. He grabbed his things and they were off, Kaneki’s hand wrapped tightly around his. 


	9. An Unfortunate Interruption

“So far, we’ve checked 58 of the 116 locations.” Kaneki sagged a little against Hide. “And still nothing.”

Hide patted his hip as he unlocked his door.

“There’ll be something.” Hide didn’t know what they were searching for, or why… but he had faith in Kaneki, and the people he worked with.

“I can only hope.” Kaneki turned his face against Hide’s neck, lightly sucking the skin. “I don’t want to think about it now. Not when I’m finally here with you.” Another kiss. “I missed you.”

Hide met his lips, moaning when Kaneki immediately deepened the kiss. Kaneki’s arms tightened around him, locking him close to his chest as he backed Hide up to the door. Hide was delightfully trapped between the hard wood and Kaneki’s warm body.

Hide nipped Kaneki’s lip and cracked his eyes open to watch Kaneki’s expression as he slid his hands down his back. Kaneki’s breath hitched when Hide squeezed his ass, his hips cantering forward.

Kaneki groaned his name, tentatively grinding their hips together. When Hide reciprocated, he grinded against him harder, breaking their kiss to breathe heavily and curse. Hide took the opportunity to nibble Kaneki’s neck, making him gasp.

“Hide… do you want to…?” His hands slid to Hide’s hips, one dipping in front. Hide gasped as Kaneki palmed his length through his pants.

“Oh. Oh fuck.” Hide’s hands shot up to grab Kaneki’s shoulders. His legs shook and his back arched as Kaneki kept rubbing him.

“Well?” Kaneki’s breath was hot on his neck.

“Yes, yes. Oh fuck yes.”

Kaneki’s hands slid down Hide’s thighs and lifted him. Hide ran his hands over Kaneki’s arms with appreciation. Kaneki carried him with hurried steps to the bedroom. He opened the door with his foot.

Hide’s eyes snapped open, suddenly remembering the mess he made on his way out in the morning, but Kaneki didn’t seem to be looking anywhere else but at him. Kaneki kissed him again, and Hide’s protest died on his lips.

Kaneki dumped him on the bed, crawling over him. He rolled his hips against Hide’s. Hide groaned and clutched the pillow under his head, Kaneki’s face tucked against his neck as he bit and sucked the skin, leaving dark purple and red marks in his wake. Hide released his hold on the pillow with his hands in favour of twisting them in Kaneki’s hair, eliciting a low groan from him.

How many times had he dreamed of this? God, this definitely made up for his failed attempt to jerk off earlier that morning.

He trailed his hands down Kaneki’s back, feeling the coiled muscles under the thin material. He tugged at the hem, in a clear ‘get this off’ motion. Kaneki kissed him on the lips again, then slowly pulled back. Hide licked his lips as Kaneki lifted his shirt over his head and unceremoniously tossed it across the room, hitting the wall with a dull thump.

“Oh god.” Feeling the muscles was one thing, but seeing them was entirely different. Hide lightly ran his fingers up Kaneki’s side, watching as they contract. He was surprised when Kaneki caught his hand and shied away from the touch.

“Uh –“ Kaneki began.

“Ticklish?” Hide grinned. He itched to test his theory, but Kaneki’s hold on his wrist was ironclad. Hide tried to sneak his other hand forward, but Kaneki caught it as well. He pinned them over his head.

Kaneki raised his eyebrows. “Is that really what’s on your mind right now?” He flexed his thighs and ground down on him, making Hide throw his head back with a low groan.

“I’m ah –“ Hide shuddered. “Capable of multiple trains of thoughts.”

“Well – I only want you to think of one thing right now.” Kaneki released his hands, and thankfully he could _touch_ him again, sure to keep his grip firm and not too teasing. Kaneki kissed his marked-up neck a couple more times.

Then he lowered his hands to the bottom of Hide’s shirt and began lifting it. Hide’s breath caught in his throat. He could hardly compare to Kaneki’s physique. Hide had never been worried about taking his shirt off before, but _god_ , how could he compare to _that_?

“Okay?” Kaneki stopped lifting when he got to Hide’s navel, no doubt noticing his pinched expression.

“Yeah.” Hide sighed, feeling silly. Here Kaneki was sitting in his lap, cheeks flushing and eyes bright. Hide _wanted_ this, _wanted_ Kaneki so bad it hurt. And here he was pressing pause because he was worried about Kaneki seeing him without his shirt. “Just feeling a little self-conscious, I guess.”

Kaneki’s expression softened. He cupped Hide’s cheek. “Don’t be. I want to see you. I want to touch every part of you.” He leaned in, kissing Hide on the lips before moving to his jaw and nipping it lightly. “Kiss every part of you.” His breath tickled Hide’s ear. “Lick.” He tugged on it with his teeth. _“Suck.”_

“ _Oh fuck_.” Hide really couldn’t get rid of his shirt fast enough.

Kaneki moved out of the way to avoid any stray elbows. When Hide finally managed to get his shirt over his head – because he almost managed to strangle himself with it in his haste – he saw Kaneki was beet-red.

“Embarrassed to say all that, huh?” For how confident Kaneki was acting, he was probably feeling a little self-conscious too.

Kaneki’s lips twitched. He glanced away. “You going to make me say more embarrassing things?”

“Maybe later.” Hide grinned and pulled Kaneki down so he could kiss him again.

Slowly, Kaneki started making his way down Hide’s chest, giving it the same attention he gave his neck. Hide writhed under him, breathing hard. He buried his fingers in Kaneki’s hair, thinking of his earlier dream. Kaneki got to Hide’s stomach, tongue dipping into his belly-button before he moved lower. He fumbled momentarily with Hide’s pants, but finally – _finally_ started to push them down Hide’s hips. Hide lifted his hips to help, and chuckled when Kaneki struggled to get them off while sitting on him. He moved off Hide momentarily with a frown, Hide shimmying to help get the pants the rest of the way off, leaving him in his boxers. Then Kaneki was lying between his legs, breath warm against Hide’s stomach when he glanced up at him. His fingers hooked the waistband and –

Kaneki’s phone rang.

Kaneki froze in his actions, then pulled back with a curse.

“Nooooo.” Hide groaned and made grabby-hands as Kaneki pulled away from him.

“Sorry. I have to answer.” Kaneki patted his hip, then got off him. He reached for his phone on the nightstand, pausing to kiss Hide’s forehead before answering.

He moved out of the bedroom, but Hide could still hear his voice faintly through the door. Kaneki didn’t sound to pleased, but he heard him agreeing with whoever was on the phone.

A sigh. _“I’ll be right there._ ”

Kaneki came back in the room with an apologetic expression.

“TSC needs you?” Hide asked, trying not to sound too disappointed. Kaneki told him about his work with them, not that Hide hadn’t already figured it out. Kaneki always carried a satchel or duffle bag with a change of clothes. He was sure he kept his mask in there too, though Hide had yet to see it. And he would often get calls he would have to hurry away to deal with. Plus there was the vague way he spoke about his job, the injuries he would hide from Hide, and his constant vigilance when dealing with all matters related to ghouls.

Kaneki’s shoulders sagged. “There’s an emergency. I need to go now. I’ll come right back and make it up to you, I promise.” He leaned down and kissed Hide’s forehead. Then he bent to gather his shirt from the ground.

“Stay safe.” Hide said, unsure if Kaneki heard him as he rushed away, grabbing his bag. A moment later, Hide heard the front door of his apartment click shut.

Hide sighed. He hoped Kaneki would be okay. Every time he left in a hurry, Hide worried for him. Working for the TSC was dangerous, and Hide had no doubts that he had been injured dealing with other ghouls before.

Hide sat up, ignoring the deflating tent in his boxers. Annoyed, he threw his legs off the bed, then went to the kitchen, deciding to make some coffee. He would wait up for Kaneki. He didn’t think he would be able to sleep without knowing if he was okay anyway.

After his coffee was done, he settled on the couch, snagging the throw blanket off the back of it. He wrapped himself up in it, and turned on the television to distract his thoughts, though he could hardly focus on whatever drama they were playing.

He sat, and he waited.

~<3<3<3~

Kaneki grabbed his mask out of his duffle bag before he went to meet with Akira and Amon. Despite his disappointment at leaving Hide hanging, he hoped when he received the call that it was in regard to one of the old Aogiri locations Eto tipped them off on.  
  
Instead, it was entirely unrelated, but no less urgent. Akira and Amon were checking a location in the twelfth ward. A citizen reported being attacked by a ghoul child on their way home from work. Akira and Amon found her - a little girl no older than ten - starving and not letting them get close, despite their promises of food.  
  
Kaneki was relieved to seen them unharmed when he arrived on the scene, mask firmly in place. There was what appeared to be a bundle of rags lying by the dumpster of the nearby building. There was sobbing coming from the pile, the child clearly hiding underneath, not an inch of skin visible.  
  
Amon came to greet him. “We’re glad you’re here.” There was a deep furrow between his eyebrows as he glanced back towards the child. “We tried to draw her out and Akira got too close. Kid tried to take a chunk out of her, then hid over there.”  
  
Kaneki frowned. “The stench of the dumpster and dirty rags likely covers the scent of human meat. She doesn’t want to hurt anyone.”  
  
“We know.” Amon nodded towards the girl. “Akira left some strips of meat for her, but she won’t come out even for those.” Indeed, there were some meat strips laid out on top of what must have been Akira’s jacket to keep them from getting dirty. All TSC operatives on duty carried them in case of emergencies.  
  
“She’s scared.” Kaneki murmured. “And not thinking rationally.” He sighed softly. “Hold your position. I’ll see if I can coax her out.”  
  
He headed slowly towards the pile of rags, which shifted slightly upon his approaching footsteps. He was in front of her, but kept a good couple of feet between them. He didn’t want her to feel threatened and scare her even more.  
  
“Why don’t you tell me your name?” Kaneki crouched and asked softly.  
  
The rags shifted enough that Kaneki saw a half of a dirty face and a single brown eye peak out at him. There was a whimper and she hid again. She mumbled something, Kaneki only picking up the word ‘scary’.  
  
He glanced back at Akira and Amon, who were too far to see clearly. He turned his back directly to them, then undid the buckles on his mask, pushing it down around his neck.  
  
“Is this better?”  
  
When she peaked out again, he offered a soft smile. She nodded, but didn’t say a word. She moved the rags a little more off of her, revealing her full face and matted hair. Kaneki wondered how many months she’d been on her own.  
  
“The nice investigators left us some food. Would you like some?” He grabbed the corner of the jacket behind him without looking and dragged it a little bit closer. She perked up with a little bit of interest. “It’s good, I promise.” Kaneki broke off a piece of the synthetic meat and ate it, demonstrating. He offered her the piece, and she reached out for it.  
  
Then the wind blew, ruffling Kaneki’s hair.  
  
No matter how it was made, the simulation meat would never compare to the real thing - fresh human flesh from someone still alive, blood pumping through their veins. The scent from the gathering of investigators behind them was overpowering, especially to someone so hungry, and someone so young.  
  
Kaneki caught her mid-lunge. She snarled with anger, fingers clawing at his shoulder. Kaneki refused to let go of her, and have her go after Akira and Amon, who would have to choose between letting themselves be injured, or hurting a child. So he didn’t dodge when her kagune tore through his abdomen, spraying blood all over the concrete. He didn’t budge an inch, even as she tore into his shoulder with her teeth, desperate with hunger.  
  
There was a shout behind him, but Kaneki held out the hand he wasn’t holding the girl with, signalling for them to stop.  
  
Despite his flesh not tasting the best, the girl tore into it again, doing anything to sate the hunger that only grew with the first bite she took. She took bite after bite, finally slowing when she came back to herself. She went from eating his shoulder to sobbing against it - great heaving sobs that shook her entire body. Kaneki reached out and grabbed another strip of meat off of Akira’s jacket, nudging the girl until she looked up at him. When she did, he offered another smile.  
  
“I’m sorry,” she cried  
  
“It’s not your fault.” Kaneki made sure she took the meat, ruffling her hair before he put his mask back in its place. Only then did he turn and motion Akira and Amon to proceed. “These nice investigators will make sure you never go hungry again, okay?” They would take her to the orphanage the TSC had for young ghouls who were either abandoned or whose parents were dead. From there, she could be adopted if a suitable family was found.  
  
He eased back and let Akira take over, introducing herself in a soft tone she only ever reserved for children. Kaneki stood, Amon’s hand landing on his elbow as he went to steady him. Kaneki cocked an eyebrow at his worried expression and hovering hands.  
  
“I’ll be alright,” he said. “This is nothing.”  
  
“Nothing?” Amon looked like he was going to shout at him, but glanced back at the girl and settled for frowning at Kaneki thunderously.  
  
“Nothing,” Kaneki repeated. He would be healed in a couple hours. Besides, he’d had much, much worse.  
  
“We have some more meat in the van -“ Amon started.  
  
Kaneki shook his head. “Give it to the girl. She’ll need it more. I can wait until I get home.”  
  
“Eyepatch, you can’t–“  
  
But Kaneki already turned and started walking away, gait straight, even as the world around him seemed to be spinning. He managed to make it a few blocks before he stumbled and fell, thankfully catching himself partially on the nearby wall. He sat against it, gritting his teeth against the pain and the uncomfortable feeling of his flesh knitting back together.  
  
He supposed he could rest there. Just for a little.


	10. A Loving Embrace

Kaneki finally stumbled through the door half past three in the morning. Hide was on the couch, a half-finished cup of coffee in front of him, tangled up in a blanket. His head was jammed against the armrest uncomfortably, and he was snoring. The television playing quietly, lighting up the room. Kaneki sneaked past him, careful not to get any blood on his rugs. He made his way into the bathroom, where he pushed the door closed and hopped in the shower. He painfully undressed himself, letting his blood-soaked clothes fall beneath him.

Kaneki’s side ached almost unbearably as he leaned against the shower wall, numbly watching the blood flow down the drain. The bite marks on his shoulder were healed, though the skin was still raw. However his side was only half-healed, the gaping hole slowly closing as his body regenerated organs and tissue. He closed his eyes and breathed through the pain. He had worse before.  
  
“Kaneki?” There was the soft pad of socked feet outside the door, then a sharp gasp. No doubt, Hide noticed the blood outside on the floor.  
  
Kaneki cursed himself. Why hadn’t he returned to his own apartment? Why did he come back to Hide’s? Was it because he promised to? Or was it because deep down, he wanted to see Hide, no matter what shape he was in? Or did he run to him because he was in bad shape, searching for comfort?  
  
Kaneki barely stumbled out of the shower and threw himself against the door to keep Hide from entering.  
  
“Sorry.” He gasped. “I got blood everywhere.”  
  
“Goddammit, Ken! You really think that’s what I’m worried about? Open up.” Hide pushed the door. In a testament to Kaneki’s weakened state, he actually managed to pry it open an inch. “My house. My bathroom. My rules. Open.”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Ken.”  
  
“Hide.”  
  
Hide muttered a few curses, then pushed to door open forcefully again, managing to wedge his foot in the gap so Kaneki couldn’t close it.  
  
Kaneki squeezed his eyes shut. Hide would be horrified if he saw him. He didn’t want that, no matter how much he ached to have Hide’s arms around him. He solidified his resolve.  
  
“I’m not joking, Hide.”  
  
“Yeah, well neither am I. I’m not just gonna sit out here and wait for you while you’re hurt and bleeding!”  
  
“I’m healing - and if you could just give me some time to do that, I’ll be right with you.”  
  
“Kaneki, please,” Hide begged. He sounded on the edge of tears.   
  
And just like that, his resolve crumbled. He shakily stepped away from the door, snagging one of the hanging towels to cover himself, and slid down the wall. As he sat, Hide hesitantly pushed the door open a couple more inches, then hastily opened it the rest of the way and rushed inside.  
  
Kaneki got most of the blood cleaned off himself, but there was still some on the floor and by the shower, in addition to the trickle that was coming from under his hands, which he was using to shield his wound.  
  
“Fuck.” Hide crouch in front of him, hands trembling. “Come on, come on. Let me see. It’s okay. Can I call someone for you?” Hide’s gaze trailed over him, searching for wounds other than his most obvious one. He froze when his gaze met Kaneki’s, his eyes wide.  
  
Kaneki’s hands shot to his face, horrified realization dawning on him. In his pain, his kakugan actived. His single kakugan. He covered it. With his human eye, he saw Hide’s face pale with horror, gaze shooting down to the hole in his side.  
  
The way Kaneki’s stomach twisted had nothing to do with his injury. He tried to stand - to get away, so he wouldn’t have to see that horrible, horrible expression. But Hide’s hands landed on his shoulders and he fixed Kaneki with a firm look.  
  
“Don’t you dare.”  
  
Kaneki winced. “I’m sorry.” Would Hide hate him for hiding who he was from him? Would he be afraid of him?  
  
Hide’s breath hitched. “No. No, no, no honey. Don’t be sorry. It’s okay.” Hide’s hands rose to his face, exceedingly gently as they brushed his wet hair away from his face. “What can I do? Just tell me what I can do.”  
  
Kaneki stared at his earnest, worried expression. He leaned against Hide’s hands, and when tears started to flow from his eyes, Hide wiped them away. Kaneki’s throat tightened, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to speak without sobbing, so he grabbed the front of Hide’s shirt and gave it a tug. He seemed confused at first, but eventually got the idea and settled down beside Kaneki. Carefully, holding his side, Kaneki maneuvered himself so he could lay and rest his head on Hide’s lap.  
  
“Okay,” Hide breathed. He ran his fingers through Kaneki’s hair. “Okay. You’ll be okay?”  
  
Kaneki turned his face against Hide’s hip, taking a couple deep, calming breaths. “I’ll heal. Give it another hour and I’ll be back to normal.”  
  
“Another hour?”  
  
Kaneki tentatively peeked up at Hide’s expression. He looked like he wanted to ask more. But instead, he bit his bottom lip and went back to petting Kaneki’s hair.  
  
Kaneki closed his eyes, ignoring the burning as his body slowly patched itself back together. It was unbearably slow, since he hadn’t eaten in a while. Normally it wouldn’t take him half an hour to heal such an injury. Less if he was using his kakuga. But Hide didn’t need to see that. He’d already seen enough.  
  
Kaneki’s phone rang, cutting through the silence. Kaneki tensed, automatically going to sit up, but Hide patted his shoulder.  
  
“Don’t move. I can reach it from here.”  
  
Kaneki was jostled a little as Hide stretched to reach it. Hide placed the phone in his awaiting hand.  
  
He sighed, but wasn’t surprised to see Tsukiyama’s number on the screen.  
  
He answered. “Hi, sorry. I forgot to check in.”  
  
“Ah! Well, it’s good to hear you’re in one piece. I was starting to get worried. I trust all went well?”

  
“The TSC took the girl in. The orphanage will look after her well. I think she’ll be okay.” Kaneki resisted the urge to glance up at Hide. “We can check in with her later?”  
  
“Oui. I’ll check in once she is settled... Mon ami, you sound strained. Are you alright?”  
  
Kaneki rubbed his chin. “I’m fine.”  
  
Hide scoffed above him. “I could shove a hand through that hole in your abdomen. You’re not fine.”  
  
Kaneki immediately cringed, knowing Tsukiyama had superior hearing.  
  
“Is that so...” Tsukiyama’s voice was soft. “Do you have something to eat to recover?”  
  
“No, I’m... not at home right now.”  
  
“The boyfriend’s then? Judging by the voice I heard. Don’t worry, I’ll be right over.”  
  
Kaneki’s nose wrinkled. “You know the address?”  
  
“What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t?” _A bloody normal one._  
  
The line disconnected. Kaneki sighed and tossed his phone aside. Hide raised an eyebrow at his sullen expression.  
  
“I should probably get a pair of pants.”

~<3<3<3~

Hide brought Kaneki a pair of old, comfortable sweatpants and helped him into them. Then he sat beside Kaneki in the bathroom, stomach twisting every time he heard Kaneki’s breath stutter. He knew Kaneki was hiding how much pain he was in. Fucking hell. Hide couldn’t imagine how much it would hurt to have a hole punched through your abdomen. He continued petting Kaneki’s hair, offering what little comfort he could until he heard a knock on the door.  
  
He gently slid away from Kaneki, kissing his cheek before he went to let Tsukiyama in. Kaneki started to stand as well.   
  
“Oh god, please don’t move anymore.” Hide’s hands hovered over him uselessly, because of course Kaneki was stubborn. But when he saw Hide’s pleading expression, he eased himself to the ground. “Just. Ugh. Just stay.” He left Kaneki to his devices, really hoping he wouldn’t try to stand again while he was gone.

Hide opened the door, finding Tsukiyama in a dark red suit, carrying a black suitcase. Hide never met him personally, but recognized him from the news and various articles regarding the TSC.

“Hide, right?” His voice was light, and a little too loud. He had a slight accent, though Hide couldn’t place it. “Good to finally meet you, though I wish it was under better circumstances, oui?”

“Uh, oui?” Hide stepped out of the way so that Tsukiyama could step inside. “Kaneki’s in the bathroom and he’s –“ Hide’s expression twisted, and not for the first time, he had to fight back tears.

“It’s alright, dear.” Tsukiyama put a hand on Hide’s shoulder, offering a slight squeeze. “He’ll be okay, I promise. We’ll get him fixed up.”

Hide showed Tsukiyama to the bathroom, where Kaneki was still sitting with his back to the wall, looking all too pale. Tsukiyama seemed unperturbed, greeting Kaneki cheerily and opening his suitcase on the sink counter. He pulled out a couple bags full of meat out. He passed one to Kaneki, who immediately tore it open. He raised the first piece to his lips, then froze when he spotted Hide hovering in the doorway.

Hide returned to Kaneki’s side. He brushed Kaneki’s sweaty bangs out of his eyes, looking at the gorgeous silvery grey and accompanying kakugan. Hide smiled softly. “You know uh… the… people jerky doesn’t bother me.”

Kaneki’s lips twitched into a smile. “Touka’s a terrible influence.”

“I know.” Hide kissed Kaneki’s cheek.

Hesitantly, Kaneki started to eat. Meanwhile, Tsukiyama was humming an off-tune song and scrolling through his phone. He sent off a few rapid messages, thumbs tapping loudly before he wordlessly picked up the second bag of meat and handed it to Kaneki.

The colour was starting to return to his cheeks, and his abdomen was almost closed, leaking a thin trail of blood down Kaneki’s side and onto the floor. Hide frowned and stood. He got a washcloth wet with warm water, Tsukiyama moving out of his way.

“Can I?” Hide asked Kaneki.

At his nod, Hide gently cleaned the newly healed skin until it was free of blood. But he could do nothing for the way it was making Kaneki’s borrowed sweatpants stick to his skin.

“Sorry, I ruined them,” Kaneki murmured.

Hide frowned at him. “Don’t be silly. I’ll get you some new ones later, okay?”

Kaneki nodded passively, finishing the last of the second bag. Before Hide could do anything, Kaneki was pushing to his feet, a little unsteady, but at least not in pain. Hide hovered at his side, though Tsukiyama seemed unbothered, still flipping through his phone. He headed out of the bathroom, still not glancing up.

“I should probably shower again.” Kaneki sighed and glanced guiltily towards the blood he left on the floor.

“I’ve got it. Don’t worry, okay?” Hide brushed the backs of their hands, hooking their pinkies together. “Take care of yourself.”

Kaneki adjusted their hands so he could hold Hide’s properly. “Thank you.” He tucked his face against Hide’s neck, stepping close, but not enough that they were touching. Hide guessed he didn’t want to get blood on him.

Hide turned his face to give him a small kiss, but Kaneki shifted back with an awkward smile. “Not till I’ve brushed my teeth.”

Hide nodded, squeezing Kaneki’s hand before leaving the bathroom to go get some paper towels to clean up the mess. He found Tsukiyama had already made himself at home in his kitchen, brewing a pot of coffee. Once Hide was sure Kaneki was in the shower, he went back in the bathroom and spent a quick couple of minutes cleaning the blood – which thankfully came off relatively easy, even if he did go through a whole roll of paper towel.

There was less blood outside the bathroom, which Kaneki thankfully kept from getting on his area rugs. There were a few splatters here or there on the floors, but that was about it. Hide could feel Tsukiyama’s eyes on him the whole while.

Hide just finished when he met his gaze. “Does this sort of thing happen… often?” Tsukiyama seemed so unbothered by everything that Hide couldn’t help but worry that Kaneki got hurt a lot.

“Oui,” Tsukiyama’s voice was low enough Kaneki wouldn’t hear. “He heals well and disregards any harm that could come to him. A bad habit, you might say.”

Hide frowned. He wondered how many times Kaneki had gotten hurt and never said anything about it. Kaneki acted like it wasn’t a big deal, and maybe it wasn’t to ghouls, but it was to Hide. “I…”

“I assure you, I like it no more than you do.” Tsukiyama sighed and poured a couple cups of coffee. He passed one to Hide and gazed towards the bathroom. “But he used to be worse,” Tsukiyama murmured to himself.

Hide’s stomach churned at the thought. He didn’t want to imagine what ‘worse’ could be. All he could see in his mind was Kaneki hurt and bloodied, needing help and not asking for it.

Tsukiyama clapped his hands, startling him. “Well, enough of that. It’s a rather dreary conversation, and one better had with Kaneki present anyway. Let’s change subjects. Nagachika Hideyoshi, I’ve learned a little about you.”

Tsukiyama’s words were kind, but his expression wasn’t. Hide licked his lips nervously.

“Now!” Tsukiyama held up a finger. “I don’t doubt your genuine feelings towards him. I think tonight has made those clear enough. However, I wonder… does he know about your past in the CCG?”

“Not yet.” Sometimes his past hurt to think about, let alone talk about. “But, I will tell him. When I’m able to.”

Tsukiyama must have heard the pain in his voice, because he didn’t push any further. They drank their coffee in relative peace, waiting for Kaneki to come out of the bathroom. Hide cast him a glance out of the corner of his eyes, remembering Tsukiyama’s own past of being known as the Gourmet. Hide supposed he wouldn’t judge Hide for whatever past he had. So long as it didn’t end up hurting Kaneki.

“I was thinking…” Kaneki was nervous for Hide to see him eat, but also seemed relieved that it didn’t bother him. Something that bothered Hide was that they couldn’t have a nice dinner together. And if that was something Hide could do for them – he would. “I want to be able to cook – for us. I know the TSC has a lot of simulated foods, and I was wondering…

“If you would be able to get some?” Tsukiyama’s expression was bright. He regarded Hide with a newfound interest. “I believe I could. How about some blood wine as well?” Tsukiyama tapped his chin. “I could send you a couple recipes that are relatively easy to make.”

“That would be great. Thank you.” Hide hoped Kaneki would like it.

The shower shut off and Tsukiyama finished the rest of his coffee. “Well, that would be my cue to leave. Take care of him, Nagachika.”

Hide smiled, pouring Kaneki a cup of the coffee Tsukiyama prepared. Kaneki eyes widened in surprise when Hide met him outside the bathroom door, but he took the warm mug gratefully. He downed it in one go, then swayed into Hide, resting his head against his shoulder.

“Tired?” Healing like Kaneki did probably really exhausted the body. “Come sleep.” Hide took the cup from him and put it aside. Then he dragged him to the bedroom.

Kaneki was slightly bewildered as Hide all but shoved him into bed. Hide pulled the blankets tight around them, shifting closer to Kaneki. It wasn’t the first time they cuddled, but it was their first time sleeping in bed together.  
  
Hide cupped Kaneki’s cheek, looking into his eyes and gauging his expression to make sure he was truly okay. Kaneki closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, sighing softly.  
  
“I’m okay. Promise,” Kaneki said.  
  
Hide swallowed thickly, feeling tears rise in his eyes again. “Thank you. For coming back here. And for letting me help you.”  
  
Kaneki chuckled. “You didn’t give me much of a choice on that last one.”  
  
Hide scoffed. “You knew that when you came here.”  
  
Kaneki tucked his face against Hide’s chest. He hummed when Hide started dragging his fingertips through his damp hair. “I guess I did.” Kaneki held Hide tighter. “But you’re okay with this? Me, I mean?” He glanced up at Hide, with only one kakugan.

_The One-Eyed King._  
  
Hide traced his fingers under it, making Kaneki squint a little. “I’m wrapping my head around it. But...” It was hard. To coincide the imagine of Kaneki superimposed by the media - powerful and truth be told, a little scary... and the Kaneki curled up against him, vulnerable and worried. “It won’t change anything between us, right?”  
  
“No.” Kaneki’s eyes started watering. “Hide... thank you.”  
  
Hide brushed the tears away with his thumb, cupping Kaneki’s face like he was made of glass.  
  
“I wanted to tell you, but I was scared.” He pressed his face against Hide’s chest again, inhaling deeply.  
  
“I know.” Hide wanted to wrap him up in his arms and never let the world hurt him.  
  
Kaneki cried silently, nothing giving it away except the wetness on Hide’s shirt and the occasional hitch in his breath. Hide rubbed a circle between his shoulder blades, easing some tension. Eventually he relaxed, almost boneless against Hide.  
  
“I haven’t slept here before,” Kaneki’s voice was low and soft. “I have nightmares. Sometimes.”  
  
Hide had guessed. He hummed, loosening his grip as Kaneki twisted in his hold. He pressed his chest against Kaneki’s back, an arm wrapped securely around his waist, hand resting against his chest. Kaneki fiddled with his fingers for a moment before clutching Hide’s hand tightly. Hide stayed awake only long enough to make sure Kaneki fell into sleep peacefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I'm gonna say... this weekend... hmmm. Can't wait for those two chapters to come out.


	11. Interlude - Rize

Rize was always imprisoned in one way or another. It was only after she escaped the Garden that she had a short time to be free. She could do what she wanted. She could eat what she wanted. And she could eat _however much_ she wanted.

And she was so, so hungry.

She wanted to gorge herself on the delectable flesh of men. Their gazes were predatory as they looked at her like a hunk of meat. She wanted to drink in their terror when they discovered that _she_ was the predator – and that _they_ were the meat.

She was beautiful and she used it to her advantage, but after the Garden, she knew she would never let a man touch her. She had no interest in giving anyone anything. Enough had already been forcibly taken from her.

She was only interested in what the world had to offer her. She had an insatiable appetite, for all things in life. _And she would feed._

Her brief freedom was stolen from her when she hunted a young man named Kaneki Ken. She couldn’t wait to sink her teeth in him. He had delicate skin and just the right amount of fat for a delicious meal. He was too trusting, blinded by her beauty like all other men before him.

Then she was crushed under steel beams, and turned into Dr. Kanou’s lab rat. The majority of her time under his ‘care’ was foggy. She was either drugged up to keep her docile, or too exhausted from the countless surgeries to lift a finger. She was briefly in the hands of others, and then Kanou had her again.

He took _years_ from her.

She was regretful she wasn’t the one to kill him. She spent countless hours fanaticizing about it – about penetrating him with her kagune and watching him squirm as he coughed up blood. She wondered if he would beg. She wondered if he would rage.

She was shackled in her chains when a kagune drove through his stomach. He was standing before her, going over his latest experiments like she gave a damn. Then his blood was coating her face. For a moment she thought she miraculously materialized her kagune, given that it was so similar to her own.

Kaneki Ken was hardly recognizable from when she hunted him.

He pulled his kagune out of Kanou’s stomach, letting him fall to the floor. Rize was disappointed that he died with only a choked gasp on his lips.

From there, she was taken to a different facility by Tsukiyama Shuu. She remembered him. She disliked him. While the cage they gave her was more comfortable, it was still a cage. She was set up in a room much like she imagined they would have in Cochlea, though significantly larger. It was filled with bookshelves, and had all necessary furniture.

They knew it wouldn’t make her happy – or even content. They were so cruel to keep her caged for the same atrocities they committed. They all ate humans. So what if she had a bigger appetite? So what if she killed more than she needed?

But she played nice – she had to, if she wanted to be free. She ate those pathetically small portions they gave her and she pretended they satiated her. Rize wanted to convince them she could be trusted. And finally, her hard work paid off.

Kaneki Ken visited one day. He removed her shackles, and for the first time in years, they talked. Kaneki was kind, as always, but had lost his earlier naivety. And Rize hated him for it. She wouldn’t be free – not truly – for a long time. She was being offered ‘parole’, and if she slipped, she would be back in her cage again.

Rize set off on her own. She didn’t want to be a part of whatever ridiculous group Kaneki formed. To make peace with humans was foolish. Why did they have to bend their wills to those lesser lifeforms? Ghouls were superior in every way. They could take what they wanted, when they wanted. And they should be eliminating the obstacles in their way, like the CCG, rather than seeking to work with them.

The first couple months were quiet. She was being checked on less and less, although her amount of rationed food was still being delivered weekly. GOAT was busy with the CCG. There was a young ghoul girl they captured, and GOAT was raiding Cochlea to free her. Kaneki came personally to ask for her help, but she turned him down.

She had no interest in stepping foot somewhere she could be captured and returned to her role as ‘lab rat’. Besides, while GOAT was occupied, it gave her the perfect opportunity to hunt. Not only would GOAT be busy, but so would the entirety of the CCG.

She set out that night, wearing a short skirt with high heels. Her shirt was low-cut, displaying her cleavage. She went out to the bars, and she snagged herself more than one foolish man that night. After being deprived for so many years, it took more than usual to fill her.

It was a shame she couldn’t bring any home with her. If she did, then Kaneki would know what she did, and would cage her again.

She was sure she covered her tracks, so when Kaneki came to visit her the next day, it was a surprise. He was haggard, looking like he hadn’t slept since the Cochlea Raid. He was exhausted, but when he glared at her, Rize knew that somehow, if they fought, she would be the one to lose.

“You disobeyed my orders,” Kaneki said. He sounded sad.

Rize scoffed. “And who do you think you are to order me?”

“I am the One-Eyed King.” Kaneki lifted his chin. “And I lead the ghouls in Tokyo. Like it or not, that includes you. And I cannot let ghouls mindlessly kill humans when we are trying to make peace.”

Rize bared her teeth. “Oh, Kaneki. For sure you must be joking?” Rize twirled a piece of hair around her finger. “I killed no one.”

Kaneki’s expression twisted. “Don’t you dare lie to me.” Before she could even blink, his kagune was out, hovering above her menacingly. One pointed to her stomach. “We have a witness. And if I were to gut you right now, how much would come out of you?”

Even if she were to lose, Rize was never going down without a fight.

Rize charged at Kaneki, her own kagune sprouting. It had been so nice the other night to finally let it free and go wild. It was a while since she was in a serious fight, but she was no slouch. She earned her S-rank. Kaneki dodged out of the way of her strike, sending his kagune spearing towards her.

Rize was always agile, but she supposed Kaneki received that trait from her when her kakuhou was implanted into him. Her RC cells were pumping through his veins, giving him power. Yet, they made him even more powerful than her. They healed any gash she made with horrifying swiftness. His kagune moved quicker than she could ever make hers. She was agile, but next to Kaneki she felt sluggish.

Kaneki earned his SS-rank. It was not just the RC cells and kagune that made a ghoul, but it was their ferociousness as well. Rize couldn’t help but laugh as Kaneki’s kagune punctured her abdomen, exactly where she struck him so many years ago. 

When he leaned over her, she could see the hunger in his eyes. She wondered if he would tear a piece of her away, and steal more than he already had.

“You think of me a monster…” There was blood on her lips, bubbling when she laughed. “But you’re one too.”

“I know what I am. What I’ve become. And what I must do.” Kaneki dragged her to a van, where she was driven back to her former prison.

~<3<3<3~

With the formation of the TSC, Rize was moved from one prison to another. Her new one was much smaller, a renovated cell in what used to be called Cochlea. Her belongings went with her, though after a few short months, her room was beginning to overflow with books. They were stacked on every available surface.

In her hands was the newest novel from Takatsuki Sen, brought to her by Kaneki. He visited her occasionally, fueled by his guilty conscience. He was one of the few people that came into her cell and wasn’t afraid of her. That didn’t stop her from attacking him the first few times. Her blood was still soaked into the pages of some of her books.

“You would be a powerful ally,” Kaneki said.

Rize didn’t know why he was still trying to convince her to join his cause. He wanted her to risk her life to fight for something she didn’t believe in. Ghouls and humans were not equal. The only thing she would fight for was to tear into their flesh.

“You would have some degree of freedom,” Kaneki said. “You don’t have to live like this.”

“ _Freedom_ ,” Rize spit the word. “We both know I’ll never be free. Not with you hanging over my shoulder making sure I don’t binge.”

“Food is not as scarce as it used to be. With the simulation meat –“

Rize sneered. “There is a difference between simulation and the real thing. The simulation meat doesn’t scream or cry when you bite into it.”

“Rize.”

“Ken.”

“Please be reasonable, and have some control.” Kaneki ran a hand over his face. “We can’t be killing people.”

“And whose fault is that?” Rize gritted her teeth. “Not everyone is for this new world you’re creating.”

“And many more are not happy with the world we’re living in either. Every day, more are joining our cause. Humans and ghouls alike. They’re tired of this war. Why be at war when we could be at peace? Too many people are dying pointlessly. Maybe the new world I’m creating isn’t perfect, but it is better.”

“For you, maybe.” Rize shook her head. “I very much like killing people. Particularly men who are foolish enough to think I’d be attracted to them.”

Kaneki stood with a sigh. “I’ll be back in a couple weeks. Do you have any requests?”

“I’d rather you didn’t come visit me,” Rize said. “it’s getting tedious already.”

“I’ll bring a couple books then.” Kaneki left, somehow looking sadder and more pathetic than when he came in.

As soon as he was gone, Rize opened the book Kaneki left for her. Takatsuki Sen was always one of her favourite authors, and was even more so now that she knew her true identity. The One-Eyed Owl. She was responsible for far more deaths than Rize, yet she was still free.

Rize wondered if Kaneki was afraid to fight her.

Rize hadn’t seen much of her – only glimpses when she was imprisoned in Kanou’s labs, but she exuded power. It was like she believed there was no one in the world who could defeat her. And Rize liked to think that was true. While Eto played a part in Rize’s imprisonment, Rize couldn’t hate her. Instead, she envied her. Takatsuki Sen – Yoshimura Eto – was untouchable. She could do as she wished, and there was no one who could tell her otherwise.

Not only was Eto powerful, but she was also the one to finally kill Furuta. While Rize would have loved to have the pleasure herself, she was just glad he was gone. She’d have to thank Eto, if Rize ever met her again.

Rize pressed her nose against the cover of the book. One of her favourite scents was that of a brand-new book. But she put it aside for later. One of the improvements on the former Cochlea cells was the increased privacy. There were no cameras inside, nor were there windows or bars for someone to peer in at her.

Rize slipped a hand into her pants, thinking of Eto’s piercing gaze and sharp tongue.

~<3<3<3~

Days bled into weeks, and weeks into months. Being locked up didn’t become any easier, but it was becoming routine. The lights came on by schedule, and the food was delivered by schedule. Breakfast was approximately an hour after the lights came on, and dinner was approximately three hours before they went back off. However, she did have a small lamp on a desk, for when she stayed up for some late-night reading.

The hour before breakfast each morning was usually spent reading as well. An hour after breakfast, she would work out for a bit, keeping her joints nimble and her muscles strong. She lost a lot of strength in her years with Kanou. Her limbs hardly functioned for weeks after she was locked up in Tsukiyama Shuu’s safehouse. She didn’t want to feel that helpless ever again. She at least wanted a chance to fight.

Coffee usually followed lunch. If she wasn’t fantasizing about murder or escape, she was doing her best to plot it. She learned the rotations of the guards, and when they would come check on her.

She was dosed with RC suppressants, although not as much as Cochlea would have given her. She was still lucid, and had some function of her kagune, although it was greatly impaired. She was certainly weak enough for the guards to stop her. The guards were always either ghouls or former CCG operatives armed with quinques. However, she was strong enough to train.

She couldn’t unleash the full size of her kagune. Not without passing out from exertion, or without alerting the guards of her plans. Instead, she worked with thin tendrils, as small as she could make them. She trained until they were almost as thin as a hair strand, and still responding to her every command. When she closed her eyes, she could still feel where they were in the air.

Kagune usually manifested outside the body, but it was possible to manifest within, kakuja being the proof. Laying in her bed, with her eyes closed, Rize took a deep breath and turned her focus inside her body.

There was pain, but that was to be expected. She had dozens of needle-like appendages piercing her from the inside. But she pushed. Further, further, and further yet. There was pressure from just below her eye. A tendril burst out of the skin, curling when Rize commanded it.

Control was _not_ the thing Rize lacked.

~<3<3<3~

The futility of Rize’s struggles always made her impending imprisonment seem like fate. All her life, she went from one person’s hands to another. The TSC only had her for so long before someone else took her.

There were no alarms, and no warning. When Rize’s door opened, she thought it was one of the guards. But the man wasn’t anyone she recognized. He was wearing all black, a blank black mask over his face. Rize stood from where she was seated at her desk.

The man strode towards her, a syringe in his hand.

He grabbed at her, but Rize caught his hand, effortlessly breaking a couple fingers. The man grunted in pain, and shot a foot out. It connected with Rize’s knee. There was a pop as the joint dislocated. Rize stumbled back on her other leg, almost collapsing when the injured one wouldn’t support any weight.

She grabbed onto her desk, the veins around her eyes tightened as her kakugan activated. She willed a tendril of her kagune out. It speared through the man’s thigh, making him stumble. At the same time, she willed numerous tendrils through her injured leg, setting the joint in the proper place so it could heal.

The man lunged at her again, but with her knee partially healed, she was able to throw herself out of the way of his kagune. It struck though the drywall behind her desk, being stopped short by the quinque steel behind that.

Unfortunately, the RC suppressants she was on made her too slow to dodge his next strike. It struck her in the chest, pushing through one of her lungs. She coughed, blood splattering the ground. The man knelt before her, grabbing her face. Even as her kagune impaled him, he tilted her face up. She focused inwards again, forcing tendrils of her kagune through her skin and into his hand. At the same time, he pushed the needle into her eye and pushed the plunger.

The alarm in the prison began to blare as her vision faded.


	12. A Turning Point

Kaneki slept over multiple times that week. He was always shy and a little tentative before crawling into bed, but when he did, he would melt into Hide’s arms. He had yet to have one of his nightmares while sleeping over, but Hide knew it would happen eventually.

Every night Kaneki stayed over, Hide woke up to fresh coffee and soft kisses. Kaneki stretched languidly in bed beside him, reading in the early morning sun filtering through the window. Hide loved to mess that bedhead even more and sink into Kaneki’s warm embrace.

It was a Sunday when Kaneki didn’t stay over that there was a knock on his door. Hide signed for a package from one Tsukiyama Shuu. Hide opened the cooler with excitement, finding a thick cut of meat, including what looked like spices and sauce to put over it. There were some instructions for a hamburger steak included, with a note saying it was one of Kaneki’s favourites. Beside the note was a small, elegant bottle of blood wine.

Hide put everything in the fridge and sent Kaneki a message finding out when Kaneki could come over, and cheered when he found out he would be over for six in the afternoon. He immediately hopped on the internet and found a hamburger steak recipe for himself, hoping it would resemble the one he was making Kaneki.

He found a decent recipe, then ran out to get the ingredients, sending Touka a quick text to let her know he was heading down the street. He picked up some spices, ground hamburger and ground pork.

He started cooking a couple hours before Kaneki showed up, sure to keep all utensils and pans separate for their respective dishes. Once he was almost finished, he went and changed into some nicer clothes – dark pants and a white button-down shirt. Five minutes before Kaneki showed up, Hide set the dishes out and poured their glasses of wine. He lit a couple candles he found in his cupboard and turned the lights off.

Hide heard a key turn in the lock - the key Hide made and gave to Kaneki a couple days earlier. Kaneki stepped in, then froze when he noticed the room was only lit with candle light. His duffle bag fell to the floor with a dull thump. Hide caught his hand and pulled him over to the set table, dragging out the chair so he could sit. Kaneki looked at the meal with wide eyes, then up at Hide.  
  
“Tsukiyama helped and got me everything. But uh - you’ve cooked for me before, and I wanted to return the favour.” Hide bit his lip as he sat across from Kaneki, suddenly uncertain. “I hope you like it.”  
  
Kaneki picked up his knife and fork, smiling softly, if a little sadly. Then he exhaled slowly and set them down. Hide’s heart leapt into his throat as Kaneki stood. He took three unsteady steps towards Hide, sinking into his embrace with a quiet sob.  
  
“Sorry,” Kaneki murmured. “I’ve been crying on you so much lately.”  
  
“If you ever need to cry, I’m happy to be here for you.” If Kaneki was in pain, Hide wanted him to know he could always come to him.  
  
“I just...” Kaneki rubbed his face roughly with his sleeve. “I didn’t think that I would ever... I’m really happy. To share a meal with you.” Kaneki kissed Hide’s cheek. “Thank you. I guess I should eat before it gets cold.”  
  
Hide caught him for a quick kiss before he returned to his seat, picking up his utensils again. He took his first bite.  
  
“It’s good.” He grinned.  
  
Hide felt a flutter in his chest and started his own meal. He didn’t cook for himself much, but maybe it would be a good time to start. The occasional home-cooked meal was a nice change. Especially if he could eat across from Kaneki.  
  
“How was your day?”  
  
Kaneki hefted a sigh. “We still haven’t found anything in the locations we’re searching. I’m heading to two more tomorrow morning.”  
  
“So do I get to keep you for the night then?”  
  
“Yeah, you do.” Kaneki said quietly. “I’m all yours.” He smiled as he kept eating his meal, occasionally sipping his wine. “Your day?”  
  
“Lazy. I worked on translating some of the documents Touka wanted for her essay, but that’s about it. Well, other than this.” Hide gestured to their meal. “I had a lot of fun cooking.”  
  
“So I can expect meals like this in the future?” Kaneki was hopeful.  
  
Hide nodded and tapped his chin. “Maybe next time we can cook together?”  
  
“I’d like that.”  
  
They ate for a few more moments in silence before Hide cleated his throat, his stomach churning a little. He put down his fork and folded his hands on the table, resisting the nervous urge to tap then.  
  
“There’s... there’s actually something I want to talk to you about.”  
  
Seeing Hide’s pinched expression, Kaneki set his fork down as well. He tried to cover it up, but Hide could see the worry in his eyes.  
  
“You know my parents used to be CCG investigators.”  
  
Kaneki nodded, expression going from worried to confused. He reached across the table and took Hide’s hand. “It’s okay. Whatever it is.”  
  
Hide nodded, licking his lips. “Well, when my parents died, I was drafted into the CCG’s academy. And, starting at 16, I did my 4 years of mandatory service in exchange.”  
  
Kaneki’s eyebrows rose. “You worked for the CCG?” Kaneki seemed more intrigued than upset, which threw Hide for a bit of a loop. Hide supposed he worked with a lot of former CCG members, so he was used to it. But dating someone was a hell of a lot different than working with them.  
  
“Yeah, they sort of bounced me around a lot - starting as an agent out in the field, then I went to tactics and intelligence, and then forensics. And finally, they demoted me to a delivery boy who translated documents part time.” Hide smiled sheepishly. “I didn’t like what they stood for, even back then, so er - yeah. They could force me to work for them, but it didn’t mean I had to do a good job.” Hide’s words rushed out of him. “I just wanted to tell you - you know?”  
  
Kaneki looked at him fondly, amusement in his eyes. “How much havoc did you cause for them?”  
  
Hide stiffened, then relaxed with a chuckle. His lips twitched upwards. “Enough to save a few lives, I would like to think?”  
  
Kaneki laughed and shook his head. “You’re - you’re something else.” He stretched out his legs under the table, brushing theirs together. “You’re gonna have to tell me more about all the trouble you got into sometime.”  
  
Hide grinned. “I wouldn’t even know where to start.”  
  
They finished the rest of the meal. Once they cleaned everything up, Hide wrapped his arms around Kaneki, leaning in for a kiss. He huffed and pouted when Kaneki covered his mouth with his hand.  
  
“Let me brush my teeth first.” He hurried off to the bathroom.  
  
Hide shrugged and made a pot of coffee, doing it on habit since Kaneki was coming more and more often. He poured himself a cup, almost spilling it when Kaneki silently snuck up behind him and hugged him around the waist.  
  
“You know, I still haven’t made it up to you, leaving you hanging like that.” Kaneki’s voice was low and achingly sweet.  
  
Hide shuddered, feeling heat pool in his stomach and a little lower. He leaned back against Kaneki, folding his hands over his. He groaned when Kaneki eased a hand under his shirt to touch his chest, thumb brushing over a nipple. He kissed his way up Hide’s neck, pausing to suck on his earlobe and tug at it with his teeth.  
  
“What -“ Hide’s breath was already coming out embarrassingly fast. “What do you have in mind?”  
  
“That depends on whether or not you have lube,” Kaneki murmured.

“Do I have lube?” Hide wriggled in Kaneki’s arms until he relaxed his hold enough for him to turn around. “Course I have lube. Who the hell do you think I am?”

Kaneki laughed, his face burning a bright and beautiful red. He ducked his head when Hide met his gaze. Hide smiled gently and caught him under the chin, tilting his face back up.

“Nervous?” Hide ran his thumb along Kaneki’s bottom lip.

Kaneki licked his lips, tongue just barely brushing Hide’s thumb. “Excited too.”

“Well, yes. I _can_ feel that.” Hide ground their hips together, making Kaneki groan and step forward, crowding Hide against the counter. “So what are you going to do about it?” Hide would let him do just about anything he wanted to him.

“I’m gonna.” Kaneki swallowed thickly. “I want to ride you.”

_Holy fuck_. Hide made a straggled noise, and somehow – impossibly – he got harder. Kaneki’s hands lowered to Hide’s thighs and he lifted him onto the counter, Hide’s hands flying to his shoulders for support. Kaneki kissed his neck softly, nimble fingers making quick work on Hide’s shirt – making him exceedingly glad it was a button-down. Kaneki kissed ever inch of skin he exposed, marking Hide’s chest with red.

“Oh fuck yes.” Hide dragged his fingers roughly through Kaneki’s hair, eliciting a throaty moan. Kaneki pushed the shirt off his shoulder, Hide shrugging it the rest of the way down, struggling a little getting the bundled fabric off his wrists. Once free, he tossed the shirt aside with relish.

Meanwhile, Kaneki already worked on undoing the button and zipper on his pants. Hide shimmied obligingly to get his pants down to his knees, Kaneki helping get them off the rest of the way. Kaneki ground against him again, making Hide’s breath hitch.

It really wasn’t fair that Kaneki was still entirely dressed, but Hide couldn’t work up a word of complaint as Kaneki sunk to his knees. His cheek brushed against Hide’s inner thigh. He paused to kiss it before he slowly and languidly licked Hide’s cock through his underwear. Hide groaned, covering his mouth with one hand to stifle the noise. With his other, he reached for one of the hands holding his thighs apart.

Kaneki threaded their fingers together, sucking at Hide’s length. His underwear felt damp against his skin, and Hide wanted to remove them so that there would be no barrier between him and Kaneki, but he also didn’t want him to stop either. It was good, but also frustrating.

Kaneki stood, colliding their lips in a searing kiss. Kaneki’s hands tightened on his thighs again as he lifted him off the counter and carried him into the bedroom. Hide couldn’t help the little thrill that went through him every time Kaneki lifted him like he was nothing.

Kaneki didn’t bother turning on the light as he lowered Hide into bed. The only thing Hide could really see was the outline of Kaneki’s body as he took his shirt off. He leaned down to kiss Hide, the skin-on-skin contact making him groan.

“Lube?”

Kaneki backed off enough that Hide could lean over and grab it from the nightstand drawer. “Condom?”

“Ghouls don’t get STIs.” Kaneki murmured. “But if you want to, we’ll wear them.”

Hide supposed they wouldn’t, considering they didn’t get sick or get human diseases. But the risk of STIs weren’t the only reason people used them. “Without, then.” Hide handed the lube to Kaneki, who put it aside.

He removed his pants, leaving him and Hide both in their underwear. He froze momentarily, the nerves kicking in again. Hide fumbled for his hands in the dark, giving an encouraging squeeze. He wrapped his arms around Kaneki so they were chest-to-chest again. Hide licked Kaneki’s bottom lip in askance, then slid his tongue into his mouth, making him shudder. Meanwhile, he trailed his fingers down Kaneki’s spine, then slowly pushed his underwear down so he could grope his ass.

Kaneki’s hips stuttered against his, but it seemed to be the last encouragement he needed. He pushed his underwear the rest of the way down and kicked them aside, then just as nimbly removed Hide’s.

The first time their cocks slid together Hide saw stars. Both of them reached down at the same time, trying to align themselves better. It was a little awkward, leaving Kaneki laughing breathlessly and Hide snickering. But it felt good, and eventually it wasn’t so awkward anymore, and their movements become more natural.

“Hang on.” Kaneki gasped. He shifted up more, spreading his legs so that he was straddling Hide’s stomach. He was quite the sight, the muscles of his legs flexing as he settled over Hide, his chest heaving as he struggled to control his breath, and his single kakugan blazing in the dark.

Hide heard the lube cap pop and his hands immediately went to Kaneki’s sides to steady him. Kaneki leaned forward bracing himself on one arm as he reached back to finger himself. It was still dark, but Hide’s eyes were adjusted enough that he got a front-row seat to Kaneki’s expressions. He noticed some discomfort, so he reached down and slowly stroked Kaneki’s cock, watching his expression morph into one of pleasure.

He moaned Hide’s name, that slight discomfort only returning when he added a second, then a third finger. Eventually he was shifting again, Hide’s heart racing as he heard the lube open again. Kaneki reached down and stroked his cock, covering it completely. Hide moaned helplessly, doing his best to keep his hips still and not thrust up into Kaneki while he slowly lowered himself down onto him. Kaneki stopped a couple inches from the base of Hide’s cock, breathing heavily. Then he lifted and sunk again just as slowly.

“You’re beautiful. So beautiful.” Hide ran his hands up and down Kaneki’s thighs. He let one hand drift to where they were connected, feeling the way Kaneki was stretched around him. He groaned, running his hand back up Kaneki’s front to rub his sack, and then went back to rubbing his cock.

Kaneki gasped several expletives, starting to ride Hide with more confidence. It was only when he took Hide’s full length and built up a decent speed that Hide started thrusting up into him. A slight change of angle and a particularly hard thrust had Kaneki crying out with pleasure. Hide could only make him moan like that a few more times before he was cumming, gripping Kaneki’s waist tightly as he rode out his orgasm.

Hide pulled out of Kaneki and took a second to reorient himself. Kaneki was smiling above him, looking a little smug. Hide probably looked absolutely wrecked, because that was how he felt. But that didn’t mean he didn’t have a little bit of energy left.

Kaneki gasped in surprise as Hide abruptly flipped their positions. He felt for the lube bottle that Kaneki left on the bed. He poured some over his fingers and rubbed them together to warm it. Kaneki watched him with wide eyes as Hide gripped the back of his knee and lifted his leg so he could see what he was doing.

Hide slid two fingers into Kaneki’s already stretched hole. He crooked his fingers, searching for that little bundle of nerves that would make Kaneki’s toes curl. He knew he found it when Kaneki moaned loudly and his back arched. He clenched around Hide’s fingers, some cum oozing out of his hole around them. Hide pulled his fingers back and thrust them in again, watching the way it made Kaneki’s entire body jolt. Once he was confident he could consistently hit Kaneki’s prostate, Hide lowered his head and sucked hard on the tip of Kaneki’s cock.

Kaneki’s hands flew to Hide’s hair, tugging urgently. “Ah – I’m close.”

Hide just took him a couple more inches into his mouth and moaned around him. Kaneki gasped harshly and clenched down on Hide’s fingers even tighten than before. Hide swallowed as he came. Hide continued to lick and suck at his cock until he was flaccid. He removed his fingers, trailing them along Kaneki’s inner thigh.

“Come here,” Kaneki murmured lazily. He cupped Hide’s cheek with his palm. He used his thumb to wipe away some cum that dribbled down Hide’s chin, then pulled him into a soft, lazy kiss. Hide felt satisfied all the way down to his bones.

“We should clean up a bit,” Hide said when they parted.

Kaneki hummed, but he was already too far gone to care. Smiling fondly, Hide made a quick trip to the bathroom to brush his teeth and get a warm washcloth to clean at least a bit of the mess of them. Then he curled up in bed beside Kaneki, feeling warm all over as Kaneki immediately sought his embrace.

~<3<3<3~

Hide had been in something of a dream-state all morning. His rambling was starting to get on her nerves. Touka sighed and adjusted her sunglasses. Honestly, she didn’t know how Kaneki could stand it. She was about five minutes away from killing Hide herself.  
  
She would much rather be at home studying for her biology exam, or better yet, hanging out on Yoriko’s couch. That was where she spent most her time nowadays. She would also like be visiting Yomo, Ayato and Hinami, but that was also off the menu.  
  
Because she was babysitting. And she was bloody bored out of her mind.  
  
Hide suddenly made a loud, annoyed noise, drawing her attention to him again. He was running a hand through his hair, glancing about.  
  
“This is driving me nuts,” he muttered.  
  
“You’re not the only one.”  
  
He pursed his lips and glared at an alley seemingly by random. “I don’t know if I’m paranoid or what, but I feel like we’re being watched again.”  
  
Touka rolled her eyes, but looked around anyway, just to humour him. She was sure that if something happened, she would be able to handle it. And - wait. Across one of the nearby rooftops she saw a figure dart by inhumanly fast. Looked like Hide wasn’t going nuts. And considering her afternoon just got more exciting, Touka wouldn’t be losing her mind either.  
  
“Stay here.” Touka shoved her backpack into Hide’s arms.  
  
She darted down a nearby alley. She climbed up using a dumpster close to a fire escape. By the time she got onto the roof, the figure was already a few buildings away. They were fast, but no one was faster than her.  
  
She gave chase.  
  
She was about two rooftops behind them when they dropped onto a lower building and she lost sight of them. Touka gritted her teeth and sped up, but by the time she reached the roof, they were nowhere in sight. She glanced about, gasping for breath, but there was no sign of where they may have gone.  
  
Frustrated with losing them, she returned to where she left Hide, only to find he was no longer there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We... do not talk about this chapter. Leave me be, I'm embarrassed. I'm gonna hide under a rock now thanks. 
> 
> Also, have I ever said I love the symbolization of the number 13 in the manga? That chapter will be posted tomorrow! :)


	13. An Unexpected Reveal

Hide was pacing back and forth in front of the alleyway Touka disappeared down when the back of his shirt was grabbed. He was thrown as if he weighed nothing, and hit a nearby wall hard enough to knock the air out of him. He wheezed and coughed, frantically trying to get a hold of something - anything - when he was grabbed by the shirt again and dragged further into the alley. He tried to call out, but was kicked swiftly in the stomach for his efforts.  
  
When he and whoever was dragging him were out of sight, he was kicked again. Hide gasped, curling up in a ball to protect himself, but no other kicks came. Hide glanced up to see his attacker - a ghoul with long, stringy brown hair, dark kakugan eyes and terrible posture. A dark mask covered the lower part of his face. He glared down at him.  
  
“I’ve been trying to get to you for a while, but it seems like my patience paid off.” The ghoul’s eyes narrowed.  
  
Hide felt around in his pocket for his keys. He curled his fingers around them.  
  
“Well,” Hide coughed. “I’m glad this all worked out so well for you.”  
  
Quick as a viper, the ghoul had him by the throat. “Smartass,” he hissed.  
  
“So... I’ve... been... told,” Hide wheezed. Maybe if he could stall the ghoul long enough for Touka to get back, he would have a chance, He squabbled uselessly at the ghouls’s forearm with one hand. The ghoul looked amused by his futile attempts. But what he didn’t notice was Hide’s other arm rising steadily. In one swift motion, Hide took his keys and jammed one into the ghoul’s left eye.  
  
The ghoul released him with a shriek. Hide almost lost hold of his keys when he pulled back. He tightened his fist, charging at the ghoul to stab him in the other eye before he could recover. The ghoul had one hand clamped over his injured eye, but the other one was wide.  
  
And glaring at him.  
  
The was a crack as the ghoul caught Hide’s arm mid-descent. Pain flared all the way down to his fingers and all the way up to his shoulder. The keys clattered to the ground.  
  
“You’ll regret that.”  
  
Hide tried to pull back, but the ghoul only squeezed his arm harder as he stalked forward, pushing Hide up against the alley wall. All Hide could see was brown hair and the flash of white teeth.  
  
Then a chunk was torn out of his shoulder.  
  
Hide screamed in pain. He could hear the ghoul chewing - swallowing. His eyes watered, breaths coming out in short puffs. The ghoul opened his mouth again, going in for another bite.  
  
But then he suddenly whipped his head around and drew back a few inches. Hide tried to squirm out of his grasp, but couldn’t.  
  
“Fuck. I wanted you to suffer.” The ghoul went for his jugular.  
  
Hide jammed his already injured arm into his mouth. The ghoul looked surprised, then furious. The ghoul didn’t have time to try again, not with Touka bearing down on him with an expression that promised a painful death.   
  
The ghoul reluctantly let Hide crumble against the wall, dodging the kick Touka aimed at his head. He scurried down the alley, Touka looking as if she was going to follow. With a scoff, she turned back to Hide, who was numbly cradling his injured right arm.  
  
“Shit.”  
  
“It looks worse than it is,” Hide gasped. His entire arm was covered in blood, leaking down from both his shoulder and the bite on his forearm.  
  
Touka shook her head. “We need to get you to a hospital. Did you hit your head at all?”  
  
“Not too hard, I think.” Hide winced as he stood up. His midsection ached, but it didn’t feel like anything was broken. He felt like he was in a daze - like he was watching everything happen from far away.  
  
Touka guided him back to the entrance of the alley. She grabbed their bags, dropped when Hide was initially attacked, then slipped back into the alley. She spared what Hide guessed was her gym shirt, ripping it into a couple strips to tie Hide’s wounds.  
  
She pulled out her phone, sent a couple quick messages, then reached into her bag for her mask.  
  
“If you say anything about who I am, I will finish what that ghoul started, you hear me?” She put on her rabbit mask and Hide fought to keep his face blank. Hide suspected she was a high-ranking ghoul, but it was another thing to know her identity.  
  
“Not a single word,” she hissed.  
  
“Y-yes ma’am.” Hide swayed a little, backing up against the wall so he wouldn’t fall down. He wasn’t sure if it was the blood loss or adrenaline, but he was suddenly very dizzy.  
  
“Ah shit.” Touka helped him sit. “Shit, shit, shit. Shouldn’t have had you moving around. Stupid - thinking I’d carry you to the hospital.”  
  
Hide guessed it was an easy thing to forget. Even he hadn’t remembered, though he had the excuse of being rather shaken up, both figuratively and literally. But he supposed Touka wasn’t used to how fragile humans were.  
  
She made a call to the TSC, her shoulders less tense when she hung up. “They’re sending some investigators and some medics.”  
  
Hide wanted to shoot her a thumbs up, but just settled for nodding. With a sigh, she settled next to him. She stared at Hide for a long moment, her mask giving away nothing.  
  
“How are you feeling?” Her gentle tone surprised him.  
  
“Everything hurts.” Figures, considering he was treated like a rag-doll.  
  
“You’re not going to die on me, are you?”  
  
Hide laughed, then hissed when his ribs protested. “You wouldn’t be so lucky.” Hide groaned. “I’m pretty hard to get rid of.”  
  
Touka snorted. “So it would seem. You did good. Fighting him off. And did you – did you get him in the eye?” Her tone was tinged with disbelief.  
  
“With my keys.”

  
“You know what - maybe I’m actually starting to like you.”  
  
They fell silent. In the distance, Hide could hear sirens. The next couple of minutes were a blur. They loaded Hide onto a stretcher and into the back of an ambulance. Apparently, ghoul attacks were notorious for causing internal injuries, and he might have some without even noticing. The ride went quickly, his brain foggy from the painkillers they gave him.  
  
Touka held his hand on the uninjured side subtly when he was on the verge of panicking. Because, hell - he’d survived, but for all he knew, he could still be dying anyway, despite how closely the paramedics were monitoring him. He didn’t want to die. He was still young and had so many things he wanted to do in life.  
  
“I want Kaneki,” Hide whispered.  
  
Touka gave his hand a squeeze. “He’ll be here soon.” She sent another message on her phone, then lifted it to her ear as she tried to call. No answer.  
  
Hide didn’t get the chance to find out if she ever got a hold of him. He was cut off from her when the paramedics brought him into the hospital and the doctors took him for all types of tests. It seemed all his worries were pointless. He didn’t have any injuries than some bruised ribs, the two bites taken from his arm and shoulder, and the broken arm - which required a quick and uncomplicated surgery. Aside from that, it was just random scraps and bruises, and a couple fingernails he somehow managed to tear off while struggling.  
  
Before he knew it, the ordeal was over and he was sitting in recovery, covered in a blanket. He was rather helpfully informed that two TSC investigators were there to speak to him, and that he would be discharged the following morning. When he was wheeled into his room for the night - thankfully a private one - there were two people already waiting there for him.  
  
“Akira?” It had been years since Hide last saw the woman. He’d last reached out when he heard her father passed, but hadn’t gotten a response back.  
  
“Hide.” Akira ruffled his hair. “Still getting into trouble, I see.”  
  
Hide shrugged. “Blondes have more fun.”  
  
It was good to see her again, despite the circumstances. She looked smart in her business suit, and her longer hair suited her.  
  
“I was pretty surprised when I heard you were the one who got attacked. Didn’t have a change of heart and decided to start hunting ghouls?”  
  
Hide couldn’t help but wince. “No. You know my thoughts on that.” He hoped she still didn’t hold the same opinions on ghouls she used to. Especially considering she was working for the TSC.  
  
“I do.” She sat on the edge of his bed. She nodded to her partner, who discreetly left the room. Hide forced himself to look away from her. “I’m sorry, for not listening to you.”  
  
Hide whipped back to face her, hope growing in his chest. “It’s not every day Mado Akira admits she’s wrong.”  
  
Akira flicked him in the forehead. “Yeah, well don’t get used to it. That being said... there are still some very bad ghouls out there, and we need to find the one who did this to you.”  
  
Hide sighed. His mind was still foggy, but it didn’t matter much anyway. “I didn’t get a good look at him. Long, stringy brown hair. Pale skin - like sickly pale. Bad posture.” Hide frowned. “He was maybe a bit taller than me. But other than that, I don’t know.”  
  
“Okay.” Akira patted his thigh. “Did he say anything to you?”  
  
“Just that he’d been trying to get to me for a while. That he wanted me to suffer.” Hide held his broken arm a little closer. He wondered why the hell that ghoul was after him.  
  
“That sounds personal.”  
  
Hide couldn’t agree more. Kaneki thought there might be ghouls going after Hide to get to him. But the way that ghoul looked at Hide... he personally wanted to make Hide suffer, and more importantly, he wanted to kill him.  
  
“Do you know anything else?”  
  
Hide shook his head numbly.  
  
“It’ll be okay, I promise. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.” She patted Hide’s leg again. “The TSC has housing for people who need protection from ghouls while we investigate their cases. Or you could stay with me, if you wanted. Just like old times.”  
  
“That’s uh -“ While Hide would have liked to accept the offer... “I kind of should have it covered.”  
  
Akira sent him an unimpressed look. “Oh, like you had it handled today?”  
  
“Hey, I stabbed him in the eye!”  
  
Akira huffed. “I knew you purposefully failed all the CCG’s physical tests.” She shook her head. “But you wouldn’t have survived if Rabbit wasn’t there.” Hide was surprised she managed to say the name with a straight face, considering Hide knew from old reports that Touka was the one who killed her father. Maybe they had been forced to work together while at the TSC?  
  
“I know.” Hide was thankful Touka swooped down like a guardian angel in time to save his ass.  
  
“But you won’t get so lucky all the time. You need 24/7 guarding. High level, considering the ghoul managed to get away from Rabbit.”  
  
A little bead of sweat rolled down Hide’s cheek. “I really, really think I don’t need it.” Good god, she wasn’t going to let it go, was she? Hide couldn’t exactly say he was dating Kaneki, the One-Eyed King and not risk Akira finding out his identity. “I mean - I’d really rather not -“  
  
Akira narrowed her eyes at him. “What exactly are you hiding from me?”  
  
“Er... you know, it’s not really nice to badger an injured civilian in the hospital, right?”  
  
“Hide.”  
  
“Can’t you just let it go?”  
  
“Not a chance.” Akira folded her arms, settling her weight more evenly on the bed. “Guess I’ll just have to wait for you to crack.” She stared at him for a few minutes, hardly blinking. Hide fidgeted in his bed. The years had passed, but her glare was just as unnerving as ever.  
  
The silence was broken when the window slid open with a clack. Akira jumped up, jostling Hide painfully. Her briefcase was in her hand before Hide could even blink. Kaneki was straddling the window-ledge, halfway into the room and looking utterly perplexed.  
  
Akira didn’t lower her defensive stance; tightening her hand on the briefcase. Hide was surprised, and touched she was willing to stand between an SS-rated ghoul and him. Kaneki, still wearing his mask and dark clothes, peered around her at Hide. He saw Kaneki’s tense shoulders relax.  
  
Akira blocked off his line of site by stepping between them again. “What are you doing here?”  
  
Kaneki regarded her for a long moment, then sighed. Hide heard buckles undo as he took off his mask. “I’m here to make sure my boyfriend’s okay.” Then he simply stepped around her while she stood, shocked.  
  
“Hey.” Kaneki cupped Hide’s cheek with one hand, looking into his eyes. Unexpectedly, Hide found his starting to water. All the stress from the night was finally hitting him, and he was crumbling under the weight of it. Kaneki sat on the bed, closer to him than Akira had and very carefully hugged him. “It’s okay now.”  
  
Hide’s bruises ribs ached and his arm kept radiating pain despite the painkillers, but he leaned into Kaneki’s embrace anyway. He sobbed against Kaneki’s shoulder, wondering about what almost happened in the alley - and how if he died, he would never be able to see Kaneki again.  
  
~<3<3<3~  
  


While Touka was trying to contact him, Kaneki was crouched outside of an empty cell, blood splattered over the walls. The TSC’s prison was broken into, and a number of inmates were released. They rounded up most of them, but some were still on the run. But from what they gathered, the attack wasn’t random. The people who broke into the prison had a goal.

And that goal was Rize.

Judging by the blood in the cell, she hadn’t gone easily either.

Kaneki could only guess one reason she was taken.

There wasn’t much Kaneki could do anymore other than step aside and let the TSC’s forensics department take over. He headed out of the prison and met Tsukiyama back at his vehicle. He was relieved to get seated in the back. Kaneki reached into his bag and pulled out his phone, heart leaping into his throat when he saw countless missed messages and calls from Touka.

Kaneki couldn’t get to the hospital fast enough. He didn’t bother going through reception, instead scaling the outside of the building into the room Touka told him Hide would be in. He wasn’t expecting for Akira to be there, but it hardly mattered to him when he saw Hide peer around her, eyes wide and face pale.  
  
Akira knowing who he was meant nothing to him when Hide clearly needed him. When Hide sunk into his arms like he was a lifeline. When he cried and held onto Kaneki with his left hand, until the combination of exhaustion and lingering drugs in his system made him fall asleep.  
  
Kaneki ran his fingers through Hide’s hair. He looked him over, taking in the numerous bruises and scrapes, and then the more serious injuries - his bandaged shoulder and his casted arm. He set Hide down carefully, making sure his pillow was properly placed under his head, and that his blanket was pulled up so he wouldn’t get cold. He eased himself up, turning to face Akira, who had long gotten over her shock. Instead, she was staring at Kaneki contemplatively.  
  
“We need to talk,” he said. Whoever hurt Hide would pay dearly.


	14. An Overdue Conversation

Kaneki headed out of the hospital room, Akira on his heels. She closed the door quietly and leaned against the nearby wall. Her arms were crossed and her expression terse. She stared Kaneki down, saying nothing to him after he told her about his and Hide’s relationship.  
  
She sighed sharply. “You’re both idiots.” She started pacing, heels clicking loudly against the floor. “We definitely need to look into the possibility that Hide was attacked to get to you, or perhaps to distract you from whatever happened at the TSC prison today. But the fact is, that Hide’s parents used to be -“ she glanced towards Kaneki, wincing.  
  
“I know they used to be ghoul investigators. And that Hide worked for the CCG for a short time.” Kaneki leaned against the wall, crossed his arms and bit his lip. “Do you think...”  
  
“It’s a possibility. Ghouls have gone after the kids of investigators before, though it’s not common after such a long period. But it’s not a possibility we can dismiss.” Akira pinched the bridge of her nose. “Damn it. I’ll look into some old CCG files and see what I can find.”  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
“Don’t. I’m doing this for Hide. He’s like a brother to me.” Akira glanced back at Hide’s room. “An idiot brother who always bites off more than he can chew.”  
  
“A brother?”  
  
“He stayed with my father and I for a few months before the CCG moved him to the dorms. We stayed friends after that, but... it’s been a couple years since we’ve talked. I don’t blame him. You know how I used to be with hunting ghouls and well... you know how he is.”  
  
“You should let him get to know you as you are now.” Akira could be deceptively harsh and cold, but was actually warm and would do anything to protect her loved ones. Her standing between him and Hide case in point.  
  
“I can only hope he’ll let me.” Akira shook her head. “But that doesn’t mean I won’t work my ass off on this case. I will find out who attacked him and why. And they’ll pay for it.”  
  
“I couldn’t agree more.” Kaneki’s fists clenched. He wanted to tear apart whoever hurt Hide.  
  
Akira hummed, narrowing her eyes. “You know, I think we’ll get along just fine, Kaneki Ken.” She brushed off her clothes and picked her suitcase up from the floor. “I’ll have to talk this over with Amon. I can tell him to give you some privacy, but that will probably only keep him away for so long.”  
  
Kaneki winced. “It’s... it’s fine. He wants answers, so I’ll give them to him. Just... please convince him to wait for a bit... at least until Hide’s in better shape.” Kaneki wanted to spend at least the next few days with him and make sure he was okay. He was obviously shaken, aside from the physical trauma.  
  
“He tends to bounce back pretty quick,” Akira murmured. “Take good care of him, okay?”  
  
“Of course.” Kaneki stepped back into Hide’s room as Akira left, finding Hide awake and sitting up.  
  
“Making friends?” Hide asked, voice still thick with sleep.  
  
“You should be resting.” Kaneki hurried to him. He brushed Hide’s hair out of his face and looked into his eyes, which were still red and swollen from crying. “You doing okay?”  
  
“Yeah.” Hide swallowed thickly. “Just missing my bedmate.” He scooched over a bit so Kaneki could lie down beside him.

Kaneki laid down and Hide immediately curled himself against his chest. Kaneki pulled him close, careful not to aggravate his injuries. The countless bruises on his skin made that almost impossible, but Kaneki tried.

~<3<3<3~

Kaneki gave Hide a piggyback ride up the stairs to Kaneki’s apartment. They decided it would be best for Hide to stay there, rather than be alone at his own apartment when Kaneki couldn’t be with him. That way, when Kaneki wasn’t around, Hide could annoy the hell out of Touka.

Hide’s legs were fine and capable of carrying him up a few flights of stairs. However, a glance at the stairs and a little pout had Kaneki rolling his eyes and squatting so Hide could climb on his back. Hide grinned and pressed a couple small kisses to the back of Kaneki’s neck, making him squirm a little.

“You’re a menace.” Kaneki carried him carefully, so he didn’t jostle his various injuries. Hide was feeling pretty decent, a bottle of painkillers safely tucked away in his jacket pocket. But Kaneki was still babying him, which Hide was a little embarrassed to admit he enjoyed. Even if he wasn’t as physically hurt as Kaneki was treating him, he was still shaken up by the attack. Kaneki’s warmth made him feel safer.

Kaneki set him on the ground to open the door, but Hide kept his arms loosely draped over his shoulders, huddled close to his back. Once inside, Kaneki turned towards him with a cautious expression.

“How are you feeling?” Kaneki ran his fingers through his hair and – ugh.

“Kinda gross.” Hide frowned. “Like, I need a bath gross. I think there’s still blood in my hair.”

“I’ll run one.” Kaneki took Hide’s hand, guiding him to the bathroom.

Hide sat on the toilet as he watched Kaneki fill the tub, dumping a copious amount of lavender bubble bath inside. Sinking into the warm water would be welcome, especially with Kaneki. He could let the warmth chase away some of the cold settled deep into his chest. He could let the world fade away.

Hide pulled off his clothes as Kaneki finished, almost strangling himself in the process. He groaned as he eased into the water. It was almost too hot – just how Hide liked it.

“You too.” Hide tilted his head back and closed his eyes. He kept his broken arm resting on the rim of the tub.

“Me too?”

“Yeah.” Hide smiled. “Take your clothes off and get in? You’re not going to make me struggle all by myself, are you?”

Kaneki huffed. “You’re so demanding.” But he peeled of his clothes anyway.

Hide shifted forward so Kaneki could slide behind him. He sighed as he leaned back against Kaneki’s chest, Kaneki wrapping his arms around him.

“Better?” Kaneki asked.

Hide hummed.

“Good. Then let’s get to work on this hair.”

Hide kept his eyes closed and let Kaneki wet his hair. As Kaneki scrubbed it with shampoo, Hide relaxed more and more against him. Hide sighed happily after he rinsed it, feeling a little bit better.

Not at all good… but… better. He shoved down the unease in his stomach. “I’ve got to say, I’m really enjoying all the pampering.”

Hide turned and grinned. It fell as soon as he caught Kaneki’s serious expression. He investigated the bubbly water they were sitting in, suddenly thinking it wasn’t as good as a distraction as he hoped.

Kaneki rested his chin against Hide’s shoulder. “You don’t have to pretend you’re okay.”

Hide’s eyes watered. He turned, water sloshing as he pressed his face against Kaneki’s chest to stifle his sob. “I was so helpless.” Just like he always was.

Kaneki rubbed his back, but said nothing. There were no words that would make Hide feel better. There were no words that would erase the reality. Hide was a human – and when it came to ghouls, he was hardly left with a way to defend himself. He could have died then. He could have died when his CCG partner did. He could have died when his parents did.

He didn’t know how he made it so far. Or why.

Hide cried until he couldn’t anymore. He sniffled a little, using some of the bathwater to rinse his face. It was starting to get a little cool and his toes were more than pruned.

When he glanced up, Kaneki smiled softly. “Ready to get out?”

At Hide’s nod, Kaneki eased out from behind him and toweled off. Once he was finished and had his towel settled around his waist, he grabbed Hide’s towel and reached to help him up.

Hide took the towel shooed him away with a tiny smile. “I can handle _that_. Could you grab clothes? Something warm?”

Kaneki kissed his cheek before exiting. Hide’s legs felt like dead-weights when he stood, and it was a little awkward toweling off with one hand, but he managed.

Kaneki came back in sweats and a t-shirt. He brought the same for Hide, but in addition there was an oversized sweater that Hide never saw him wear. Hide managed fine with the sweats, but Kaneki had to help him with the t-shirt and sweater after watching Hide shove his head into the wrong hole three times.

All bundled up, Kaneki guided Hide to the couch, where he put on his favourite channel. Kaneki was barely settled beside him when there was a knock on his door. Hide stiffened, but Kaneki patted his thigh lightly and stood to answer.

To Hide’s surprise, there was a man he didn’t recognize carrying a bunch of bags. Kaneki signed for them and brought them inside, smiling a little sheepishly.

“I figured you might be staying here for a while, so I bought some essentials. You hungry?”

Hide wasn’t hungry. “I could eat.” But it would probably be a good idea to try anyway. He hardly had anything when he was at the hospital. “What are you making?”

“Chicken rice porridge. And some chocolate chip cookies, for your sweet-tooth.”

Hide’s stomach did rumble a bit. He settled more comfortably on the couch, watching Kaneki move around the kitchen with ease, humming a tune. He only came to the living room to scan his bookshelves and pick out a worn recipe book.

“Is it Touka’s?” Hide asked. He wondered if Yoriko gave it to her as a gift.

“Mine. From a long time ago.” Kaneki bit his lip and thumbed through the pages. “When I used to be human.”

“ _When you used to be_ –“ Hide groaned and squeezed his eyes shut. “When you used to be human. Right. Of course you were.” That made absolutely no sense at all. How the hell did someone become a ghoul?

“Sorry.” Kaneki walked back to the kitchen. “I should have told you sooner.”

“No, no. It’s okay.” Hide guessed it wouldn’t be easy to talk about. “…how? If I can ask?”

“You can.” Kaneki’s voice was soft. “There was a doctor. He conducted illegal experiments by transplanting ghoul’s kakuhous into humans. I was attacked by a ghoul when I was eighteen. He put her organs in me, and when I woke up –“ Kaneki shook his head. “Things were different.”

“Oh.” Hide’s throat felt like it was closing. He felt like such a child, to be so shaken by his own attack, when Kaneki’s seemed to have been so much worse.

“What’s wrong?” Kaneki crouched in front of him, wiping his tears from his eyes.

Hide adverted his gaze, but Kaneki didn’t move, and probably wouldn’t until he got an answer. “I just… I feel to childish, to be shaken by what happened to me, when you –“

“Hey.” Kaneki cupped Hide’s cheeks and urged him to look up. “None of that. You can’t… you’re hurt. You’re hurting, and you can feel as sad and as scared as you need to. I know what it’s like to be hurting, and I know it helps to have people you love there with you. I’ll be here for you. I won’t judge you for being scared. What happened was scary, and you didn’t deserve any of it. Okay?”

Hide nodded. Some of the aching in his chest eased. He motioned to the cooking book Kaneki set aside. “What was your favourite?”

“Hamburger steak.” Kaneki said immediately.

Hide remembered Kaneki’s happy, yet heartbreaking response to Hide cooking him the ghoul version of that meal and mentally thanked Tsukiyama twice over.

“I also liked curry and melon bread.” Kaneki wrinkled his nose. “I weirdly miss crappy cup ramen. I ate it like crazy when I was short on money.”

Hide didn’t know how he could replicate melon bread or ramen, but curry seemed very doable. He would have to talk to Tsukiyama again, when he had both hands to work with. But until then, he would enjoy the meals Kaneki cooked for him.

~<3<3<3~

Hide fell asleep on the couch not long after Kaneki started mixing the cookie dough. He snored quietly, his face completely relaxed for the first time since that morning. He was trying to put on a brave face, but it was wearing on him.

A knock on the door made Kaneki pause in his actions, brows furrowing. He wasn’t expecting anyone. Hide groaned from his place on the couch, so Kaneki hastily went to check who it was before they knocked again. He peeked and cursed under his breath.

Amon Koutarou.

Kaneki panicked. He was not prepared for this conversation. At all. He asked Akira to give them so time – and here Amon was the next fucking day.

Glaring, Kaneki yanked open the door. “Amon Koutarou.” Kaneki let every bit of annoyance he could muster slip into his voice. “You just couldn’t leave well enough alone, could you?”   
  
The look on Amon’s face would have been funny, if Kaneki wasn’t so upset with him. He was standing there in the doorway, suitcase in hand, eyes wide. Kaneki resisted the urge to shut the door in his face and instead stepped aside to let him in. Amon glanced around the apartment discretely, no doubt taking note of Hide passed out on the couch.

“Did Akira not ask you to leave us be?” Kaneki strode back to the kitchen and checked to make sure the rice porridge wasn’t burning.

“She did.” Amon set his suitcase to the side – out of reach. Probably trying not to seem threatening in Kaneki’s home. “But I also figured you would want these as soon as possible.” Amon gestured to the files. “The ghouls Hide’s parents hunted… this is all the information we have on them.”

“A peace offering, then?” Kaneki dolled the dough out onto the cookie sheets.

“You could say that.”

“Coffee?” Kaneki started making a pot. It would be nice to have something to drink once all the food was done. He wondered if Amon would stay for supper. He made more than what Hide could eat.

“Coffee would be good.” Amon was out of his element, and uncomfortable sitting in Kaneki’s kitchen.

Kaneki put the cookies in the oven, knowing the rice porridge would be done around the same time. “If you have questions for me, it would be best to ask them now.” Kaneki nodded towards Hide. “I don’t want to go over files that might regard Hide’s past without him.”

Amon opened his mouth. Shut it. He took a sudden interest in Kaneki’s table. “You’re younger than I expected,” he murmured.

Kaneki smirked. “Was it my hair?”

Amon ran a hand over his face. “No – that’s not –“ He sighed. “It’s just that…” Amon gestured towards Hide. “I knew him, when he was younger. He was in some of the courses at the CCG’s academy that I was a guest speaker at. I also know him through Akira, and… he’s just barely an adult. You too. You’re so young, but you have the hopes and expectations of the whole ghoul population of Tokyo on your shoulders.”

“It’s not a responsibility I take lightly.” Kaneki said. “Even though I’ve only been a member of the ghoul underground for a few years.” Kaneki poured Amon a cup of coffee, pulling out the cream and sugar he’d put away only an hour or so earlier. He settled across the table from Amon, his own cup cradled in his hands.

“Since you were eighteen.” Amon frowned. “I read the file Kanou had multiple times, but it didn’t really say what happened to you aside from the medical aspect. You turned from a human to a ghoul. What as that transition like?”

Kaneki smiled wistfully. “I was a literature student at Kamii University – trying to make it through the first year of studies for the first time.” He was happy to be back at school. “After the surgery, I struggled. I didn’t know what was going on with my body. Food began to taste worse and worse… and I developed a different type of appetite. I was in denial for a while, even though I knew what I became. The ghouls at Anteiku found me and helped me before I starved. Before I hurt anyone.” He still missed Anteiku and spending long hours with Touka criticizing his coffee-making.

Amon had his eyes squeezed shut, like he was in pain. “I’m… glad, that you were able to find people to help.”

“Yes,” Kaneki pursed his lips. “But the CCG kept trying to kill them.”

Amon flinched. He was partially at fault for that.

“Some things changed.” There was no way Kaneki was going into detail about what happened with Aogiri. “I dropped out of school and focused on… trying to make the world a better place. Less wrong. Though I was naïve in my attempts back then. They didn’t really amount to anything.”

“Are you sure?”

Kaneki glanced up sharply.

Amon shrugged his shoulders. “You say they didn’t amount to anything… but you’ve accomplished a lot over the past couple years. You’ve changed life in Tokyo and improved ghoul-human relationships more than anyone could have thought possible. Even if what you did back then didn’t amount to what you accomplished today, doesn’t mean it didn’t amount to the person you’ve become. And the person you became accomplished a hell of a lot.”

Kaneki smiled softly. He supposed Amon was right, in a way.

“I wish I’d known. Back then, maybe I could have –“ Amon’s hand tightened dangerously around his cup. It seemed he already know the answer to his speculations.

“What could you have done?” Kaneki shook his head. “Nothing would have changed. The only thing that would have been different is that you would have felt better about yourself now – if you believed me, that is. Would you have? Would you have given me a chance back then?”

“I don’t know.”

Kaneki sighed. “We shouldn’t waste time on what-ifs. What matters right now is what is – and what we do about it. We can’t change the past, but we can always change the future.”

The pad of feet had Kaneki turning to see Hide, broken arm cradled to his chest as he wiped the sleep out of his eyes with his other hand. “I smell cookies. They aren’t burning, are they?”

Kaneki swore and hurried to pull them out of the oven. Thankfully they were only slightly overdone, but not burnt. He doled out some rice porridge for both Hide and Amon. He set the still warm cookies on a plate in the centre of the table and got himself another cup of coffee.

Hide eyed the files Amon set on the table earlier. “About my parents?” At Amon’s nod, he looked oddly resigned. “Well, let’s get this over with then.”


	15. Interlude - Hide - Part A

“Nagachika - just get out of here. I’ll send word to headquarters to get your contract revoked.”  
  
“Marude! Come on.” Hide had to really put in an effort to sound upset. “It can’t be that bad this time!”  
  
“I don’t know how you managed it, but the printer was on fire, Nagachika, on fire. The fire, which spread to the nearby filing and destroyed weeks - no, months - worth of work for our department.” Marude didn’t even look angry, simply defeated. “Please get out, and don’t come back.”  
  
“Right. My sincerest apologies.” Hide backed out of Marude’s office. And he even managed to tear up a little. Nothing like tears to sell a performance.  
  
“Don’t touch anything on the way out.” Marude grumbled.  
  
Hide resisted the urge to skip when he got out on the street. Maybe, finally, he would be fired from the CCG. He did terribly. Really. He truly did. He was taken in by them when he was ten, and sent to their academy. In exchange for their advance curriculum and training, Hide was contractually obligated to work for them for four years, beginning at the age of sixteen. Unless, otherwise terminated.  
  
At eighteen years old, things were starting to look up. Honestly, he was surprised they hadn’t let him go sooner. He was terrible in the academy outside of normal classes, just barely managing to scrap along and do the bare minimum to maintain his enrolment. Combat? Hide couldn’t help that he was as graceless as a newborn fawn. Technology? Computers crashed the moment he touched them. It wasn’t his fault. Really, he didn’t know why!  
  
And printers accidentally lit on fire and destroyed important documents? Really, it must have been faulty wiring!  
  
After his falling out with Akira, due to their conflicting opinions on ghouls, Hide was thankfully sent to work in the twentieth ward - a ward known for being peaceful, with low ghoul activity. But no matter where you went in Tokyo, there were ghouls. But the ones hunted in this ward usually ended up being the elderly or with families. Families with children. They were peaceful ghouls not causing havoc like others did. And Hide was a firm believer that not all ghouls were evil - they were just trying to survive too. And if Hide could delay the CCG and give them more time, then he damn well would.  
  
It was the least he could do – to make up for what his dads did.  
  
By the time Hide was home, he was already getting called by headquarters. He half expected to be fired on the spot, but was instead further downgraded to being a part-time delivery boy. Hide hadn’t even known that job existed in the CCG. Hide could have lamented his non-firing, but it was probably for the best anyway. He could keep tabs on a few things like that.  
  
He shrugged and logged onto his computer. After quickly applying to Kamii University, he hacked into the CCG database. Time to change some very minor, but important details.  
  
Two more years of service, huh? Hide smiled to himself. It wasn’t all so bad, he supposed.  
  
~<3<3<3~  
  
At sixteen, Hide was beginning his four years of service to the CCG. He graduated from the academy, but was still taking supplementary courses. Instead of being back at the academy, he was sent to a regular school, where it was expected one of his classmates-to-be was a ghoul. He was to root them out, where his partner for the investigation, an older and higher-class CCG operative would take them out.  
  
Hide hated every second of it. He didn’t like manipulating people, despite how easy it was for him. He hated acting, though that seemed what his life had become. Even his best friend of many years wasn’t an exception to his lies.

Akira sat across him from in the café, bragging about the latest case she was assisting on. She was going on and on about the vital information she found about the suspect, leading to the main investigator on the case making the kill – which she witnessed. She was excited, for a reason unknown to Hide. She couldn’t wait to be the one wielding the quinque – the one making the killing blows – the one taking potentially innocent lives.

It nauseated Hide. He didn’t know how much longer he could hold out.

“And how is your first assignment going?” Akira started shoving a second croissant in her mouth. “Heard they sent you to a high school.”

Hide groaned. “Don’t remind me.”

“Oh come on. It must be exciting. I couldn’t get an undercover case until I had a year experience. And you get assigned to one right away? I’m jealous.”

“Yeah.”

Akira sighed, kicking him under the table. “Besides, infiltration was one of the few things you scored well in while in the academy. So, chin up. And don’t fuck this up.”

“I won’t _fuck it up_ , Akira.” He just hated what he was doing.

He was ordered to a school in the nineteenth ward, where one of the students was suspected of being a ghoul. They couldn’t narrow down who it was, and while they very well could check the records of RC levels with all the students, it would be time consuming. More likely than not, the ghoul they were hunting would escape before they could find them.

That was where Hide came in – posing as a regular student. He was to observe the others and help narrow down the search. Ghouls were generally loners and couldn’t stomach human food. If he searched well enough, he would be able to identify less than a dozen possible suspects.

He’d done this type of thing before, even if he wasn’t aware of it then.

“I just don’t know how well I’ll do.” Hide didn’t want to do well at all. He didn’t want any part of this type of thing, especially since he’d been tricked into signing a contract as a kid. He would do the bare minimum required of him.

“You’ll do fine.” Akira brushed some crumbs off her chest. “Just don’t slack off.”

“Me? Slack off? _Never_.”

“I’m serious, Hide.” Akira fixed him with a glare that made his back straighten. “This isn’t the academy anymore. This is real life. And it comes with risks. And you’re not nearly as invincible as the ghouls we hunt. So be careful. Stay alert and don’t let your guard down.”

“I’m well aware of the risks.” Hide pushed down his rising anger. Akira was concerned for him, and no matter how harsh she could be, what she said came from a place of love. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

“I always will. You know that.” She finished the rest of her drink and stood. “I have to get back to work. Don’t forget to do your research for tomorrow.”

Hide’s research consisted of the files of the students in his homeroom. He was to start by ruling them out as suspects, then move onto the rest of the students in the school by his discretion. There were about 30 files to read and Hide hardly started.

Because of his procrastination, Hide stayed up until three in morning going over the files, curled up on his bed. He had an early morning on top of that, meeting a couple of the teachers that had cooperated with the CCG before. He needed to see if he could gleam any additional information. The next morning, with his second can of coffee in his hand and bag on his back, he made his way to homeroom.

Overall, his classmates were incredibly boring. They all had their own cliques, except for a couple of loners. The first few classes drifted by without incident. Hide walked around during lunch, introducing himself to his various year-mates, paying special attention to those in his homeroom. He eyed their eating habits, attitudes and reactions to him. Overall, nothing seemed to out of the ordinary. There were a few people he couldn’t rule out, like one girl who didn’t eat too much, or one boy that disappeared during lunch. Hide made note of them, though he doubted it was either of them.

He trusted his gut, and his gut said _no_.

Everyone in his class was exceedingly normal. There were a few interesting people, but Hide wasn’t there to make friends, especially since he was technically there to get at least one student killed.

Hide took the last few minutes of lunch to relax and catch some fresh air outside. He sat on the steps by the school’s athletic fields. It was a nice spring day and the air was crisp, but not too cold. There were some other students around shouting with excitement and playing various games with their last bit of free time before they were back in class.

If Hide closed his eyes, he could imagine he was a normal student. That this was his school, and he wasn’t trained by the CCG. He could imagine he was heading home that afternoon to his family – no matter how flawed.

“Hey, new kid.” A boy Hide didn’t recognize stood before him. His gaze was sharp, but his smile playful.

He was attractive – probably one of the more athletic boys – and was dressed neatly. “Hey, yourself.”

The boy grinned wider. “I’m Takashi. Thought I’d come over and say hi. We get a lot of new students all the time, but not all are as cute as you.” Takashi waggled his eyebrows.

Hide snorted. Was he really being that obvious when he checked him out? “I’m Hide.” He gave Takashi another appraisal. “And you’re not bad yourself.”

“So what brings you here?” Takashi sat next to him on the steps. “You didn’t get kicked out of your last school, did you?”

Hide ran a hand through his bleached hair. “What would ever make you think that? I’m hardly a delinquent.”

“Hardly.” Takashi rolled his eyes. “So you wouldn’t be up for skipping class with me?”

“Unfortunately, no.” As much as Hide would have liked to, he did have responsibilities. Or at least, he had to be able to prove he was putting time and dedication into his job.

“After school then. Let’s grab a bite to eat.”

Now, that was something Hide could do. He could have some free time to himself. In addition, he would be able to rule out Takashi as a suspect by going out with him. Win, win.

Hide said where to meet him after classes were over, then continued about his day a little happier. It was easier to do his job when he had something to look forward to. He idly took notes during class, even though he’d already gone through all the courses while at the CCG academy. He had to pretend to be a normal student as to not arouse suspicion.

He couldn’t help but grin when he met up with Takashi. He took Hide a nearby café, where they had some coffee and sandwiches. Takashi was expressive when he talked about the sports he was involved in, gesturing wildly enough to illicit glares from the workers. Hide matched his exuberance.

Hide couldn’t exactly pin what it was – but something about Takashi felt off.

Takashi offered to walk him home, but Hide refused, knowing he would blow his cover if anyone found out he was staying at the CCG dorms. He was left with a light touch on the small of his back and a more honest smile from Takashi.

He returned home to review his files and add annotations, finding himself looking forward to tomorrow, if only to see Takashi. A friend – or at least as close to one as Hide could have – would make his time at the school more bearable. And, maybe he would able to figure out what about Takashi was rubbing him the wrong way.

~<3<3<3~

He was no closer to finding the ghoul at school after two weeks. His partner, Kazehiro, was beginning to get a little annoyed with the lack of results, requesting an emergency meeting later that afternoon.

Hide wondered if he would be taken off the case for not doing a good job, or maybe for dating Takashi. Although, neither was the reason Hide wasn’t finding the ghoul. He was doing a good job. And while Takashi was fun to be around, the sad truth was that Hide didn’t care all that much about him. He wouldn’t allow himself to. He couldn’t get attached to anyone at the school when he could be assigned in a different ward the following week.

Still, when Takashi met him after class with a sweet kiss, Hide couldn’t help but smile. When Takashi asked him to follow, he did. Hide followed him to the boy’s locker room. It was a usual spot for them, since Takashi knew the schedule off by heart and could get them an hour of privacy here and there.

Takashi kissed him again, immediately untucking Hide’s shirt so he could shove his hands up it. Hide laughed in response. Lately, it seemed all Takashi wanted to do was get physical. Not that Hide minded, but he was beginning to understand why Takashi rubbed him the wrong way. All his softness was faked, and so was all his kindness. He only really wanted on thing.

“Sorry,” Hide pushed Takashi’s hands away. “I’ve got to be somewhere. Next time?”

Takashi pouted. “Where do you have to be? You don’t have any extracurriculars today.”

Hide frowned at him. “I’m allowed to have other things to do.”

Takashi held his hands up. “Chill, man. I’m just curious.”

Hide rolled his eyes, thinking of a quick lie. “It’s my dad. He’s not to happy with some of my grades and is threatening to cut my allowance.”

“Your grades are almost perfect.”

“Not perfect enough.”

Takashi hummed. “And I thought your dad lived overseas?”

Hide narrowed his eyes. “Yeah, well he’s back for a visit.” Takashi was standing between him and the door. “Can I go now?”

Takashi stepped out of his way.

~<3<3<3~

Hide met with Kazehiro, who despite being displeased with Hide’s incompetence, was still kind. He brought Hide some hot chocolate and a sandwich, which he snacked on as they walked back to the CCG dorms.

They went over the case in detail, even though Hide already put everything into his reports. It was getting tedious to repeat himself. Still, he remained professional and answered Kazehiro’s redundant questions.

They were passing down a residential street when Kazuhiro grabbed Hide by the wrist, making him drop his food. He spun Hide around so he was behind him, quinque drawn. Hide peered around him as a ghoul came into view, stature recognizable. Hide’s eyes widened and heaviness filled the pit of his stomach.

“Takashi.” His legs shook, but he felt like he was rooted to the ground. He couldn’t move.

Takashi grinned. “Thanks for leading me to your partner, babe.” His eyes were hard, not betraying any of the playfulness he’d shown Hide just an hour before. His kakugan flared to life, a feral grin twisting his expression. His expression was flat as his eyes cut to Hide’s, then back to Kazuhiro. “You just can’t leave me alone, can you?” Takashi sneered. “I didn’t do anything to you.”

“You’re a ghoul,” Kazuhiro said, as if that answered everything.

“I just want to live.”

Kazuhiro lunched out with his quinque. “So do we.”

Takashi ducked out of the way, his kagune forming around the guinque before Kazuhiro could draw it back. Takashi strolled forward leisurely, bikaku still firmly wrapped around the quinque. Kazuhiro pulled with all his might, but he couldn’t free it, not even as the sword-like weapon cut gouges into the flesh.

“You go on and on about us being murderers. Well, you’re no better. At least I don’t kill children, but you can’t say the same, can you?” He continued his stalk forward, forcing Kazuhiro back, and by extension, Hide.

Hide’s back collided with the wall of a building. There was nowhere left for him to go. His breath shook and his fingers trembled. All of what Takashi was saying made sense, but Hide didn’t want to die either.

Takashi’s gaze landed on him. “And you’re no better.” His kagune tore the quinque from Kazuhiro’s grip, tossing it aside. Hide heard bones breaking, and a shrill scream. Takashi’s teeth tore into his jugular.

If anything, it was a quick death.

Hide stumbled away from the splattering blood. Everything felt strangely far away, like he was looking and hearing through a film. Kazuhiro was bloodied beyond recognition as Takashi tore into his face and neck. There was no noise except the tearing or flesh and smacking lips as Takashi ravenously chewed.

Hide moved away slowly, but Takashi’s eyes snapped to him.

“And _you_. Don’t think you’ll be getting away.” Takashi had blood running all the way down his front. Even his hair was covered in the arterial spray. His teeth gleamed in the dark. Hide had no doubts about his fate.

Hide tripped over something and landed hard on his ass and wrist. Takashi descended on him like he was prey. Hide couldn’t help the strangled noise he made when Takashi grabbed him by the chin and forced him to look up.

“You’re worse. Like a wolf in sheep’s clothing.”

Hide grit his teeth, tears building in his eyes. “And you did the same. You pretended to be my friend.”

“I would _never_ befriend a dove. You all think you’re morally superior – that you have some ground to stand on while you judge us. You _don’t_. And this?” Takashi pressed their lips together, tightening his hold on Hide’s face so he couldn’t turn away. Hide tasted Kazehiro’s blood. “This was a means to an end. I had to protect myself. I had to protect the people I love. Getting close to you to do that was an easy decision.”

“Please don’t.” Hide turned his face away finally. He saw a glint of metal at his side – Kazuhiro’s quinque. “I don’t want this – I’ve never wanted this. Please don’t.” Hide reached down and grasped the cold handle.

“It’s too late for that.” Takashi gripped the front of Hide’s shirt and yanked him towards him, mouth opening wide.

His eyes widened and he choked.

“I’m sorry,” Hide whispered.

His hands shook around the quinque he drove through Takashi’s chest. Takashi stared down in disbelief, then crumbled to the side. He hit the ground with a thump, his face twisted in pain. For one frightening moment, Takashi pulled the sword from his chest and almost stood again. But the damage was too much. His lips moved but Hide couldn’t hear a sound.

Then he was dead.

Hide killed him.

He didn’t know how long he sat there, staring at the two bodies in front of him.

His phone rang. Hide numbly pulled it out of his pocket and answered.

“Hey, Hide. I was wondering if you wanted to get a bite to eat tonight. I _need_ the details on your first case. Are you having fun?” Akira. Or course it was Akira. “Hide? Hello, are you there?”

Hide sobbed. He clutched the phone with both hands to his ear and sobbed. He could hardly get out his location when Akira asked. The next few minutes were a blur. Then Akira was there, hands on his shoulders, assuring him that help was on the way.

“You did good. Really good.” She wiped the blood off Hide’s face with a handkerchief. “You killed the bastard.”

Hide stared down at the quinque still at his side. He gagged. Akira rubbed his back as he emptied his stomach on the pavement.

Hide knew what would happen next. Takashi’s body would be recovered for his quinque. Kazehiro’s body would be recovered for his funeral. And Hide – he would be praised for murder. Unlikely promoted, but definitely put into more combat situations where he would be forced to take people’s lives.

“I can’t do it.” Hide pushed to his feet. He grabbed the quinque again, making his way over to Kazehiro’s body.

Akira followed after him. “What do you mean, you can’t do it?”

Hide placed the quinque in Kazehiro’s hand. “I never killed him. Kazehiro protected me, and died a hero. And me? I was the one who got him killed. I was useless in the fight. Unfit for combat.”

“Hide…”

_“Please_ , Akira.” Hide looked into her eyes.

She bit her lip, glancing down at Kazehiro. “You aren’t thinking clearly. They say losing a partner is a big shock. There’s people you can talk to.”

“ _I don’t want this,_ ” Hide cried. “I _never_ wanted this. I’m not like you. I don’t want to kill people.”

“Ghouls aren’t people.” Akira glared down at him.

Hide returned it. “They are to me.”

“I should report you for saying that.”

“Will you?”

Akira stared down at him, her expression twisting. “No. Damn it, I won’t.” She turned away, covering her mouth with her hand. “Fine. _Fine_. I’ll lie for you.”


	16. Interlude - Hide - Part B

After his parents died when he was ten, the Mados took him in. Akira was a foot taller than him, staring at him curiously as her father carried Hide’s meager luggage through the door. Hide had his pillow under his uninjured arm. It was covered in different manga characters. His parent bought it for his eighth birthday and he couldn’t sleep without it.

His living with the Mados was temporary. When he started going to the academy in a couple months, he would be moved into the dorms, but the CCG believed it would be best for him to have some… positive guidance before he was sent for training. It was years later that Hide realized that Mado Kureo was also given the task of gently extracting more information about the attack on Hide’s parents, since Hide didn’t say much about what happened.

Kureo was a good investigator by the CCG standards, but in Hide’s opinion, he was a terrible person. He took much joy in causing ghouls pain. However, he was a good father to Akira, and he was a good temporary caregiver to Hide as well.

Hide felt numb most of the time. He awoke from nightmares in the dark, crying when he realized his parents would never come to comfort him again. Instead, it was Akira who would hear him and come slip into his bed. Her bedroom was right next to his, and the walls were quite thin. She’d wrap him up in her arms and Hide would bury his face into her chest as he sobbed.

Kureo would wake them in the morning with breakfast, and when he was too busy to cook, Akira would take over. Sometimes Hide felt like he couldn’t eat, so they made sure to put some away later when he could stomach it.

When Kureo went to work, Akira sat with Hide at the kitchen table and went over school work with him. School was on break, but she had homework, and she loved to explain how to do it to Hide, even though it was years too advanced for him.

But it got his mind off his parents, and he was desperate for attention, so he took anything Akira had to offer. They sat at the table for hours, Hide sometimes opting to doodle or read when Akira got too into her work to teach him.

Other times they would go outside and play, although that was more for Hide’s benefit than Akira’s. Still she played along. Hide loved his fantasy and always chose to be magician when they were playing. Akira, however, refused the role of princess and decided to be a knight. Together her and Hide slayed dragons and fought bandits.

Hide loved her. He idolized and wanted to be like her. She was confident, seemingly good at everything, and very kind. She always knew what to do to make Hide feel better. Hide didn’t know it then, but she had her flaws too. Flaws that would eventually drive them apart.

But Hide, at ten, having lost everything, latched onto her for dear life.

Akira and Hide were out shopping for groceries one afternoon, Kureo busy with a case at work. It had been ongoing for weeks, and the food in the fridge was getting scarce. He left money on the counter for Akira, knowing she was responsible enough to get what was on the list.

She took Hide along with her. Hide had gone with his parents a few times and was excited to tag along. He pointed to the brighter and more colourful items on the shelves excitedly, while Akira more responsibly chose the less expensive and extravagant items. However, by the time they were done shopping, they had some money left. Akira gave into one of Hide’s requests with a shake of the head and a smile.

Once they were home and the groceries were put away, they headed to the bathroom.

“Stay still,” Akira said. “Dad will be disappointed if we get it everywhere.”

Hide stopped squirming, even though his scalp itched. Akira paused to read the instructions a sixth time before separating another lock of Hide’s hair and applying the bleach. Hide could see in the mirror that parts of his hair were already lightening. He was excited, hoping it would turn out as light as Akira’s hair. They waited a while after Akira was done applying the bleach. Once washed out, Hide’s hair had a few dark patches, and some of his ends were fried, but he was blonde. More of an orange-blonde, but still blonde, at least by his books.

Although it was just his wishful thinking. Years later, he started getting his hair done professionally, and it looked much better.

Still, when Akira lent Hide a couple butterfly clips, he couldn’t be happier. He ran his fingers through his hair, grinning. Hide placed the butterfly clips at random, making Akira laugh. She made Hide sit again, then twisted portions of his hair before clipping them. Hide had to admit she did a much better job than him.

After they finished cleaning, they prepared dinner. Kureo didn’t come back until later that night, after Hide and Akira had already eaten. They were already in their pajamas and getting ready for bed. He ruffled their hair before getting himself the dinner they put away for him.

It was only one month later that Hide was moved into the CCG dorms, and started his schooling. More than anything, his time was spent training. He had his regular studies, but in addition there were ghoul studies, as well as physical conditioning and combat training. He had hardly any free time left. Not while the CCG was busy training him to be a soldier.

Akira and Hide remained friends for many years afterwards.

~<3<3<3~

Months earlier, Hide’s childhood resembled a normal one. He went to school like any other kid. Except, he had two dads. His one dad was his biological one. He used to have a mom too, but she was killed by a ghoul long before Hide was old enough to remember her. This tragedy caused his father to join the CCG. While he wasn’t the best a combat, he worked in intelligence. He was happy his work was saving lives – or so he believed. His dad met his other dad while working. His other dad was a field investigator, although low ranking.

Hide remembered when they first started dating. He was around five or six, and his dad was smiling a lot more than usual. Hide didn’t remember when he was first introduced to his other dad, but he quickly became an important part of Hide’s life, treating Hide as if he was his own child.

Hide loved when he would pick him up and set him on his shoulders. He also made the best yakisoba. Sometimes, he let Hide help out in the kitchen, making him promise not to share his secret yakisoba recipe with anyone. Every time he came over, he would bring little presents for Hide, sometimes as simple as a piece of chocolate.

When he moved into their house, Hide couldn’t have been happier. The first time Hide called him dad, his face lit up. He picked up Hide and spun him around, making him giggle and flail his legs.

They had dinners nightly at the table. One of his dads were always home, and always made sure Hide was well taken care of. They asked him about school, and they asked him about the students there. They wanted to know if he was adjusting well, and if he made any new friends.

Hide always moved a lot with his dads’ work, but he didn’t mind. He was always sad to leave his friends behind, but so long as he had his dads, he was happy.

He told his dads about the other students. His dads always praised his for his observations, which only made Hide try harder. He liked watching people anyway, and he liked the way his dads praised him. It made him feel special and important.

It took years for Hide to realize they were using him in their investigations. They were observing his classmates, trying to uncover any ghouls that were pretending to be human. And Hide was helping them narrow down their search. He was doing it unknowingly, driven by his need to please his dads, but he was doing it.

When his classmates were killed for being ghouls, it was his fault. After Hide had been working with the CCG for a couple years, he suspected it. But when Amon brought in the files on his parents, his suspicions were confirmed. Hide played a major role in some of their investigations, mentioned by name in the papers. It was likely why the CCG scouted him after his parents died, and why they got him to sign that contract before he was even out of the hospital with his injuries.

They had high hopes for Hide as an investigator, but thankfully Hide let them down in every way possible.

His parents’ death happened when Hide was finishing up the school year, looking forward to summer break. Summer break usually meant going to the beach with his dads, eating plenty of popsicles, and staying up late reading comics.

He was friends with a young girl named Suki. She was quiet, and didn’t smile too much. So whenever Hide managed to get her to, it felt special. She hardly ate any lunch, saying softly that she didn’t like to, and that it hurt her stomach. Hide frowned and said that his dads told him it was unhealthy to skip meals.

When he told his dads that he was worried about her, they patted his head and told him they would take care of it. The next day Suki was gone, and their homeroom teacher had a tense expression when she told the class that Suki transferred.

Hide was devastated. He thought it was his fault that his friend left, and that he offended her in some way. Later, after his parents died, he believed she was dead. He was too scared to investigate, read the old reports and see that he caused his death. However, the reports Amon held told a different story.

Indeed, Hide’s dads went after Suki, but she managed to escape after another ghoul interfered. Hide’s dads believed it was her mother. When Hide’s dads were killed later that night, their reports were stolen, although there was a notepad left in the kitchen, where Hide’s one dad would sometimes write down details so he didn’t forget them.

They didn’t have the mother’s description, only the daughter’s. That was why the investigator pushed Hide so hard for a description. One that Hide couldn’t give.

After the day at school, Hide returned home crying. He was worried about Suki, and his dads fed him lies. That she was in a bad position at home, and that she went to live with another family. They told Hide that she would be happy there, but Hide just wanted to know why she couldn’t come live with them. His dads just smiled and told him that they were sorry, but that it was for the best, and that someday, Hide would understand.

They made Hide turn in early that night, reading him his favourite bedtime stories. They made sure his favourite pillow was fluffed under his head, and that he had his old, ratty, stuffed tiger tucked under his arm. Hide hadn’t slept with it for years, but it still brought him a sense of comfort, though he claimed he was too old for it.

As he drifted off to sleep, he heard his parents talking in the kitchen. They spoke in low voices, Hide unable to make out what they were saying. However, the noise was comforting. Until there was a shout, and the breaking of glass.

Hide bolted up in bed, clutching his tiger to his chest with wide eyes. There was a grunt in the kitchen, followed by the sound of more glass breaking. Hide heard a strangled cry, followed by rasping breaths. Hide heard a scream, so unlike anything he’d ever heard before. He chilled him to his bones, and made tears fill his eyes. His heart thundered in his chest. He couldn’t help but whimper.

Still, he pushed to his feet, hardly making a noise as he scurried to his bedroom door. He cracked it open and peered out, the hallway dark and empty. But there were more sounds of struggle from the kitchen, and his dad’s voice, so harsh and rough it was almost unrecognizable. There were a couple more crashes, more glass breaking, then the sound of something ripping.

Then everything was silent, save for a steady plopping noise. It reminded Hide of when their bathtub tap was leaking, dripping water into the already filled tub when Hide bathed.

Tears ran down Hide’s cheeks. He crept forward until he saw the kitchen. The lights were still on, but most of everything else was broken. The cabinets were destroyed, and the table and chairs were overturned. Red splattered the walls.

Hide’s biological father was sprawled out on the ground. He was face down, and he wasn’t moving. He had a hole through the center of his back.

There was the sound of something tearing, then a strangled gasp. Blood was pooling from the other side of the overturned table. Hide walked around it slowly, blood soaking into his socks. His other dad was laying there, head turned to the side. His eyes were open, but he didn’t really seem to be seeing anything. There was a woman sitting on his chest. She bent down and tore out a piece of his throat. His dad coughed up blood.

The woman grinned, chewing the flesh in her mouth. The upper part of her face was covered by a white mask. It was splatted with blood. As she tore into his throat again, Hide couldn’t help the whimper that escaped him.

Before she whipped her head up to look at him, her kagune swung out. With Hide still holding his tiger to his chest, her kagune hit his arm. Hide heard a snap as his tiger fell to the bloodied ground. It was the worst pain Hide felt. He cried and clutched at his arm, curling up the ground. More blood soaked into his clothes.

The woman crouched in front of him, and Hide squeezed his eyes shut. He cried harder and turned away from her. She scooped him off the ground, surprisingly gentle even when Hide trashed in her arms. She carried him out of the kitchen and into the living room, where she set him down on the couch.

“I’m sorry.” She spoke softly through bloodied lips. “I didn’t know your dads had a son.” She prodded Hide’s torso with her hands. “Are you hurt anywhere?”

Hide just sobbed more and clutched his arm protectively.

“Okay,” she whispered sadly. “Okay. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

His dads were lying dead in the kitchen and she was sorry.

She lifted Hide again, but he was too tired to fight that time. As they passed through the kitchen, she made Hide turn his face against her shoulder, so he couldn’t see. Except he already had. He would never forget what his dad looked like sprawled boneless on the ground. He would never forget his other dad’s vacant expression, already almost dead as his throat was torn out.

And he would never forget the warmth of the woman who did it. She carried him all the way to the hospital, whispering apologies the entire time. Hide’s hair whipped in the wind as they traveled across the rooftops, the woman’s kagune helping her along. She held onto Hide tightly, but he couldn’t help but be terrified that should would drop him, and that he would plummet to his death.

He was scared she would kill him too.

When they were by the hospital, she set Hide down. “I can’t go the rest of the way with you. Can you walk?”

Hide cried.

“I’m sorry,” she kept repeating.

There was a shout, probably from a nearby pedestrian who spotted them. The woman hurried away, and then there were numerous people surrounding him. People were talking, but Hide hardly paid attention to what was happening. Before he knew it, someone brought him the rest of the way to the hospital. Then he was being taken care of by the doctors. They took him for some scans, and they casted his broken arm. There were a few cuts Hide had, on his face and on his feet, probably from all the broken glass in the kitchen. They stitched and patched him up.

They asked him questions. They asked his name. They asked who they could contact for him. They asked about his dad. They asked about his mom. He gave them his name, but could only cry in response to the other questions.

A female nurse stayed with him in a private room until the CCG came. They asked him more questions, and they were far less kind about it than the doctors. He curled against the female nurse, hiding his face as they asked for the female ghoul’s description.

Hide couldn’t remember much about her – except for her white mask and the grin on her bloodied lips. He couldn’t tell them what her hair colour was, or the tone of her skin. He couldn’t tell her height. He didn’t want to think about her. He wanted to go to bed. He wanted to wake up and for everything to go back to the way it was before.

Except it wouldn’t. Things would never be the same for Hide again. The CCG operatives brought in a thick stack of papers – a contract – they told him they would have somewhere safe he could stay. Somewhere he could have a family and be happy.

At ten years old, they passed him a pen and nodded encouragingly. Hide took it, and with his non-dominant hand, signed his name.


	17. An Inevitable Meeting

After Amon left, Hide curled back up on the couch. He cried a couple times when they were going over the files, but kept himself relatively composed. Amon paused sometimes to give Hide a moment to gather himself, particularly when there was something his parents did that was hard to hear. Kaneki held Hide’s hand the entire time, offering it a squeeze when he felt Hide stiffen, or heard his breaths shake.

Amon kept the worst for last. Hide was distant as he listened about the report on his parent’s death, and the subsequent hunt of the ghoul that caused it, plus the daughter that Hide inadvertently exposed. The CCG had never found them.

Amon left copies of the files on the kitchen table, and gave Kaneki a short nod as he headed out. Meanwhile, Kaneki put the dishes aside for later, then went to join Hide on the couch.

“Hey.” He sat on the armrest by Hide’s head and ran his fingers through his hair. “How you doing?”

Hide shook his head and curled into himself tighter. “I just… I’ve always suspected how much harm they caused. But… I still love them. They’re still my dads.”

“Many people in this world have done bad things. Loving those people doesn’t turn you into a bad one.”

“But… sometimes… you saw the reports. I helped them.”

Kaneki shook his head and brushed away the tears that leaked out of Hide’s eyes. “You were a child. And you didn’t know what you were doing.”

“I…”

“Your parents loved you, but they still shouldn’t have done that to you.”

More tears sprang from Hide’s eyes. When Kaneki opened his arms in invitation, Hide sat up and all but threw himself into them. Hide stiffened as he jostled his ribs and broken arm, but just tightened his grip on Kaneki’s back with his uninjured one.

“I miss them,” Hide whispered. “I miss them all the time.”

“I know.” Kaneki rubbed Hide’s back.

“I wonder if they were still here, if I could change their minds about ghouls... And if they would be proud of me.” Hide sniffled and nuzzled his face against Kaneki’s chest.

Kaneki wondered as well. He dropped his head, kissing the crown of Hide’s head. “Even if they didn’t agree with you, I think they would still be proud. You’ve grown up to be a good, kind man.”

Hide hummed, but he still didn’t sound convinced. He relaxed more into the embrace. As minutes passed, his sniffles ceased and his breathing evened out as he fell back asleep. Careful not to wake him, Kaneki adjusted his hold on him, lifted him, and carried him to his bedroom. He laid Hide’s head on the pillow carefully. After elevating Hide’s broken arm with another pillow, he tucked him in.

With Hide asleep, Kaneki went back to the kitchen, where the documents Amon left were still strewn across the table. He put on a fresh pot of coffee, then settled in a chair. He’d spend the next few hours pouring over them, trying to determine which ghouls were most likely suspects in Hide’s attack.

With so many ghouls listed in the TSC’s database, Kaneki knew they would be able to track down at least some of them. He could have them brought in and questioned, and have their alibies established. While they couldn’t possibly rule everyone out, they could certainly narrow down their search.

He sent some files over to Tsukiyama, including descriptions and old photos. Some had already been matched up in the TSC database. After four hours, and a full pot of coffee, he had only six names. Two of them were the young girl who used to be called Suki, and her mother. They were living peacefully in the twentieth ward. While Kaneki didn’t suspect them, they had to be brought in and questioned.

Kaneki glanced at the door he left open to his bedroom. Hide was peacefully dozing, turned away from Kaneki. If possible, Kaneki wanted to keep Hide away from the interrogations. Bringing up the past wouldn’t do any good for him. But if he wanted to join, there was nothing Kaneki would do to stop him.

Kaneki sent off a couple messages to Amon and Akira, figuring they would get them when they woke up. After closing his laptop, cleaning up the files, and washing the last of the dishes, Kaneki went to join Hide in bed.

Hide was no longer peaceful looking. Instead, his expression was pinched. He shifted in his sleep, grimacing. No stranger to nightmares, Kaneki gently slid onto the bed beside him. He ran his hand through Hide’s hair soothingly and spoke softly.

“Hey. You’re okay. It’s all going to be okay. You’re safe. No one here can hurt you. Everything will be just fine.”

Hide blinked his eyes open, but remained half-asleep. He shifted closer to Kaneki, mumbled some nonsense, then drifted back off. Kaneki settled beside him. Not wanting to hurt Hide’s ribs, he settled his arm over Hide’s hips.

~<3<3<3~

Kaneki was working at the table again when Hide woke up. Hide must have woken up sometime in the middle of the night, because he faintly remembered Kaneki being beside him. Although, judging by the circles under Kaneki’s eyes, he hardy got any sleep.

Hide swayed as he made his way to the kitchen, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. It was time to take his pain medication again, given by the telltale throbbing of his arm and his other various injuries. They were what woke him up in the first place. Despite for how long he slept, he still felt exhausted. Both physically and emotionally.

Kaneki glanced up as Hide entered the kitchen, offering a smile. He closed the laptop and joined Hide at the counter as he poured himself a mug of coffee. Meanwhile, Kaneki got a glass and poured him so water as well, offering him a couple pills with it.

Hide gratefully took them, sagging a little against Kaneki. “What you working on?”

“We’re looking at bringing a couple people in. I’ve sent some names to Akira and Amon, who are handling the questioning.”

Hide squinted at the clock. It was ten in the morning. “They’re doing this at the TSC headquarters?”

Kaneki nodded. “With Tsukiyama.”

Hide frowned. “It doesn’t feel right. That I’m just sitting here. Doing nothing. If I went, I could at least see if I recognized the person.”

“We’ll get you pictures.” Kaneki guided Hide to the couch. “For now, rest. Are you hungry at all?”

Hide frowned. “Do you have any more cookies?” While he knew it wasn’t a balanced breakfast, he needed some comfort food.

Kaneki kissed his cheek and went to get him some. Hide curled up in a blanket on the couch, munching on cookies and sipping his coffee. He put on a re-run of one of his favourite dramas, but couldn’t really focus on it. His attention kept drifting to Kaneki, who was still going over the papers in the kitchen.

After an hour or so, Hide joined him. “I want to help. I _need_ to do something. To feel less useless.” _Less powerless_. “I want to go join Akira and Amon.”

He expected Kaneki to argue. Instead, he just sighed softly, and began packing up the papers and his laptop. “Okay. Go get ready, and let me know if you need help with anything. I’ll send Akira a message to let her know we’re coming.”

The only thing Hide would have needed help with was pulling on a t-shirt, but he opted to borrow one of Kaneki’s, which was larger and easier to get into. It took him longer than usual to get ready, but after half-an-hour, he was in decent shape.

They took a taxi to the TSC headquarters. Hide took Kaneki’s hand and followed after him. The interior was very similar to the way the CCG used to have it set up. They passed by numerous offices before Kaneki stopped at one, knocking before entering.

Akira and Amon were inside, sat at a large table with papers spread in front of them. They were in an orderly fashion, most likely due to Akira’s diligence. On one wall of the room was what looked like a one-way glass. The room it looked into was much like the one they were sitting in, except smaller. The table inside was only big enough to sit four people.

Kaneki set his satchel on the table. Out of a plastic bag he pulled out a large thermos and a smaller bag. He set out cups, sugar, cream and leftover chocolate chip cookies. Akira and Amon murmured their thanks as they helped themselves. Hide snagged another cookie before Amon ate them all.

“Where are we?” Kaneki asked as he pulled out his own papers.

Akira exchanged a glance with Amon. Her gaze flickered to Hide. “Tsukiyama was just meeting Sakuri Yuki and Yua. They will be joining us shortly.” She glanced towards Hide again. “Hide… it’s probably best you’re not here for this one.”

Kaneki thought the same, judging by his tight expression. “And the others you’ve brought in to question?”

“They all have alibies. We’ll check them later, but I didn’t feel like any of them were lying.” Akira frowned. “There’s still been a number of suspects were haven’t been able to track down.”

“It’s more likely that the culprit is among them,” Amon added. “Most of the ghouls who registered under the TSC were doing so because they wanted to live a more peaceful life.”

“Ghouls don’t register for a number of reasons,” Kaneki said. “But the most common is fear. The unregistered ones are no more likely to commit crimes than the registered ones. We need to cover our bases.”

Akira nodded. “And we will.” She stood and took Hide’s hand. “Why don’t we go out and grab some lunch? Amon and I have been stuck in here since six this morning.”

Hide opened his mouth to argue, since he just had cookies before he left home, but Akira’s firm expression had him snapping his mouth shut. He made a face at Kaneki, who seemed oddly relieved Akira was dragging him out the door.

Although, as soon as the door was shut behind them, Akira froze in her tracks. Hide hissed in pain as his broken arm was squished between the two of them. She cursed under her breath and Hide looked up. Tsukiyama was leading two women down the hall, smiling pleasantly.

One of the them was older, with a lined face and grey starting to thread through her dark brown hair. She had kind eyes, though her mouth was downturned like she was constantly frowning. The other woman was younger, and about Hide’s age. Hide didn’t recognize her until she met his eyes. He was taken back years, to when he was ten years old, and worrying about his new friend.

“Suki?” Hide whispered.

She looked confused. “Hide?”

Her mother gripped her arm, her gaze darting between Hide and Akira. She was defensive, her mouth downturned. Hide took her in for a long moment, surprised when his chest didn’t ache. In front of him was the woman who killed his dads. But when he saw her, he wasn’t thrown back to that moment. Instead, all he saw was a woman, worried about her daughter. She positioned herself in front of her, like she was worried _Hide_ was going to attack.

Back then, all she had been doing was protecting her family. And judging by the way she was looking at Hide, she was feeling guilty for taking his away from him.

He bowed low. When he straightened back up, the woman’s eyes were wet with tears. After a moments hesitation, Hide stepped forward, holding his uninjured arm out in invitation. The woman returned his hug gently.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

Hide swallowed thickly. “I forgave you, a long time ago.”

He stepped back and Tsukiyama gestured for them to follow him again. Akira stepped up to his side, and touched his elbow.

“They didn’t do it,” Hide said.

“I know,” Akira said. “But we have to check anyway.”

Hide shook his head. “I never mentioned it when I was questioned, but she was the one who carried me to the hospital.” The CCG thought he walked, not even pausing to think that a ghoul could care about a human child.

Akira guided him away.

“Yuki and Yua? That’s what they go by now?” Hide asked.

They headed down the street, the foot traffic not yet busy since it was an hour before lunch. “Yuki is the daughter. They took those names when they registered with the TSC. They were in hiding before that.”

“Over ten years on the run…” Hide shook his head.

Akira pulled him into a corner store. There was some hot, ready-to-eat food at the counter, as well as some packaged things along one of the back walls. “You can’t blame yourself for that. That was the result of the actions of your fathers… no, of the actions of the CCG as a whole. While _I_ played my part in those actions, you resisted as much as you could.”

“I worked for the CCG too. I played my role too.” Hide picked up some cold veggie wraps with tofu. He wasn’t hungry then, but he’d want something for later.

Akira rolled her eyes. “You played your role as little as possible. Knowing you, you probably sabotaged a few investigations.”

Hide gasped dramatically. “How could you ever think that of me?”

Akira laughed. “You weren’t as incompetent as you led people to believe. I know you’re smart. And intuitive. And incredibly gifted in computer science.” She turned away to order. Some spicy, curried pork and rice for herself, and some teriyaki chicken and rice for Amon. She took the bag the cashier offered and paid for everything, despite Hide’s protests. “Have you ever thought of joining the TSC?”

Hide froze. After leaving the CCG, he never considered going back. But now, things changed. The TSC worked towards peaceful relations between ghouls and humans. They didn’t hunt down ghouls like animals, and punish them for crimes they hadn’t committed.

He felt powerless. But maybe there was a way to put his skills to good use. Maybe, he could save lives.

“I haven’t really given it much thought.” Hide caught up to where Akira was waiting for him. “But… even if I’m not able to help in _my_ investigation, is there something else I could be working on?”

Akira hummed. “There is something, actually. Something we’ve been working on with Kaneki.”

Hide perked up. “Is it the thing he’s been stressed over for the past couple months?”

Akira nodded. “We recovered some data from one of the sites we’ve been investigating. Marude and the rest of the team have been working at it for a few days, but they haven’t been able to crack the code. You want to give it a shot?”

It was a much-needed distraction. And if Hide could help take some stress off Kaneki, he would. “Lead the way.”

Back at the TSC Headquarters, they went down a different hallway to the Tactics and Intelligence Division. It looked like a relatively normal office space, although there were a few boards placed sporadically with information pinned up on them. Hide saw Seidou’s head poke up from behind a mountain of paper.

“Seidou,” Akira greeted. “I brought you a potential recruit.”

Seidou gave Hide a long look. “Why does he look so familiar?”

Hide rubbed the back of his head. “Uh… no reason?”

“ _Get him out of here_.” Marude charged towards them from the back of the room, jabbing a finger at Hide. “We don’t need any more mysterious fires here.”

Hide held out a hand defensively. “Marude. Long time no see?”

“Nagachika,” he growled. “I told you to never come back.”

Hide grinned. “You must be mistaken. I’m fairly certain you begged me to return, citing my overwhelming talents.”

Akira sighed. “Marude. Hide. I’d forgotten you’d already met.” She pinched her nose. “Marude, I’m sure whatever happened is in the past. But right now, we could really use his talents.”

“What talents?”

“He’s a computer whiz, among other things.” She shot Hide a glare. “And he promises there will be no more fires.”

Hide nodded enthusiastically. He could see the gears turning in Marude’s head. He was likely wondering how many of Hide’s accidents were actually accidents. Finally, he threw his arms up and stalked away. “Seidou, he’s with you.”

Hide pumped his fist in the air, making Akira shake her head. “Try not to fuck up.”

Hide laughed. “I only fuck up when I mean to.”

As Akira walked away, Hide took a seat beside Seidou, who had a pouty expression. “Geez. They always make things more troublesome for me.”

Hide couldn’t help but grin. “Sorry. Now where would be the code Akira wanted me to look at?”

Seidou made a sour expression, but shifted his chair aside so Hide would have more room at the computer on his desk. “Please, by all means. Take a look. I get a headache after ten minutes.” He pulled up a document that looked like utter nonsense. “This is some seriously important, and _confidential_ stuff. She wants you to work on this?”

“Give her a call if you want.” Hide pulled up his chair. “I don’t know why she thinks I would have any better luck with this, but it’s something to do at least.” Hide settled down.

Before he knew it, hours had passed, and he hadn’t made any headway. His stomach growled and he took a short break to eat, wiping his strained eyes. Seidou was working on the paperwork beside him, hardly putting a dent into the massive tower.

Hide shifted into a different position, his aching body complaining. But he went back to it. More hours passed, and Hide was thinking it really _was_ just a bunch of nonsense, until something popped out at him. A pattern, among the indecipherable mess.

It was nothing. And then it was something.

Then Hide was scrambling for a pen and paper.


	18. An Ill-Fated Rematch

“It’s in English,” Hide explained. “The English Language’s letters have corresponding numbers.”

Kaneki and Akira stood over his shoulder and peered at the piece of code he was pointing to. It was long past office hours, and the only other person who was still around was Seidou, who seemed to take everything in stride. His eyes widened a bit when he saw Kaneki without his mask, but he quickly went back to staring at the computer screen.

“What about everything else?” Kaneki pointed to the parts of the code Hide hadn’t translated.

“I think they’re all the same message, but in different languages. Some of the codes are similar to the English one, but others are different entirely.” Hide pointed to where he jotted down the code in English, then spoke a rough translation into Japanese. “The past studies of Dr. Kanou have proven the possibility of turning humans into ghouls. Soon, we can give you the possibility of fighting with the power of ghouls on the battlefields of your choosing. Remember to reserve your spot and send your deposit to…” Hide read the email out. “kakuhouproductions.com.” Hide imagined there were also different emails for different languages, as well as regions.

Kaneki swore.

“This isn’t local anymore,” Akira paced. “This is international. Seidou, can we track who is sending these emails, and where they’re sending them from?”

“I’ll figure it out.”

Hide moved out of the way so he could take over. He slid his hand into Kaneki’s, feeling how tense he was. He only relaxed fractionally when Hide massaged the back of his hand with his thumb.

“I should have made sure the information was destroyed.” Kaneki gritted his teeth.

Akira shook her head. “You couldn’t have known whether you got it all. Even if Kanou didn’t leave evidence, someone else would have tried the same thing. Eventually, they would have had the same success.”

Kaneki frowned, his hand tightening around Hide’s. “Are we able to contain the information on his experiments in any way, or do you think it’s already too widespread?”

“I don’t know, but… they seem to be selling the results, not the information.” Akira crossed her arms, tapping a finger against her elbow. “They wouldn’t want any competition on the market, so they would keep the information well guarded. It’s likely – and I’m hopeful – that only a few people have Kanou’s notes. We may have a chance to contain the information. But even then…” She shook her head.

“Now that people know it’s possible, they’re more likely to try.” Kaneki pursed his lips. “Even if we stop it now…”

“We’ll do what we can within our own jurisdiction.” Akira shook her head. “Let’s focus on that for now. We can’t do anything until we track those emails, so…”

Seidou scoffed. “You owe me, big time. I’ll stay overnight and have something for you by morning.”

“Thanks, Seidou.” Akira squeezed his shoulder. “I’ll bring you coffee and dinner in a bit.”

Hide wanted to help some more, but Seidou waved him off. “You’ve done enough. Go rest. We might need you later.”

That, and Kaneki’s warm arm around his waist was enough to make him give in. Hide hugged Akira goodbye, happy to be able to have a relationship with her again. Tsukiyama drove Kaneki and Hide back home, where Hide was more than happy to flop into bed.

Kaneki huffed and collapsed beside him. “You did good today. How are you feeling?”

After meeting his dads’ killer, he was surprisingly okay. “I’m good. I just wish what I decoded wasn’t such bad news.”

“It is what it is.” Kaneki kissed his jaw.

Hide frowned. Without work to distract him, worry was worming its way into his chest again. “And my case? Did you find anything?”

Kaneki shook his head. “No, but we will.”

Hide curled against him. Kaneki wrapped his arms around him. He always made Hide feel a little safer and more secure.

~<3<3<3~

By the next morning, Seidou traced the emails to a location in the seventh ward. They were sent from within a building used by an up-and-coming pharmaceutical company. While they were raiding the location, Hide was at the TSC headquarters, working with some translators to see if he could decode other email addresses.

Kaneki donned his mask, Touka on his right and Tsukiyama on his left. The TSC recruited a number of human investigators as well, all who had suitcases with quinque in case of a confrontation. Akira and Amon led the charge, requesting compliance as less experience investigators detained the company employees. Other investigators from Tactics and Intelligence seized company software, looking for evidence.

Suzuya was hanging back with Kaneki, Touka and Tsukiyama. More than anything, he liked a good fight. He had his 13’s Jason slung across his shoulders as he watched people mill about with disinterest. More than once, he asked Kaneki for a spar, which he always declined. Although, Suzuya always forgave him if he brought some type of sweet. Like the candy he was currently chewing on.

Kaneki slouched slightly. The longer they were there, the longer he felt like they weren’t going to find anything. It seemed like a dead end – until Akira jogged up.

“Seidou found something.” She gestured for them to follow.

They found him fiddling with controls in the elevator, swearing to himself, and then to his partner when they weren’t holding the flashlight at the correct angle.

“There’s two basements.” He explained. “The employees only seem to know about the one. And I can’t access the second one.” He swore again.

Touka added to the curses. “Why the fuck is it always basements?”

“If you don’t want someone to find something, you bury it,” Tsukiyama said.

“We don’t have time for this.” Kaneki glanced towards Akira. “Do you have rope?”

They went down to the first basement. Kaneki picked a section of flooring where one of the hallways was wide enough and they had somewhere to secure the rope. Then he plunged his kagune down until he hit nothing but air. He stared through the hole he made, surprised by how deep it was. He couldn’t see too clearly, as it was only illuminated by a flickering light, likely damaged from the hole Kaneki made.

He jumped down, feeling the bones in his legs break, and then instantly heal. He caught the rope Tsukiyama tossed him and stood at the bottom of it in case anyone fell. Once everyone was down safely, he let himself examine the room closely.

It looked like storage. He pulled out a random box and flipped off the lid. “Medical files?”

“If that’s what all these boxes have, I doubt they were obtained legally. This is a fairly small pharmaceutical company. They don’t have this many clients.” Akira peered over his shoulder at the file. “And they definitely shouldn’t have that many details on them.”

Kaneki closed the box. “Potential victims?” They had to keep on moving. They could make sure the files either went to the right place, or were destroyed later.

They headed out into the hall. There were a few more storage rooms, empty. There were a few offices as well, which they stopped at only long enough for Akira to download the files from the computers onto USB drives. The further they went into the facility, the more disturbing it became. The rooms looked less like offices and more like prisons. The rooms had reinforced walls, single beds, a toilet and a sink.

As they walked, the only sound was their footsteps on the concrete ground and Suzuya crunching the candy in his mouth.

The rooms were all empty. Until they were nearing the end. Two rooms were occupied. There was a young man, naked save for the bandages on his abdomen. He was pale and shivering. Amon tried the door, but it was locked.

“Move.” Kaneki used his kagune to bust it down.

Amon hurried to the man, while Akira requested medical attention on her radio. The man didn’t respond to Amon, and flinched when he touched him.

“He smells like death,” Tsukiyama murmured.

“I know,” Kaneki said. He turned to the last room on the right. It was occupied. There was a man in street clothes, who was pacing back and forth. He looked like he’d been crying. With a jolt, Kaneki recognized him.

Asaoka Yuuichi. Kaneki’s cousin.

He should have known they’d go after what little biological family he had left. If Kaneki’s genetics played a role in the success of the kakuhou transplant, of course they would take him.

Kaneki grabbed Tsukiyama’s elbow and leaned in to explain the situation. After busting the door down, Kaneki stepped aside and let him deal with it. As guilty as he felt that his cousin got kidnapped, it wouldn’t help anything for Kaneki to get personally involved.

Akira and Amon stayed back to wait for the medics, while Kaneki, Touka, Tsukiyama and Suzuya carried on. The inner-most part of the complex was blocked by another thick door. After knocking it down, Kaneki was eerily reminded of Kanou’s lab. There was an operating table at the centre, and on the back wall, Rize was contained in some sort of pod.

There were three other people in the room. One looked to be a scientist, his glasses askew and blood marring his white lab coat. The other two were ghouls, both wearing black masks.

“ _You,”_ Touka hissed. She plowed towards one of the ghouls, who was slouched, and had stringy brown hair. “You’re mine.”

“ _Oh!_ ” Suzuya shouted. “Then I want the other one.” He spun his quinque over his head as he rushed to catch up. The other a ghoul, who looked to be a woman, dodged the strike. The scientist was narrowly missed, stumbling back with a shout.

The ghoul Touka went after was fast. Maybe even quicker than her. He was surprisingly agile as he dodged her strikes like an acrobat. Kaneki trusted her to handle it, turning his attention to the scientist. He was the one who was most likely to have the answers they needed.

Tsukiyama assumed the same, approaching the man with a wide smile and open arms. “Monsieur, if you could be so kind to come with me?”

The scientist glanced back at his desk, then towards the back left of the room. He inched away, but he must have known there was no chance for escape.

Tsukiyama placed a hand on his shoulder. “Be good and stay put for us, oui?” He continued to watch him as Kaneki approached the desk. “We’ll have many questions for you.”

Indeed, there was more data on the current experiments. Kaneki was hopeful they would find something useful, considering this seemed to be their main hideout. He was careful not to disturb anything as he plugged in the USB drive like Akira showed him and copied the files, just in case. Tactics and Intelligence would be down later, but it didn’t hurt to have a copy.

He heard Touka swear as her target escaped out of the exit in the back of the room. There were projectiles littering the floor, and both of them seemed to be injured. Still, she gave chase. Kaneki wanted to go help, but Rize’s pod suddenly opened.

The scientist dropped a remote control device and tried to hurry away, but Tsukiyama quickly restrained him. He swore and hit Tsukiyama in the face, but only succeeded in breaking his own hand. He gasped in pain as Tsukiyama sighed in exasperation. “Now look at what you’ve done.”

Suzuya’s opponent tried to use the distraction to escape as well, but Suzuya wasn’t distracted. He laughed as the ghoul barely managed to dodge his next strike. Suzuya fighting resembled a cat playing with a mouse. He let the ghoul escape up the stairs, then gave chase, probably hoping he would lead him to more ghouls to kill.

Rize fell from the tank to the floor, naked and shivering. She convulsed, choking on the tubes going down her throat. She reached up and pulled them out, fingers like claws as her face contorted in pain. She spit and dry-heaved once they were free. She raised her bloodshot eyes.

Her voice was a rasp. “Ken.”

Despite himself, Kaneki couldn’t help but hurry to help her. He knelt at her side, sliding off his jacket to drape over her shoulders. She pulled it around herself with a small smile, although she scowled when she tried to move her legs.

“How long did they have me this time?” She sounded exhausted.

“Not long,” Kaneki assured. “Only a few days.”

“Oh good, they must just be asleep then.” She grimaced as she tried to curl her toes. She slid her arms through the jacket sleeves and fumbled with the zipper before pulling it up. “Would you help me up?”

Kaneki slid an arm around her back and eased her to her feet. She leaned most of her weight on Kaneki, her legs seemingly useless. Her knees kept wanting to buckle, and her ankles kept lolling to the side. She bit out a few curses, but after a few minutes, she seemed well enough to stand on her own two feet.

However, she still didn’t move away from Kaneki. She tucked her head against his shoulder and smiled at him. “You’ve always been such a dear.” Then a dozen thin kagune burst from her mouth and impaled Kaneki’s face.

Kaneki jerked away with a harsh cry, memories of Arima’s quinque piercing his head resurfacing. One of Rize’s kagune lodged in his human eye, destroying it. Half a dozen dug into his cheeks, a few more in his jaw, and one deep in his neck. As he jerked away, they tore free, blood splattering the ground. She followed after him, digging her teeth into his shoulder. She tore a large chunk away and swallowed.

Legs now working, Rize ran, heading for the same door that Touka and the other ghoul used earlier. There was a shout as the scientist once again tried to break free, but Tsukiyama had a firm hold on him. Kaneki would have ordered him to stay where he was, but it seemed his vocal cords were damaged by Rize. He just had to trust Tsukiyama would know what he wanted.

He gave chase, his kakuga spreading over his body as he fought to accelerate his healing. Rize had done considerable damage in a short amount of time. She must have damaged his brain in some way. It was hard to keep his thoughts straight, let alone force his body after her.

He saw a flicker of her purple hair as she ran up the stairs. Kaneki sent a kagune chasing after her, but she blocked it with her own, hardly breaking stride. She spun to face Kaneki, her kagune lashing out. However, Kaneki’s brain was moving too slow. He could only watch as her kagune plunged into his abdomen.

Kaneki fell. It took him only seconds to stand again. However, by the time he reached the top of the stairs, Rize was gone. Kaneki was inside what looked like an old boiler room, except it was kept surprisingly clean. There wasn’t even any dirt for Rize’s footprints to tell him where she went. Kaneki swore and reached for his radio, only to find it destroyed from Rize’s strike.

He hit the wall beside him with a fist, then slowly slid down it. He stayed there until Touka returned, looking as miserable as he felt.

“You look like shit,” she said. “I lost him.” She kicked the wall and slid down beside Kaneki. “I think he was the same one who attacked Hide.”

Kaneki tipped his head back against the wall. It was his fault Hide was being attacked. They were wasting their time looking into his past. And now, the ghoul that attacked them had slipped through their fingers. And not only that, but they lost Rize as well.

“Hey,” Touka kicked his leg. “You didn’t forget who I was again, did you?”

“Fuck off.” Words hurt. Kaneki placed a hand against his damaged throat. “Rize got away too. Could you call it in?”

Touka groaned, but did it. Suzuya was the first to show up, his pouting face splattered with blood. “You let them get away?”

“We didn’t _let_ anything happen.” Touka grimaced. “Where’s the body?”

“Couple rooms over.” Suzuya shrugged. “She wasn’t very interesting, even when I gave her more space to work with. A very basic kagune.” He pulled some candy out of his pocket and started munching on it. “Hopefully someone outside saw where they went.”

Kaneki doubted it. They didn’t have enough manpower to cover all the exits. Just the main ones, and only the ones they knew of. Kaneki held out his hand and Touka passed him the radio. They would have to sweep the area, but Kaneki already knew they weren’t going to find anything.

They’d have to examine the information they had gathered and regroup.


	19. An Unwelcome Visit

Once back at the TSC, Kaneki was able to clean up before seeing Hide. He cleaned the blood off him, and placed bandages over his still-healing wounds. He touched the bandages over his eye, resisting the old urge to scratch. Tsukiyama brought him some comfortable clothes, but Kaneki declined the offer of helping him put them on. With the food he ate, his side hardly ached when he moved around.

Kaneki found Hide at Seidou’s desk, still focused over his work. He had bags under his eyes, which looked ready to cross. Kaneki placed some of the crappy office coffee in front of him, having gotten himself a cup of it as well.

“You’re back.” Hide grinned, until he took in Kaneki’s appearance. “What happened?”

“I got in a little bit of a fight.” Kaneki sat on the edge of the desk, smiling softly. “But I’m okay. I’ve eaten already.”

Hide stood, kissing Kaneki softly. “I’m glad you’re okay.” They were alone, the rest of the Tactics and Intelligence Division still on site at the laboratory. Hide wrapped his arms around Kaneki’s waist and tipped his head against his chest. “I was worried.”

Kaneki bit his lip. “I’m okay,” he repeated. “But… Touka thinks the ghoul that attacked you was there. He got away.”

Hide shook his head. “We’ll figure it out.”

Kaneki closed his eyes, basking in Hide’s warmth. He rested his head on top of Hide’s, until someone cleared their throat. Kaneki glanced up to see Amon shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

“Kaneki, your… aunt wishes to speak with you.”

Kaneki stiffened, and Hide looked up at him with worry. “Are you okay?”

“Fine.” But his voice was strained. He slipped off the desk and out of Hide’s embrace. “Where is she?”

“Follow me.” Amon led Kaneki to a private room usually used when questioning families of victims. There were comfortable couches, as well as a table in the center. Kaneki’s aunt had a cup of steaming coffee in her hands.

She looked confused when she noted Kaneki’s changed appearance, but her expression quickly hardened. She sent Amon a glare. “May we speak alone?”

Kaneki narrowed his eyes at her. Her face was red and spotty, like she’d been crying. Indeed, there were used tissues piled in the wastebasket beside the couch. However, Kaneki recalled she was a good actor when she wanted to be.

She wasn’t here because she wanted to reconcile, or something equally ridiculous. No, she wanted something. Many years ago, Kaneki would have listened to what she had to say. He would have asked Amon to leave. But after years of love and support from his friends, he came to the conclusion that it was always better to have the support of someone else.

“Anything you can say to me, you may say in front of my colleague.” Kaneki settled onto the couch across from her and crossed his legs. Amon shifted awkwardly behind him, but stayed put.

Her faced pinched up, but she quickly smoothed it with a smile. “Really, Ken? This is personal. Would you be so rude to your family?”

“I stopped considering you my family a long time ago.”

She frowned, new tears springing to her eyes. “It pains me to hear you say that, especially since I gave you a home after your dear mother passed.”

“If you could consider that a home.”

Her expression cracked. “I paid for your food. Your clothes. The roof over your head. And all you’ve ever been is ungrateful.”

“You paid with the money you took from my mother. The money she worked herself to death to give you.” Kaneki glared at her.

She scoffed. “As if that wasn’t a blessing?” She rolled her eyes. “You should be thanking me.” She was beginning to grin. “You think I didn’t notice what that bitch did to you? When she dragged you over to visit, I saw it. It was obvious, if you knew what to look for. And I grew up with her, so _I_ did.”

Kaneki clenched his fists in his lap. His aunt knew his mother was abusing him. She probably even saw his bruises, yet she did nothing. She said nothing? Why?

Kaneki froze as the realization struck. “Amon, would you be able to step out, actually?” This conversation was going to get worse.

“I think I’ll stay, if you’d allow it.” Amon’s heavy hand landed on his shoulder. He was firm. Supportive. Grounding.

Kaneki took a deep breath and turned back to his aunt. “You blackmailed my mother for money.”

His aunt tried to appear offended. “How could you accuse me of such a thing?” Her gaze flickered to where Amon was standing. She would never outright admit it in front of him, but Kaneki knew.

“What do you want from me? Just come out and say it. I have more important things to do.”

“I’d bet,” she murmured. “See, in case you haven’t heard, my poor son was captured. I finally got to see him in the hospital when he was rescued.” She wiped a fake tear from her eye. “He was put through so much. And I just want to do what’s best for him.”

Kaneki scoffed. “You want money? From me?”

“I heard a story from Yuuichi. He said that the people in the laboratory told him you were turned into a ghoul. And that you were the One-Eyed King reining over Tokyo. I don’t suppose you’d want people to know that, do you?”

Kaneki couldn’t believe it. “Are you… _threatening_ me?” He couldn’t believe she actually had the guts to come in here and do that. She knew he was a ghoul, yet she came to threaten him, confident enough that he wouldn’t tear her throat out. But, even if his position as the One-Eyed King hadn’t prevented it, Kaneki still wouldn’t have. Kaneki supposed she knew him at least that well. Still, it was a big gamble for money.

“Of course not, dear.” She smiled. “I’m just reminding you of the importance of looking after your family. It’s the least you could do, since you caused Yuuichi so much pain.”

Amon’s voice was low with barely contained anger. “There are programs the TSC has set up to assist victims. I promise both you and Yuuichi will be well taken care of. However, you should be advised, that any rumours you overheard are part of an ongoing investigation. Any spread of these rumours will impede our investigation, and will have you charged and jailed for a considerable amount of time. Do I make myself clear?”

His aunt jerked back as if slapped. “Excuse me?”

“Do I make myself clear?”

His aunt made a noise of disgust and stood. She grabbed her purse from the couch and pushed past them to the door. As soon as she was out of the room, Kaneki sagged back into the cushions. Amon’s hand was still on his shoulder.

Amon cleared his throat. “Sometimes… sometimes after I visited my father in Cochlea, my friends would take me out for lunch.” He grimaced. “Ah – what I’m saying is – would you like to get out of here and get some coffee?”

Kaneki glanced away, smiling softly. “The coffee here _is_ pretty disgusting.”

“Agreed.” Amon released his shoulder. “Should I invite Akira and Hide?”

Kaneki stood. “That would be good. I know a café nearby. I hear they have good sandwiches and cake.”

Amon sent a couple of texts off, then they waited outside for Akira and Hide.

~<3<3<3~

Seidou returned to his desk with a groan and a boxful of USB sticks. Akira was at his side, smirking when he complained.

Hide only got a little more decoding done. It was slow work contacting the other translators, but he hoped the dozen email addresses he had would help. Seidou took the list from him without even looking and pinned it to the board beside his desk. A few other people were also filing into the office, looking just as haggard. They all also had USB drives.

“There’s so much data here,” Seidou groaned. “I have no idea how we’ll get through it all.”

Hide would have offered to help, but Akira grabbed his elbow. “You haven’t had lunch yet. We’re heading out with Amon and Kaneki. Come on.”

Hide frowned, wondering why Kaneki hadn’t sent him a message himself. But, he followed her. The moment he saw Kaneki, he knew something was wrong. He was pale, his expression tight and his body coiled. Amon looked angry, but not like they had a fight.

“Hey.” Hide threaded his fingers through Kaneki’s, offering him a hesitant smile.

Kaneki returned it, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. His gaze was distant, and slightly unfocused.

“So, Kaneki, where is this café you were telling me about?” Amon’s voice was even and neutral, although Hide heard a soft undertone that he wasn’t able to conceal.

Kaneki blinked a few times. He listed off the address.

It was just a few blocks away, nestled between a flower shop and a clothing store. The interior was filled with deep reds and browns. A waitress greeted them at the front, and led them to a booth. The seats were comfortable, and allowed Hide to sit hip to hip with Kaneki. He made Kaneki get in first so he could loop his arm around his waist, fingers resting against his hips. Kaneki relaxed against him. He hooked his foot around Hide’s under the table.

Amon, Akira and Hide ordered their meals. They all got coffee, Hide making sure to get the most obnoxious, sugary one just because he knew it amused Kaneki. He was rewarded by a twitch of his lips and a grimace from Akira.

“How was your day?” Kaneki asked, almost on reflex.

Hide tapped his fingers against Kaneki’s hip. “Mostly just looking at the same code. Some of the translators are nice, but a couple can take a while to get back to me. Do you think all the email addresses belong to the same person?”

“We’re hoping so,” Akira said. “Once we get through the data we retrieved from the lab, we can confirm it.”

“You’re not falling behind on your schooling doing all this work, are you?” Kaneki asked.

Hide had been spending a lot of time on it. “No. I’ve got a couple more days to spare before I need to start working on some essays. And what about you? Can’t have you flunking out on your first year back.”

“I’ll be okay,” Kaneki said softly.

The waitress came by with their drinks, Kaneki thankfully taking his coffee. The way the first sip made him relax reminded Hide of how he was after a nightmare. Hide tightened his hold on Kaneki’s hip before releasing it to pick up his own drink.

“You’re a literature student, right?” Amon had a number of sandwiches pilled in front of him. “Why literature?”

“I’ve always enjoyed reading,” Kaneki said.

Hide grinned. “He’s a bookworm. You’ve seen his apartment, Amon. Can you believe he has even more books than what’s on his shelves? He has stacks of boxes in his closet filled with them.”

“It takes up _one_ corner,” Kaneki defended. “Why don’t you tell them how you managed to take over my entire dresser, _and_ the rest of the hangers in my closet. How do you own so many sweaters?”

Akira’s lips twitched. “You should see Amon’s tie collection.”

Amon flushed. “It’s not a collection.”

“Every time we go shopping, you get all stary-eyed over the designs.” Akira rolled her eyes.

Amon scoffed. “You like my ties. You organized them by colour.”

“I like a _well-dressed_ man. Not the ties in particular.”

Hide looked between the two of them, a smile slowly spreading across his face. “Wait. Are you two dating?”

“For at least a month,” Kaneki murmured, sipping his coffee. “Maybe two.”

Akira shot both of them a glare. “Don’t go spreading that around. I don’t need Seidou up in my business.” She flipped a piece of hair over her shoulder and smiled. “But yes, we are dating. Finally.”

Amon flushed darker and ducked his head. Hide couldn’t help but grin in response.

“Does this mean we’re having a double date?” Hide squished himself up to Kaneki and gave him a squeeze. He blushed almost as dark as Amon. He waggled his eyebrows at Akira. “You know I’ve always wanted one.”

“Oh please, you were insufferable as a teenager. I would have rather shot myself in the foot than gone on a double date with you.”

“You think I’m any better now?” Hide was touched.

Akira shook her head. “And here I was hopeful. Besides, this was Amon’s idea.” She opted to take a bite out of her sandwich.

“It’s nice to go out with friends,” Amon said quietly.

“it is,” Kaneki agreed. He was starting to look better. He had more colour in his face and he was smiling slightly. “I’m curious though, why Hide was so insufferable as a teenager?”

Hide groaned. He was the spark in Akira’s eyes that meant he would never live down what she was going to share. “I was a perfectly normal teenager,” Hide said. “Nothing to share.”

“Did he tell you about his Hello Kitty obsession?” At Kaneki’s nod, she grinned. “His dorm room was decked out with it. He had posters. Carpets. Pillows. Toys. He even had little cat ears to wear when he was there. His roommate was begging to get moved somewhere else after two weeks.”

Hide held up a finger. “Excuse you, I was proud of my Hello Kitty collection, and my ability to get a dorm room all to myself. Did you know anyone else who didn’t have a roommate? No. Annoying people is a talent.”

Kaneki snorted.

“What about you,” Hide said, eager to diverge the conversation. “What were you like as a teenager?”

Kaneki frowned, making Hide worried he ruined his bettering mood. “I was pretty quiet. I mostly kept to myself. I mostly just read and studied.” Kaneki finished his coffee and tilted his head towards Hide. “I did try to write for a while, although it was all terrible.”

“You’re a writer?”

Kaneki huffed. “I’m not.”

“But you just said you wrote?”

Kaneki shook his head with a smile. “I tried to be. But it didn’t really work out for me. But maybe, once things calm down, I might try again.”

Hide hoped he did. He wanted to read the things Kaneki wrote, even if he was feeling self-conscious about them. Besides, Hide believed you didn’t have to be published to call yourself a writer.

The waitress came to refill Kaneki’s coffee, and he handed his mug over gratefully. He cradled it to his chest once it was filled again.

Hide turned to Akira. “It’s no fair that I’m the only one who has their annoying teenage years shared. What about you?”

“Simple. I wasn’t annoying.”

“Oh really?” Hide raised his eyebrows. “Are you forgetting the times you would reorganize _everything_ to the point it was making everyone lose their mind?”

“It made things easier to find.”

_“For you_ , maybe?” Hide waved a hand. “And it’s one thing to reorganize the pantry. But my _sock_ drawer? Really, Akira? I could have been hiding things in there!”

“You were ten.”

Hide turned to Kaneki, aghast. “ _I was ten_.”

“Besides, I wasn’t much older. And it was a nervous habit, that’s all.”

If it was a nervous habit, then Akira was nervous all the time. Hide swore she moved things around everyday, just to mess with him.

Akira finished her sandwich. Amon was long done, and already looking at the dessert menu. Hide was struggling to catch up, crumbs covering his shirt. Kaneki brushed some off, then kept his palm on Hide’s knee.

Akira and Hide got ice-cream, while Amon went for a big slice of chocolate cake. It looked really pretty, with delicate icing trimming the sides and top. It was sprinkled with chocolate flakes, as well as an assortment of berries on top.

Amon’s sweet tooth rivalled Suzuya’s sometimes.

“What were you like as a teenager?” Akira nodded Amon’s side with her elbow. “Come on. Everyone else shared.”

Amon frowned. He had frosting on his nose. “I studied and trained a lot. I took everything very seriously back then.”

Hide snickered. “And you don’t now?” 

Amon frowned at him. It only made Hide laugh harder.

Beside him, Kaneki shook his head. He snatched a napkin off the table and wiped at Hide’s cheek. Somehow, he got ice-cream smeared there. “I like to think we’ve all matured. Except maybe you.”

_“Hey_.”

Akira laughed and even Amon cracked a smile.

They finished their dessert, and said their goodbyes. Amon and Akira were heading back to the TSC to do more work, but suggested Hide and Kaneki get some rest. Hide expected Kaneki to argue, except he just leaned on Hide a little more and nodded.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Hide asked while they were walking back home.

Kaneki faltered mid-step, but quickly recovered. He looked vulnerable and sad. “Not – not right now. Maybe later. But for now…” Kaneki took Hide’s hand and squeezed it gently. “Could we go back home, curl up on the couch, and watch some crappy shows?”


	20. An Unfulfilled Promise

Kaneki dressed up nicely, in a black dress shirt and trousers. It accentuated his muscles, and made his pale hair stand out. He looked almost otherworldly, his kakugan on display as he leaned against Akira’s kitchen counter, drinking blood wine.

Hide wanted to jump his bones right then, but Akira probably would have killed him. Instead, he just drank more of his fancy, fruity drink. It was something Tsukiyama mixed for him. He had no idea what it was, but it was delicious.

“Hey, beautiful.” Hide slid up to Kaneki and threw his arm over his shoulder. It was still casted, but it was hurting a lot less than it used to. He didn’t even have to take painkillers before going to bed anymore.

Kaneki rolled his eyes and kissed Hide’s cheek. “You’re a terrible flirt when you’re tipsy.”

“You love it.”

Akira was holding a small celebration at her home. The hideout they found at the pharmaceutical lab was the main location. While there were other hideouts in Tokyo, they were mostly small and unoccupied. Throughout the next two days they would be conducting more raids and emptying them out. But as it stood, they already seized most information and equipment from the organization. The emails that Hide uncovered all led back to the same laptop, which was already in the possession of the TSC. The scientist they arrested divulged more than enough information on the remaining locations and assets. All were in Tokyo, and within the reach of the TSC.

They didn’t have everything. And they hadn’t been able to arrest all the people involved. However, they had a big victory, and Akira decided they should celebrate it. Akira invited Amon, Seidou, Suzuya, Hide, Kaneki, and Tsukiyama over for drinks. She supplied everything, even the blood wine. She was intent on making Kaneki feel comfortable, which Hide deeply appreciated. More and more, he was thankful she changed, and that they were able to rekindle their friendship.

Maris Stella walked up to them and meowed, making Hide inch back. Akira’s cat wasn’t known for being friendly. However, when Kaneki bent down and picked her up, she began to purr.

“It’s no fair,” Hide whined. “Why does she like you?” He poked his finger at Maris Stella’s feet, watching her claws come out.

Kaneki shrugged. The cat took an immediate liking to him as soon as he walked in the door, much to Akira’s amusement. From what Hide heard, the cat hated just about everyone. It took her weeks just to tolerate Amon.

Kaneki was getting grey fur all over his black shirt, but he didn’t seem to care as he carried the cat in one arm and held his glass of blood wine in his other hand.

Akira motioned to Hide from across the room, so he sent the cat a glare for stealing his boyfriend, then went over to join her. She was flushed from the alcohol, but was far from being drunk. She just turned away from Amon, who was distracted by the pizzas and doughnuts she was having delivered. Out of the corner of his eye, Hide saw Suzuya leap over the couch and almost kick Seidou in the head with his prosthetic leg in his hurry to get over.

“Good job,” Akira said. “We couldn’t have done this without you.”

“I mean, maybe you could have, but not as quickly.” Hide sipped more of his drink, trying to act nonchalant, even though his skin tingled with Akira’s praise. “I’ve been thinking about when you asked me if I wanted to join the TSC.”

Akira perked up. “And?”

“And I think I do. I’d like to help more in Tactics and Intelligence. But… I’d also like to give physical combat another attempt. I didn’t give it my all during training.”

Akira snorted. “Yeah, that much was obvious.” She shook her head. “Are you looking to be a field agent?”

“Maybe. Maybe not.” Hide shrugged. “I don’t know yet. But I want to at least be able to defend myself.” Hide frowned as he examined his cast. “If I’m attacked, I’d like to at least be able to fight back.”

Akira nodded. “I’ll see if I can sign you up for some training once you’re all healed up. I’m sure Kaneki would also help, if you wanted.”

Hide looked to him across the room. He’d set his blood wine down so that he could pet Maris Stella. He had a content expression.

“He’s busy enough as it is right now. And if anything happened to me during training, he probably wouldn’t forgive himself.” Hide shot back the rest of his drink. “So, how do I go about joining?”

“I’ll get you some paperwork to fill out.” Akira clapped him on the shoulder. “But let’s worry about the semantics later. Enjoy yourself tonight.”

Hide nodded, then went back to join Kaneki and tell him the good news. Kaneki was nervous for him to be getting more involved in the TSC, since it always meant he could be put in more dangerous situations. However, he was relieved to hear Hide would be focusing on working for Tactics and Information, as well as doing more translation work. His interest in combat was mainly defensive. Although, he did keep to himself the fact that he liked the idea of being strong enough to help someone else.

~<3<3<3~

The next morning, Hide was lying in Kaneki’s bed, nursing a hang over. He rolled over to the bedside table to find some painkillers, some water, and a note from Kaneki. He’d left a couple hours earlier to take part on the first raid on one of the remaining hideout locations.

Hide groaned as he sat up, glad for the medication. It took him another fifteen minutes for him to swing his legs out of bed and head to the kitchen. There, Touka was sulking. When Hide entered, she glared at him.

“Why do _I_ get babysitting duty?”

Hide tried for a grin, but it turned out as more of a grimace when his head throbbed. “Because you love me so much?”

“Most of the time I choose to hate you.”

“Thanks.” Hide slid into a chair across from her. Despite the face that she hated him, she still poured him a cup of coffee and placed it in front of him. “I love you.”

“Fuck off.” She sat back down and started tying violently. “I swear, the only time I have to do this paper, and I’m too pissed off to fucking write it properly.” She pushed her laptop away. “Ugh. I just want to kick some ass? Is that too much to ask?”

Hide refrained from answer, since he didn’t want his ass kicked. He retreated from the kitchen with his coffee, deciding the next couple of hours would be best spent in Kaneki’s room. He could keep the lights off, and if he was feeling well enough after a bit, he could get some school work done.

He set his coffee on the bedside table, and laid back down. He rolled over and pressed his face into Kaneki’s pillow, smelling his shampoo. He snuggled closer to it, remembering the previous night. He and Kaneki got home relatively early from the party, Hide just a little past tipsy. He was hanging off Kaneki, not because he was drunk, but because he loved the feeling of Kaneki supporting his weight so easily.

He pulled Kaneki down for a kiss when they made their way to the bedroom, but Kaneki just brushed away Hide’s attempts at undressing him.

“You’ve had too much.” Kaneki’s lips brushed against his, silencing any complaints. “You should try to get some rest.”

Hide pouted up at him.

Kaneki’s lips twitched in amusement. He pressed his lips against Hide’s throat softly. “I’ll make it up to you later. Promise.” It took a surprisingly short time for Hide to fall asleep, wrapped up in Kaneki’s arms.

Despite his headache, Hide pulled out Kaneki’s note and read it again. He couldn’t help but grin. It read:

_If you’re feeling up to it, we’ll have our own celebration tonight_.

Hide hoped his headache would be gone then, since he wanted to experience everything Kaneki had to offer fully. He stretched out in the bed, wondering if they were going back to Hide’s place for privacy. He didn’t know Touka’s plans for the night, but judging by the way she was attacking her essay, she was going to be working on it for many hours.

After another hour or so of dozing off, Hide was feeling well enough to pull out his own laptop. He plugged it into the wall, then opened the window, hoping the outside air would help his headache. He contemplated getting some juice from the kitchen, and maybe something plain for breakfast, but decided to wait a bit longer.

He sat cross-legged on the bed. Naturally, instead of getting any work done, he started scrolling through youtube. Despite his dislike of Maris Stella, he really did love animals. And there were countless adorable videos of them on the internet.

He was watching one of those videos when someone slid unnoticed through his window. Hide only caught the brief reflection of something moving behind him on his screen before a strong-smelling rag covered his nose and mouth. He inhaled immediately in shock, breathing in the chemical.

It didn’t take long for him to pass out.

~<3<3<3~

Touka listened to her voicemail for at least the dozenth time.

_“Hi Touka… It’s me. It’s Yoriko. Call me. Please.”_

She clicked on Yoriko’s contact, her thumb hovering over the call button. Then she shoved her phone away with a groan. She just knew she had to go and ruin things. Her and Yoriko’s relationship was really, really good. And getting better.

They started out as friends in high school, and for a long time, Touka was scared to get any closer to her. Yoriko was her only human friend, and Touka cared deeply about her. She didn’t know what she would do if she lost her.

But gradually, as Touka grew up, she made more friends. She had Kaneki, Nishiki, even shitty Tsukiyama. She had her brother back, and she gained Hinami as a little sister. She discovered Yomo was her uncle.

She had more friends and family that she could have ever imagined.

High school ended. Touka was studying at Kamii and Yoriko was going to a culinary collage. They spent less time together, but it felt all the more important when they saw each other. A few months passed, and Touka finally worked up the nerve to confess.

She reached a point where she had enough support from the people around her, that even if she was rejected and Yoriko didn’t even want to be her friend anymore, she would be okay.

But things turned out better than okay. Touka confessed to Yoriko after they went out for coffee. Yorkio was looking as beautiful as ever, smiling peacefully as she told Touka about her day and all that she was learning in school. She was eager to try new recipes and try new methods of cooking things.

It was habit for Touka to walk Yoriko home. She always wanted to make sure she was safe, even though violent ghoul incidents were decreasing in frequency since the formation of the TSC. Touka paused at Yoriko’s doorstep. Yoriko stood in the doorway, one hand on the doorknob, ready to close it. She was looking at Touka in question, no doubt noticing her pinched expression. She asked Touka if something was wrong.

And then Touka blurted out the feelings she had for her. Touka had never been eloquent with the way she put things. She was blunt. And sometimes dense when it came to more romantic gestures.

Yoriko looked surprised, but slowly, she started to smile. She grabbed Touka by the wrist, pulled her inside, and kissed her silly.

With school and her work with the TSC, Touka was busy often, so they didn’t get to visit as often as Touka liked. Every time she went over, Yoriko would send her home with pots full of food, worried that with Touka’s busy schedule, that she wasn’t eating enough. As far as Yorkio knew, Touka was doing office work at the TSC, not hunting down rogue ghouls.

It took weeks for Touka to tell her the truth. And when she did, Yoriko sat there, a betrayed expression on her face. Touka couldn’t bare to stay any longer after that. She pulled away from Yoriko and left, hurrying out the door before she could say a word.

And then Yoriko left her the message on her phone. It was almost a week later, but Touka had yet to call her back. Despite her belief that she had support, and that she would be okay… it hurt so damn much. She didn’t want to call Yoriko and hurt herself even further.

Still… Touka took and deep breath and hit the call button.

Yoriko at least deserved to say her piece. They knew each other long enough that Touka felt she owed her that.

The phone rung three times before Yoriko picked up.

_“Touka?_ ”

“Hey,” Touka said lamely. Her throat felt tight, but she refused to cry. “I…”

_“I was so worried. Thank god you’re okay. You weren’t answering, and I didn’t know what to think._ ”

“I’m okay. Sorry.”

_“No. No, I’m sorry. You just… the news took me by surprise, that’s all. I thought… I – I understand why you kept it from me. But… thank you. For trusting me enough to tell me._ ”

Touka bit her lip, tears pooling in her eyes. “You don’t hate me?”

_“No. Never. I love you. I just feel terrible. All these years, I’ve been forcing you to eat human food. It must have been so horrible for you. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”_

“Don’t be.” Touka wiped roughly at her cheek. “I feel bad that I couldn’t truly enjoy your cooking. I know it’s delicious, and I wish I could taste it. But, it’s always made me happy, even if I couldn’t. I’ve always cherished what you’ve given me.”

Yorkio sniffled. _“I miss you. I want to see you._ ”

“I’m at home right now. I’m technically working, but it should be okay for you to come and visit. I’ll be stuck here for a while, doing guard duty.” Touka smiled. “Come. We’ll talk. I’ll make us some coffee.”

_“I’ll see you soon._ ”

When she hung up, Touka stared down at the phone in her hand. She couldn’t help but bring it to her chest, feeling the tension in her ease. Yoriko was okay with her being a ghoul. She loved Touka. She _missed_ her.

Touka glanced down at herself, taking in her gross sweatpants, her coffee-stained and stretched shirt, and holey socks. She swore. She had maybe half-an-hour before Yoriko got there. She hadn’t even washed her hair yet.

She quickly tidied up the kitchen, then took a quick shower. She didn’t have time to dry her hair, but at least it would look clean and smell good, even if it left her shirt damp. She threw together what she hoped was a half-decent outfit.

She put another pot of coffee on, since the one from earlier that morning was no longer fresh. At least with Hide living with them temporarily, they had a lot more food in the fridge. Yoriko and Hide shared a love of sugar drinks, so she at least had something else for Yoriko if she didn’t want coffee.

Touka turned to Hide’s room, eyebrows furrowed. She hadn’t heard from him in a while. She figured he probably passed out again, sleeping off his hangover. If he was up, she at least had to give him a warning that her girlfriend was coming over.

Thinking of Yoriko as her girlfriend made her grin.

She knocked on his door, but received no answer. “Hey, shithead. I’ve got company coming over. So don’t come wandering out in your underwear, okay?”

Still no answer. Not even the noise of Hide’s shifting in bed as Touka disturbed his sleep.

“Hide?” She knocked louder.

No answer.

“Oh fuck this.”

She pushed open the door, hoping she wouldn’t find him naked or masturbating. Instead, the room was empty, the window wide open. There was a note on the bed, edges fluttering in the light breeze.

Touka picked up the note, her heart seizing in her chest. With shaking hands, she grabbed her phone and called Kaneki.


	21. A Fated Outcome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (:

When Hide awoke, his head hurt fiercely. He was lying on the ground, his shoulder dug into the hard concrete. His broken arm was trapped painfully under him. He rolled onto his side with a groan. The movement only made his head pound like someone was whacking it with a sledgehammer.

There was a quiet conversation above him, which Hide struggled to hear. It felt like his ears were filled with cotton.

“He’ll come, won’t he?” The voice was high, stressed and reedy. Hide cracked open his eyes to see a disheveled older man wearing a pristine lab coat.

The voice that answered was raspy. It came from a hunched man with stringy hair. “We have the boyfriend, don’t we?” Hide recognized him as the ghoul that attacked him before. His stomach turned at the thought of being attacked again.

He had nothing on him, not even his keys. He was still in his pajama pants and one of Kaneki’s t-shirts.

There was one other woman there, her arms and face bandaged. Hide could see where blood stained the material, and he could smell the coppery scent in the air. She was eating a piece of raw meat, seemingly in desperation.

The doctor walked towards her and placed his hand on her shoulder. She mostly ignored him and continued to eat, although she did lean against him. He unwrapped a small section of her arm where the blood soaked into the bandage.

Hide’s stomach rolled.

It looked like her arm was full of writhing worms. It was her kagune, somehow growing inside of her, and piercing through her body. It wriggled uncontrollably. Hide couldn’t have imagined how painful it was.

The doctor rebandaged the wound, and the girl went to get more food. Then she settled at the computer, watching the screen with rapt attention.

The doctor turned to Hide, giving him a kind smile when he noticed he was awake. “I’m sorry for this unpleasantness,” he said. “But I only do what I have to.” He glanced towards the girl. “When you have kids, you’d do anything for them.”

Hide glanced around the room. It was filled with tanks, some of them filled with bodies. “Anything?” He asked. How many lives had he taken? “Why?”

The doctor frowned. “My daughter. She had a disease. It caused the RC cell levels in her blood to rise. In ghouls, that’s not an issue, but in humans…” The doctor shook his head. “It means death. And not a pretty one. So, I had to turn her into a ghoul. And when I saw Doctor Kanou’s ground-breaking research, I knew it was possible. My daughter didn’t have long left, and I had to try.”

“Something went wrong,” Hide said.

The doctor’s expression fell. “If I could just study a successful experiment, then _maybe_ I could find out. So you see then, why I need you? Why I’m doing this?”

Hide shook his head. “It doesn’t absolve you of the murder of so many people.” Hide nodded to the bodies on the wall. “They all had lives too. They all had loved ones. I have people that care about me too. So does Kaneki. I don’t want you to hurt him.”

“So you’d sacrifice my daughter’s life to save his?”

Hide closed his eyes, his jaw clenching. “That’s not the same.”

“Isn’t it?”

Hide tried to push himself up, but the ghoul with stringy hair swiftly kicked him in the stomach, sending him back down. The doctor frowned, looking on, but didn’t do anything so stop the rough treatment. Stringy pulled back his foot to kick Hide again. The doctor put his hand on his arm.

“Nao, dear. Do you see anything yet?”

The girl shook her head and the doctor sighed. He knelt down, close enough Hide’s could smell his breath.

“They’re supposed to be here in ten minutes. If they aren’t, we’re going to have to break something. Would you prefer your arm or your leg?”

“Fuck you.”

“I’m thinking about a leg. That way we don’t have to worry about you trying to run away.” The doctor tapped Hide’s leg just below the knee. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure it’s a clean break, so it heals nicely.”

Hide tried to kick him, but Stringy stomped on his broken arm. Hide cried out. He rolled onto his back and clutched his arm to his chest. Tears sprung to his eyes, but he refused to let them fall.

“The less you struggle, the less painful this will be for you,” the doctor said. “I don’t know why you continue to fight when you can’t win.”

“Why do you?” Hide bit out. “You think the TSC is going to take this sitting down? You’re fucked. You’re so fucked. Just give it up now. It will be less painful for you.”

Hide stayed on his back, trying to catch his breath. His arm hurt like hell. He could do nothing but stay there and try to think through the pain. There was no way he was getting out of this situation by himself. But from what the doctor told him, Kaneki was coming. He just had to trust that Kaneki had a plan.

“He’s here,” Nao said. “He’s alone.”

Stringy hauled Hide to his feet. He wrapped one arm around his waist to hold him up, and held the other to his throat. With his fingers curled and fingernails digging into Hide’s throat, the threat was clear.

The doctor smiled at Hide. “Looks like we might not have to break anything after all.”

Kaneki entered the room, kakugan active. His gaze immediately cut to Hide, taking in his pale and pained expression. Hide saw the anger flash in his eyes, although he maintained his composure when he turned to the doctor.

“I’ve come. As you’ve asked. Now let him go.”

The doctor snorted. “You think I’m just going to let him go?” He leisurely walked over to the table, picking up a syringe.

Kaneki’s jaw clenched, but he didn’t look surprised. He stayed where he was as the doctor walked up to him.

“If you so much as move, I’ll have his throat torn out,” the doctor said.

Kaneki stayed perfectly still as the doctor inserted the needle into his eye. He didn’t even flinch, though his expression was murderous.

“It’s my own mixture,” the doctor said. “RC suppressants, as well as tranquilizers. Even enough to drop a King.” The doctor smiled as if he made a joke.

Kaneki’s legs trembled, then his eyes rolled back into his head as he collapsed. His body hit the ground with a dull thump. Hide struggled against the hold Stringy had him in.

“Don’t hurt him,” he begged. “Please don’t hurt him. He doesn’t deserve any of this.”

The doctor paid Hide no attention.

“Release him,” the doctor ordered. “Outside, so he doesn’t try anything.”

But the hand over Hide’s throat tightened. His eyes watered as his airway was cut off.

“You got what you wanted,” Stringy said. “Now _I_ get what _I want_.”

The doctor frowned. “I don’t go back on my deals.”

“Yet you’ll go back on mine? You promised me him. And I’ll have what I was promised.”

Hide wheezed, hands coming to claw at Stringy’s arm uselessly.

Everything seemed to happen at once.

Kaneki wasn’t as incapacitated as thought. He grabbed the doctor by the lab coat and yanked him down. The doctor pulled away, fumbling for something in his lab coat. Then he pulled out a switchblade, flicking it open before driving it into Kaneki’s side. He screamed when Kaneki didn’t let go. Kaneki’s teeth dug into his throat, cutting off his scream. They fell to the ground together.

The door to the room was busted open by Tsukiyama, allowing Touka, Amon, Akira and Suzuya to burst into the room. Akira and Suzuya both had guns, while Amon was brandishing his quinque. Touka and Tsukiyama both had their kagune out.

The tanks in the room opened. Bodies spilled out onto the floor. Some of them stayed down, dead. Others rose to their feet. Their eyes were blank, even as they transformed into kakugan. Their kagune writhed their way out, worming through their body in erratic ways.

Nao stood up at the desk. She was hastily undoing her bandages. Her kagune writhed out of her body. It seemed like she had some control of it. She sent tendril towards Amon and Akira, who had to roll out of the way. Suzuya flipped over one of the tendrils with a laugh, popping some shots off. Just before they could puncture Nao’s skin, her kagune wormed out of her skin and blocked them. Those pieces of the kagune disintegrated and fell to the floor, the bullets falling with them.

Stringy took the opportunity to drag Hide towards the back of the room. Despite his struggling, Hide could do nothing to stop him. He kicked and punched, but the ghoul hardly acknowledged him. He dragged him through a back exit, then threw Hide to the ground.

Hide gasped as he landed on his broken arm.

“We were interrupted last time,” Stringy said. “But not this time. This time, I’ll make sure you suffer.”

He descended on Hide. He tried to push him away, but even without a broken arm, he would have been too weak. This first bite was from Hide’s shoulder. He felt the sickeningly familiar way it was torn away from him. He remembered how it felt, but he still couldn’t brace himself for the pain. He screamed and kicked at Stringy, but to no avail.

“Do you want to know why your parents killed my brother?” Stringy’s lips were covered in blood. “Because they were trying to make a better world for you. A world without ghouls that could harm their little boy.”

He took another bite, from Hide’s neck. It was shallow, but it still hurt.

“Now look what’s happening to you.” The blood from Stringy’s mouth was dripping onto Hide’s face. “Someone already killed them, so I had to settle with you. Do you think they’d regret their actions, if they saw what they caused? What happened to their little boy because of them?”

Hide struggled under him, trying to stab his fingers into Stringy’s eyes. But Stringy learned from last time. He grabbed Hide’s hands and pinned them over his head.

“I looked for you for a long time,” Stringy said. “I found your parents names in the newspapers. Yours too. But I was never able to find you after that. Even with my contacts, no one seemed to know you, or where you were. So you can imagine my surprise when a doctor came to me, saying he found Nagachika Hideyoshi. And that I would just need to do a few things for him to have you. I was sent to spy on the One-Eyed King himself. And there you were, right beside him. Fitting for a coward like him, who bends to wills of humans, to be with a coward like you.”

Then he went back to eating.

Hide didn’t know when he passed out, just that it wasn’t soon enough.

~<3<3<3~

Kaneki was only out for a few seconds after he tackled the doctor. He finished swallowing the piece of meat in his mouth, then quickly put pressure on the wound. Still, with the amount of blood pouring out of the doctor’s neck, he would be dead within minutes.

The rest of the team was fighting the failed experiments and the young woman with the strange parasitic kagune. Kaneki cast a quick glance around the room, his stomach sinking when he noticed Hide was missing. So was the ghoul that attacked him earlier.

It was an easy decision to leave the doctor on the ground. However, it was difficult to stand. The amount of RC suppressants and tranquilizers given to him wasn’t enough to knock him out, but it was certainly enough to slow him down.

He trudged forward, stumbling to the wall for support. He saw a door that was left ajar. He stepped through, finding a short hallway. At the end of it, he could see two figures on the ground, one above the other.

He heard the familiar sound of flesh tearing, and the smacking of lips. His own kakugan reacted as he caught the scent of blood. But he didn’t lose control. He recognized the scent of the blood.

_Hide_.

Despite his weakened state, Kaneki’s kagune flared out behind him. The ghoul, distracted by his meal, hardly had time to react as Kaneki’s kagune tore through his stomach. Blood splattered the walls. As Kaneki tossed the body aside, he saw the expression of disbelief on the ghoul’s face.

Kaneki didn’t want to give him a chance to survive. His next strike obliterated his head.

Hide was lying there, covered in blood and gasping weakly. Where there wasn’t blood and gore, his skin was pale. His eyes were closed, and he was clearly unconscious, but Kaneki imagined he was still in pain. Kaneki tore his sweater off, and pressed the material against Hide’s neck and face to slow the bleeding.

He had no idea about his other injuries. He couldn’t move him. The only thing he could do was scream for help until his voice was raw.

Akira was the first to come. The situation in the lab must have been under control enough for her to leave. She gasped when she saw Hide, but jumped into action right away. She made a call for medics, then crouched at Hide’s side, holding his hand.

It took far too long for the medics to make it there. By the time they arrived, the fight inside was already over, Tsukiyama taking care of the bodies and waiting for operatives from Tactics and Intelligence to arrive. Suzuya was with him, in case there were any stragglers that tried to attack anyone. Meanwhile, Touka and Amon joined Kaneki and Akira.

Amon stood behind Akira, jaw clenched and hand on his quinque. Akira leaned back against his leg, looking worn. Touka was crouched beside Kaneki, one hand on his shoulder.

The medics came and loaded Hide onto a stretcher. They wouldn’t let anyone in the ambulance with them, but Amon promised to follow them all the way to the hospital in his vehicle.

Kaneki and Akira climbed into the backseat of the car. Both of them were covered in blood, particularly Kaneki’s hands. He couldn’t look at them without shaking, so he buried them between his knees and tried not to cry.

He told Hide he wouldn’t let anything happen to him. He did his best to make sure he wouldn’t get hurt, but it wasn’t enough. And now –

Akira touched his shoulder lightly, her eyes wet with tears. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him towards her. Kaneki pressed his face against her shoulder, returning the hug. Once the first sob escaped him, he couldn’t step the rest. They cried together in the backseat of Amon’s car until they reached the hospital.

“We have to believe he’ll be okay,” Akira said as she pulled away, keeping a hold of Kaneki’s hand.

Kaneki nodded numbly. He removed his mask from his face, not even caring about keeping his identity a secret. The went into the hospital. Amon spoke with the nurse, while Akira and Kaneki stood behind him.

They were led to a waiting room, and were directed to a bathroom down the hall to clean up. The doctors took pity on them and they were given a couple pairs of scrubs to change into. Kaneki cleaned himself mechanically, heading right back to the waiting room when he was done.

Akira followed shortly after, settling beside him. Amon told them that the doctors came out while they were in the bathroom. Hide was doing fine, and he was going into surgery. The doctors would update them again soon. Amon sat beside Akira, wrapping an arm around her.

It was a couple hours later when the door to the waiting room opened. Touka stood there without her mask. She glared at Amon, as if daring him to say anything about it. She was carrying a tray filled with coffee cups, as well as bag with two styrofoam containers.

She passed Kaneki one of the coffees, who took it in his still-shaking hands. She also passed out coffee to Akira and Amon, as well as a styrofoam container to each. “I know you probably don’t feel like it, but you should eat something.” She handed them spoons.

She didn’t wait for their response. Instead, she settled on the other side of Kaneki. She nudged him with her shoulder, and Kaneki took the invitation to lean against her. He rested his head against her shoulder, closing his eyes when she wrapped an arm around him and rubbed small circles on his shoulder.

The doctors came by, but they didn’t have anything new to tell them. Hide was still in surgery, and he was still doing well.

The more time passed, the more stressed and exhausted Kaneki became. He was worried that the door would open and the doctor would step in with a grave expression. He would apologize and tell them that Hide didn’t pull through.

Finally, the doctor came to see them. His expression was serious, making Kaneki’s stomach twist.

“Hideyoshi’s pulled through surgery,” he said. “However…”

Kaneki saw the extent of his injuries. He knew it wasn’t pretty, and that there would be a long recovery. He also knew that for Hide, things might never be the same.


	22. A Difficult Recovery

Hide awoke. He was in the worst pain he ever experienced, save for when –

Hide remembered the flash of white teeth and blood flying as the flesh was torn from his face. His chest clenched and he gripped at the sheets under him weakly. He groaned, his throat aching. He flinched when he felt someone take his hand. He tried to pull away, but it only caused him more pain. His hand was released.

There were voices above him, speaking softly. There were some soft noises of things being moved around, then the pain was disappearing again, and he was drifting off back into the darkness.

The next time Hide awoke, he opened his eyes. The ceiling was white, the light in his room off, and soft light filtering through the window. He could hear beeping next to him, familiar from the past times he’d been in hospitals.

Somehow, he’d survived. He was no longer under the ghoul, being eaten alive.

He must have made some type of noise, because a figure slowly moved into view above him. Kaneki peered down at him, his face wrought with worry. Hide tried to speak, but all that came from his throat was a low, painful sound.

“Don’t try to speak.” Kaneki reached for Hide like he was afraid he would pull away. He ran his fingers through Hide’s hair and smiled. He looked gentle, and a little sad. “There was some damage to your vocal cords. They fixed them up in surgery, but you need to let them heal. Then… then we’ll see…”

Hide raised his unbandaged hand to his throat. His I.V. pinched his forearm as he felt the bandages across his face, and the tubes that were in his nose. He was terrified to find out how much damage was done.

He reached for Kaneki, feeling tears leak out of his eyes. Kaneki grabbed his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. He kissed the back of Hide’s knuckles, then massaged his hand.

Hide wanted to ask him so many questions, but he couldn’t speak. He couldn’t even convey his need for Kaneki to hold him. He shook his hand free of Kaneki’s grasp. Ignoring Kaneki’s worried expression, he weakly grabbed his shirt and gave it a little tug.

It took a second of Kaneki to understand. Then he carefully settled on the edge of Hide’s bed, draping an arm lightly over his stomach. Hide wanted to turn his head and bury it into his shoulder, but everything hurt so damn much. He had to make himself content with just Kaneki’s warmth beside him, and the gentle pressure of Kaneki’s hand as he made circles on Hide’s hip.

After a few minutes a nurse came in. She asked him a few yes or no questions, getting him to hold up one finger for yes, and two for no. She made some adjustments to his I.V., then told him the doctor would be with him shortly.

The doctor was an older man with dyed black hair. He smiled kindly and explained Hide’s injuries carefully, as well as the treatment plan.

There was extensive damage to the tissues of Hide’s face and throat. The most debilitating being the damage to his vocal cords. They were hoping he would have some use of them after healing and therapy, although he shouldn’t expect them to be the same as before. They also did reconstructive surgery on his face and neck, but would have to expect many more surgeries in the future.

Hide could do nothing but lie there and listen with detachment. Even though he was in pain, it still didn’t seem real. His head was spinning with all the information. All he wanted to do was close his eyes, then wake up with how things used to be. He wanted to be in Kaneki’s arms on his couch, having dozed through another round of dramas and chocolate cake.

The doctor left, but not before telling Hide that in a couple weeks, they would take the bandages off his face. He told Hide that he should prepare himself for it.

When the doctor left, Kaneki returned to massaging his hip. He spoke to Hide softly, but Hide wasn’t really listening. He closed his eyes, focused on Kaneki beside him, and dreamed that everything was still okay.

~<3<3<3~

Akira put a hand on Kaneki’s shoulder. Hide still hadn’t come out of the bathroom.

They unbandaged his face a few minutes earlier. Hide sat there with a blank expression as he stared at himself. Once the nurses bandaged him back up, he retreated to the bathroom and locked himself inside. It had been an hour since then.

Kaneki waited outside, twisted his hands together nervously. More than once he cracked his knuckles, wishing he had done things differently. He wished he’d attacked the ghoul right away, instead of going after the doctor. He wished he’d attacked before he’d been injected with the suppressants and tranquilizers. Then maybe, Hide wouldn’t be in so much pain and distress.

At Hide’s beside was a large notebook Akira got him, as well as a thick black marker. It was for communicating. When Akira gave it to him, Hide took one look at it and turned over in bed. Since then, it was sitting on the table beside Hide’s bed, occasionally picked up, but never used.

“It’s not your fault,” Akira said, for umpteenth time. “We were all there.”

“It is my fault,” Kaneki said. Hide was attacked because of him. If it wasn’t for Kaneki… if Hide never met him…

Akira sighed and pushed to her feet. She sent Kaneki a glare. “Fine. Blame yourself all you want, but _later_. You don’t have time to be upset with yourself. Hide _needs_ you. Every bit of you.” She pounded on the door. “ _Nagachika Hideyoshi_. Open this door right now, or I’ll break it down.”

Silence.

There was a click, then the door opened just enough for Akira to squeeze through. Kaneki perked up, but she closed the door behind her. Kaneki heard the lock click shut again. He deflated, settling back onto Hide’s bed.

He closed his eyes. While he didn’t want to intrude, he couldn’t ignore Akira’s voice.

“Your roots are growing out again…”

There was a clatter.

A sigh. “Don’t kick the cabinet, you’ll just stub your toe.”

Silence.

“Hide… you can’t just hide out in here. Let us help you. Let us be here to you. _Hide_ –“

The bathroom door was shoved open and Hide strode out. He avoided Kaneki, not even glancing in his direction. He grabbed the notebook of the table, making a vase of flowers Akira got for him crash to the ground. He wrote furiously with his left hand, the letters slopping and hardly legible. Then he tossed the marker across the room and laid in bed, pulling the blanket over his head.

The notebook said: _You can’t do anything to help_.

Akira stared at it for a long moment, then went across the room and retrieved the marker. She placed it back beside the notebook on the bedside and spoke softly. “Thank you for talking to us.”

Hide stiffened, but he didn’t lower the blankets. Akira left the room, closing the door behind her. Kaneki tentatively sat on the bed beside Hide. He didn’t try to lift the blankets, or try to prompt Hide. He let him be.

Eventually, Hide lowered the blankets. He stared up at Kaneki for a long moment, his expression indecipherable. Kaneki was careful to keep his own expression blank. He didn’t know if a smile or a frown could set him off.

They stared at each other for a long moment.

Then Hide’s eyes squeezed shut and he curled in on himself, body shaking with his cries. Kaneki bit his lip to hold back his own. He touched Hide’s shoulder, moving to hug Hide when he shifted closer to him instead of recoiling. Hide cried against his chest, clutching at Kaneki’s back weakly.

When Hide finally relaxed, having cried himself out, Kaneki wiped his tears away with a tissue. Hide sniffled, then slowly turned in Kaneki’s hold. Kaneki released him, worried Hide was going to lock himself in the bathroom again. Instead, he grabbed the notebook and the marker.

He stared at the note he left, then crossed it out. He flipped the page over, writing far more carefully than before.

_You’ll stay?_

“Always. No matter what. I love you.” Kaneki only realized then that it was the first time he said those words.

A few more tears escaped Hide’s eyes. He rubbed them away before writing again.

 _I love you too_.

~<3<3<3~

Hide went through one more surgery before he was allowed to go home. A few days later, he was in Kaneki’s bed instead of the hospital one. He was able to eat some foods again, although his injuries made it a rather difficult and messy process.

Physically, he was feeling better. His face hurt a lot less, and in a few weeks, his cast would come off. But almost every night he was waking from nightmares, Kaneki’s soft words and touches doing nothing to sooth him. Even when he was awake, he would sometimes be seized by an indescribable terror, leaving him shaking and gasping for breath.

Panic attacks, Akira told him.

Exhausted, Hide spent most of his time in bed. Kaneki brought the television in the room, so Hide could watch some of his favourite dramas when he was up to it. One was playing quietly in the background. Kaneki put it on before he left.

Kaneki left rarely, although he sometimes had to for some TSC business that was inescapable. After Hide was out of the hospital, Tsukiyama and Amon spent most of their time wrapping up the investigation. As far as they knew, they controlled the leak of Kanou’s experiments. But there was always the possibility of someone having files, or some other type of proof.

Other times, Kaneki left to get something from the store. Or just left when Hide made it clear he needed his space. Whenever Kaneki was gone, Touka was there, though she usually left Hide to himself. That is, unless he left the room to seek her out.

However, today was different.

Touka knocked on his door, then opened it shortly after. She poked her head in, raising her eyebrows when she saw Hide lying in bed, like always.

“You’ll waste away like that,” she said.

Hide narrowed his eyes at her.

She strode into the room, closing the door behind her. “Did Kaneki ever tell you about the Anteiku Raid?”

Hide held up two fingers.

Touka sat on the edge of the bed. “You should ask him about it… he was injured. Very badly. And while I know it’s different for ghouls rather than humans, it took a long time for him to recover. It took him a long time to remember his goals and his dreams.” She smiled. “I’ve never asked you about your goals. Your dreams?”

Hide reached for his notebook. Him and Kaneki were learning some sign-language together when Hide had the energy, but it was slow coming. Touka learned a couple basics, but neither of them were fluent enough yet to hold a serious conversation. 

_What do my goals and dreams have to do with this_?

“For some people, it’s what gets them out of bed in the morning.”

Hide glared.

Touka smiled and patted his leg under the blanket. “I’m not saying you need to get up and conquer the world, Hide. When Kaneki was recovering, and he was finally able to join us for a meal again, I was so happy I could cry. That’s what I’m asking. My girlfriend brought over some of that soup you like. And ice cream. Come join us in the kitchen. You don’t have to get changed or anything. I’ll even grab you those stupid bunny slippers Kaneki bought you.”

Hide frowned at her for a long moment, then sighed.

_What type of ice cream?_

“Chocolate and caramel.” Touka grinned, then snagged Hide’s slippers from the corner of the room.

Hide tossed his blankets off and swung his legs out of bed. He was wearing a borrowed pair of Kaneki’s sweatpants and one of his own shirts. He slid the slippers on, then followed Touka out of the door.

Yoriko was doling out the soup between two plates, humming softly to herself. Hide never met Yoriko, although he did hear a little about her from Touka. She smiled softly when Touka kissed her cheek. She placed one of the bowls in front of Hide when he sat down. Meanwhile, Touka got herself some coffee, and simulation rice that she always ate, but still complained about.

Hide pulled at the edge of the cloth covering his face, hesitating. When he wasn’t bandaged after the surgeries, he usually covered the wounds with something a little lighter, like a mask or a bandana. However, Yoriko had yet to see him without it. He hoped it wouldn’t scare her. He could be pretty hard to look at.

He removed the cloth. Yorkio smiled at him. She didn’t advert her gaze from Hide’s injuries, but she didn’t stare either.

“I got a new food processer, so it should be smoother this time,” Yoriko said. “I also added some cream and cheese for more richness.”

Hide wrote a quick note after he tried a spoonful.

_10/10_

Yoriko grinned. “Tsukiyama got me a part-time job with the TSC. I get to be able to help create new simulation meals, making them more like human meals by smell, taste, texture and appearance in comparison.”

“I’ve always wanted to try cake,” Touka said. “Or ice cream.”

Yoriko beamed. “I’ll try to make some. Right now, Tsukiyama has me working on different foods for bento boxes. So that ghoul kids can feel normal when they’re eating at school.”

No longer would ghoul kids have to eat human food, then run to the bathroom to throw it up. Nowadays, even with being a ghoul legalized, some did it to avoid the stigma.

“I would definitely take one to university,” Touka said. “It’s nice to have a meal outside. Especially when it’s with someone else.” She nudged Yoriko with her shoulder.

Yoriko giggled.

Hide hastily scribbled down a note for Touka.

_How are your studies?_

“Good. I got my marks for that essay you did the translations for. My professor sent it off to a few places, saying it could open some door for me, especially if I’m looking to delve into research. But Kimi said she already has a spot for me when I graduate, if I want it.”

Hide hoped Touka would be happy, no matter what she decided.

Earlier Touka asked about his hopes and dreams. For Hide, his main hope and dream was always to be happy. And the things that made him happy was loving other people, and being loved. He hated hurting others. He hated watching others be hurt. That was why he sabotaged so many CCG investigations. That was why he considered working for the TSC.

But now? Hide was scared. He was scared to do the things that made him happy. He hated to admit that. And sometimes, all he wanted to do was curl into a ball and will the world away.

He finished his meal, and held up a note saying thank you to Yoriko. He retreated back to Kaneki’s room, where he threw himself back down in bed. He was so caught up in his worries that he forgot there was even ice cream, until Touka knocked on his door and brought him a bowl.

He ate it in bed, staring at his phone. His last message to Akira was before the incident. It was them making plans to get coffee after she was finished work. Hide took a deep breath and sent a quick message.

_Do you have any translation work for me?_

She responded almost immediately, letting him know she would email him something. Hide got his laptop from the bedside table, last used to browse youtube. He closed all his windows, then waited for the email to come through.

It was a simple translation. Relatively short too. It took Hide only three hours to do. He ate his ice cream while he worked, and when he finished that, he went to the kitchen to get a drink. Touka glanced up at him with surprise from where her and Yoriko were cuddling on the couch, but he waved her off.

Once he was done, he requested more. The next piece Akira sent him would take a whole day’s work, and considering it was almost dinnertime, there was no way he would finish it that night.

Still, he started to work. Kaneki came home a couple hours later, Hide hardly noticing him, since he was so focused. He only glanced up when Kaneki replaced his empty drink with a full one. His hands froze on the keyboard, and Kaneki’s expression froze as well.

Slowly, Hide closed the laptop and reached out for him. Kaneki leaned into his hug, letting Hide pull him down beside him on the bed. Hide leaned his head against Kaneki’s chest, feeling his strong arms encircle him.

Hide squirmed out his grasp just enough to grab his notebook. Kaneki tilted his head as Hide wrote.

_I’m scared. But I don’t want to be._

Kaneki’s lips wobbled. “Me too. I’m sor –“

Hide held up a hand and wrote.

_Not your fault._

Kaneki never tried to apologize for what happened before, which was odd for him. Hide guessed it was Akira’s interference. But Hide knew Kaneki blamed himself. He always did. Even though it was Stringy who attacked Hide, and even though it was his parents who killed Stringy’s brother, Kaneki would always blame himself for not being able to protect him.

“I know,” Kaneki said softly, like he didn’t believe it.

_Can you help me not be afraid?_

“How?” Kaneki perked up a little, always happy to be able to help in any way he could.

_I want to get Akira breakfast tomorrow morning. Come with me?_

Hide pushed her away when he was in the hospital, and then never tried to reconnect when he was discharged. The first time she heard from him was just a few hours ago, and it was regarding work. Hide didn’t want to keep pushing her away. Or anyone else.

He wanted to be happy, even if it meant being afraid sometimes. The people he loved would help him through it.


	23. A Happy Ending

Hide was immensely grateful that restaurants were beginning to cater to ghouls by offering synthetic foods. He accepted the delivery at the door while Kaneki was in the shower, quickly doling the food out onto plates. He lit a few candles, turned off the lights and viola! A romantic dinner. Perfect, considering Hide had no time that morning to prepare, since he was at Kaneki’s graduation with him.

At twenty-five, Kaneki completed his literature degree, and was considering further studies. He also had a contract with a writing agency under a penname, although Hide was the only one who knew about that. His agent contacted Kaneki a few days earlier to let him know about the book deal.

This dinner was a celebration for both, considering they were too busy with work at the TSC to celebrate earlier in the week.

Kaneki paused as he stepped out of the bathroom, his towel around his waist. He looked at the dinner spread with a smile. “I guess I should get dressed,” he said.

Hide grinned. “Or you could stay naked.” He waggled his eyebrows. “You’d probably be losing the clothes later anyway.” He poured them some wine, red in his case, and blood in Kaneki’s.

Kaneki rolled his eyes. “As if you don’t like undressing me.” He went to the bedroom, leaving the door open. Hide got a nice view of his ass before he put pants on.

He came back out in a white shirt and slacks. Hide leaned up to accept his kiss. Hide’s lips were heavily scarred, and didn’t have as much feeling in them as they used to, but the kiss still made tingles go down his spine. Hide was undergoing continual treatment in a research trial using RC cells for tissue regeneration in humans. With his prior reconstructive surgery, he was having a decent outcome. He had most of his function back, and the overall scarring was reduced, but his face would never be same again. He didn’t have all the feeling back in it. And he still usually opted to wear a mask out in public so he wouldn’t get stared at. However, at home or at the office, he usually went without. People knew him well enough they weren’t thrown off guard by the scars.

He was happy he could eat normally again. It used to be a difficult and messy ordeal, even with pureed foods. But now he could eat anything he wanted.

The research trial also helped him with his speaking. While he was able to a few months after the original injury, his voice was quiet and raspy, and sometimes hurt to use. But after the trial, he started noticing he could talk more, he could talk louder, and it didn’t hurt quite as much.

Nothing was one hundred percent, but it was better than Hide could have ever hoped for.

“I got your favourite,” he told Kaneki.

Kaneki liked the rice noodles they recently released. He usually had them with meat that resembled pork. He also usually tried any ‘vegetables’ if they had them. They were starting to come out with them. Kaneki said they didn’t get them right too often, but they looked real enough. He hoped they would improve them over the following years.

“How was work?” Kaneki asked.

Hide groaned. “Seidou’s getting all starry-eyed over a new employee. Again.” He shoved some food into his mouth and signed at Kaneki. _‘He’s insufferable.’_

Hide was working full time at the TSC, usually with Tactics and Intelligence. However, a couple years ago he did start training in combat. Sometimes he would have to go on site to gather information, so it was better to be safe. Last year, he was given his own quinque. It was a simple one that transformed into a long and jagged sword. One edge was razor sharp and the other resembled a saw. He regularly practiced with it, and Kaneki all too happy to help.

They finished their meal, and continued to sip their wine. They put out the candles and moved outside, onto their small balcony. It had a few plants on it. They were mostly flowers, but Hide also liked to grow vegetables. Especially tomatoes.

They got a place together years earlier. Originally, they had a small one-bedroom. But after a few years, they decided to get something a little bigger. Their apartment now had two bedrooms. One bedroom they were occupying. The other was empty. They were waiting for their papers to go through to the TSC’s adoption agency.

Hide was excited to be a father, but scared as well. He’d always wanted a family. But at the same time, he was always scared he was going to lose them again.

Kaneki leaned against the metal railing, watching the traffic pass below. He had a soft, content smile on his face. Hide cupped his cheek, leaning in to kiss him. He tasted blood on his lips. Kaneki long got over the weirdness he felt over Hide kissing him after he’d eaten or drank.

Hide deepened the kiss, then hooked his fingers in Kaneki’s beltloops and pulled him back inside. Kaneki chuckled, then quickly drank the rest of his wine. He took both his and Hide’s glass to the kitchen. Hide made a nuisance of himself, hovering behind Kaneki and kissing marks on his neck. They always immediately disappeared, but Hide always had fun making new ones.

Once Kaneki put the glasses in the sink, he spun around. He grabbed Hide by the hips and lifted him up. “Come here, you menace.”

~<3<3<3~

After a long day in the lab, Touka’s head was killing her. She was working on a few projects with Kimi. They were studying the genome of ghouls, to find what exactly made them different than humans.

Touka pinched the bridge of her nose, squinting her eyes against the glare of the streetlights. She made her way up to her apartment. Even down the hall, she could smell what Yoriko cooked for dinner. There was the scent of human food and spices, as well as the distinct scent of simulated food.

As she moved to unlock her door, there were voices coming from with in. One was Yoriko’s, and the other…

Touka opened the door and grinned. Hinami took two running steps towards her, then almost tackled her to the ground. Touka had to take a step back to keep her balance. Ayato was sitting at the table, smiling slightly as he sipped his coffee.

“Touka!” Hinami cried. She stepped back and held out her hand. On her ring finger was a beautiful and elegant white gold band.

Ayato blushed when Touka cocked an eyebrow at him. She pulled Hinami into a hug. “Congratulations. Both of you.”

Yoriko stepped beside Touka, looping an arm around her waist. “I’ve made some stew. There’s also cake and ice cream for later. Coffee?”

Touka nodded. She grabbed Hinami’s hand, making sure to get a closer look at the ring. Hinami told her about Ayato’s proposal. How they went out to a nice restaurant that catered to ghouls, and how he got all dressed up for her.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a suit,” Touka grinned. “Guess I’ll have to wait until the wedding.”

“He looked handsome,” Hinami said.

Touka pulled Hinami towards the table. They both took a seat, Yoriko giving Touka her coffee. “Are you planning the big day yet?”

“Not yet,” Hinami said. She nudged Ayato with her elbow, earning a smile. “I think I’d like a spring wedding, but this upcoming year is too soon to plan everything. Maybe the following one?”

“We should look at venues,” Ayato said. “So we can make sure we get something we like.”

“I can do the catering,” Yoriko offered. “I’ve been working on some new simulated cakes. Touka’s been taste-testing them. Would you like to try some?”

Hinami accepted enthusiastically, then began to talk about dresses and flowers.

Yoriko brought out food, and all conversation ceased. Touka took Yoriko’s hand under the table, giving it a squeeze. She thought about the little box she had hidden away, her own question still unasked and unanswered.

Yoriko was grinning, conversing with Touka’s family as if they were her own. When Touka imagined her ring on Yoriko’s finger, she couldn’t help but smile.

She would work up the nerve to ask. Eventually.

~<3<3<3~

Amon sat wide-eyed on Akira’s couch. Maris Stella was sitting on his lap, purring and kneading his pants with her paws. He half-expected her to yowl or claw him, but for once, she seemed content with his presence.

Akira was in the shower, cleaning up after a long day. They had to fight a rogue ghoul, and things had gotten a little messy. Nothing but some bruises on their part, thankfully. After a few minutes of silence between Amon and the cat, she stepped out in underwear and an old t-shirt, towel-drying her hair. She paused when she saw the cat in Amon’s lap and his apprehensive expression.

“Looks like she finally accepted you.”

“She hasn’t accepted me,” he argued. “She’s bidding her time. Then she’ll pounce when I least expect it.”

Akira rolled her eyes. “It’s your turn in the shower. You’re going to have to move her.”

Amon looked up at her in horror. He didn’t appreciate getting clawed in the face.

Akira sighed and picked Maris Stella up, who only gave a quiet meow in complaint. She set Maris Stella on the entrance mat, where she usually liked to lay. It was probably because she got the opportunity to attack anyone who entered the apartment.

Amon went and cleaned up, thankful to get out off his suit and into some comfortable clothing. The heat always felt good against his scarred arm, so he stood under the faucet for a while, feeling coiled muscles relax. By the time he was out of the shower, the bathroom was steamy, even with the fan running.

After leaving the bathroom, they ate a quick supper of leftovers from the takeout they got the previous night. They didn’t even do the dishes, instead choosing to go straight to bed. Amon couldn’t help but groan when he laid down on his tender hip. He readjusted on his back while Akira turned off the lights. She climbed in next to him, trailing her fingers across his arm.

The skin was still hot from the shower, so her fingers felt cool by comparison. Everywhere she touched tingled. She rolled onto her side, propping herself up on her elbow. She stared down at Amon with an indecipherable expression.

“Have you ever thought about having kids?”

Amon almost choked. “Where is this coming from?”

Akira hummed. “Hide and Kaneki put in for adoption, and it really got me thinking. About whether or not I wanted to start a family.” Akira tilted her head. “Have you thought about it?”

Amon wet his lips. “I have. I think I would like to have kids. Eventually.”

Akira flopped back over. “I think I do too. Eventually.”

“But not now?”

“No. Not now. A few years maybe.” Akira sighed softy and wrapped an arm around Amon’s and threw a leg over his. “I don’t get enough damn sleep as it is.”

~<3<3<3~

Rize sat up slowly, feeling deliciously sore. Her long hair was mused, so she ran her fingers through it, bringing it over her one shoulder. The mattress shifted behind her, and she couldn’t help but grin.

“You’re even more insatiable than I am.”

Eto snorted as she wrapped an arm around Rize’s waist. “How could I not be?”

She was still tangled up in her bedsheets, her hair messy from sex. Her one kakugan was active, eyes narrowed. She looked dangerous and otherworldly. Rize wanted to throw her back on the bed and taste her again. Instead, she pulled back.

Eto hunted her down shortly after she escaped. Not because she was trying to bring Rize back into TSC custody, but because she was curious about Kaneki’s stories of how Rize manipulated her kagune. Eto took interest in her capabilities, among other things.

“I should go,” Rize said. “Before your King catches my scent and sends his TSC dogs after me.”

Eto snorted. “He knows better than to interfere with my business.” She released Rize and kicked her blankets off. She grabbed a hair tie from the floor, giving herself a quick and messy bun. “Come, I have something for you.”

Eto strode into her living room naked, Rize following close behind. Eto retrieved a folder from one of her shelves, handing it to Rize. Rize recognized the folder and its contents. She couldn’t help but grin.

“You always give me the best presents.”

Inside the folder were files on different men in Mitaka, her new hunting ground. Most of the men didn’t have much family, and weren’t easily noticed when they went missing. Others, Rize was sure Eto wanted gone for one reason or another. But, she didn’t ask. She was content with killing them and eating them.

Rize moved to Mitaka after escaping. Although, once Kaneki extended the TSC outside of Tokyo, she may have to move further. Eto already discussed it with her, having inside information on when the TSC would be moving to work with the nearby cities.

Already, there were changes in the ghoul world. They were becoming more visible, now that simulated meats were available. Ghoul-related crime was decreasing, even in areas that were not policed by the TSC, or other organizations like it. It made Rize stand out more. And she didn’t need to be drawing any more attention.

Rize put the file by the door so she could grab it on her way out.

Eto pulled meat out from the fridge. It wasn’t any simulation crap. It was the real thing. She held out half to Rize before biting into her own. Blood ran down her chin, down her neck and over her breasts as she ate.

Rize knew she did it on purpose. They played this game often enough. After they were finished their meal, Eto grabbed Rize by the wrist and pulled her back into the bedroom. Rize, like always, decided they could go one more round before she headed off.

She licked the blood off Eto, all the way down until she was nestled between her legs. She felt hands in her hair, urging her on. She slipped her fingers into herself as she ate her out. She couldn’t help but moan when Eto came, trembling around her own fingers.

She took a long shower afterward, feeling languid and satisfied. By the time she got out, Eto already wrapped herself up in her silk nightgown. She had her laptop balanced on her lap, and was furiously typing away.

When she got into work like that, she hardly noticed anything around her. As Rize walked past her, she kissed Eto’s cheek, then nipped her ear. “Until next time.”

Eto smirked. “The driver’s waiting for you out front. Enjoy hunting.”

Rize was familiar with her driver: a bulky human who looked like his meat would be too tough to enjoy. He opened the door for Rize, then walked around to the driver’s side. As he drove her back home, Rize looked over the files Eto gave her.

It was nothing different than the usual. Rize flipped through the files, wrinkling her nose at some of the men. But food was food. And so long as they screamed when she tore into them, she was happy.

She flipped to the last page, surprised she recognized the man. He was not someone whose death would be unnoticed. He was a businessman, notorious for his distaste for the TSC, and for fearmongering. He thought the expansion of the TSC into nearby cities would be the end of life as they knew it. He was a strong believer that the TSC were the opposite of what they actually were. That they kept humans in cages and bred them like cattle. That they took people off the streets and ate them.

After his file, there was another smaller envelope. There was the address for an apartment in a different city nearby. There were all necessary ID’s for Rize, all under a different name than the one she was currently using. It was all she needed to start a new life. It was exactly like the file Eto gave her a few years earlier.

Rize resisted the urge to toss the file out the window.

She always knew that Eto had reasons for giving her the files on certain men. But she hadn’t expected for her to use Rize to pave the way for the TSC. Rize was getting rid of the people that were outspoken against them. She was making sure that things went smoothly for Eto’s appointed King.

Because Rize knew, Kaneki wasn’t the real leader of the ghoul underground. That would be Eto, the Empress. She did the dirty work. She pulled all the strings from within the shadows. She wasn’t the figurehead of the organization, but she even manipulated the formation of it. She had Kaneki created for the sole purpose of leading it.

And here Rize was, getting her strings pulled too.

The driver dropped her off. Rize went up to her apartment and laid the folder out on her counter. As she unpacked the contents, a small letter fell to the ground.

Rize picked it up.

_Next time, we’ll hunt together. Your pick._

Rize sighed softly. While there were certainly targets in the folder that would further Eto’s plans, there were also some Rize was sure were solely there for her. They were young, their flesh would be more tender, and their screams would be exquisite.

And Rize supposed, after a few years, the same hunting ground got boring. She could always use a change of scenery.

Besides, she liked the idea of a partner to hunt with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that concludes my last work for fandom! It's been a pleasure! 
> 
> If you liked this fic and haven't commented, I always appreciate a good keyboard smash lol


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